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AIBU?

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Original poster

My wedding rings are missing and I think my child gave them to a friend

219 replies

threeisacharm18 · 16/06/2023 01:00

Long and short of it is - my DC and her friend were playing in my house. They went up to my bedroom where my rings are normally on the nightstand.

Next day I noticed they were missing. I asked DC if she had given my rings to her friend . She said no.

When her friend was leaving she tried to give her a wind chime which I'd discouraged.

Previously D.C. friend had taken an inconsequential item from her house and given it to my dc which I gave back to the mum.

I know my dc has an active imagination and often makes up stories and is susceptible to suggestion. She's 5. Anyway I thought I'd leave it for a day or two and ask her to talk me through the day when her friend came over. And I asked again did she give my rings to her friend and this time she said yes.

Again because she's not always truthful I left it for a day or so and then today I asked her to talk me through the day her friend came.
She told me they found some rings and that she gave them to her friend. I asked her if she gave anything else to the friend and she said she gave the friend a teddy bear which talks. She does have a talking teddy but it's not the colour she told me. However there is a missing teddy among her toys.

So now I have an unreliable child witness and missing personal item.

I need to ask the mum of this child but I don't want to come across as accusatory.

What would you do?

OP posts:
TheRozzer · 16/06/2023 08:11

and why does your child think it is ok to play and mess around in your bedroom and in your personal items?

They should be taught not to

Teaslurpershutup · 16/06/2023 08:12

threeisacharm18 · 16/06/2023 01:11

Thanks everyone . It's just that if she had then surely she'd say so by now?

And No definitely not accusing her child.
Okay I'll ask in the morning. Maybe before school while it's fresh

The mum might not know her daughter has them though. She only has to put them in a bag or pocket and then put them somewhere in her room. Just ask, your daughter probably thought she was being kind or maybe your dcs friends asked if she could have them. You obviously won't being leaving them out again! 😃

Teaslurpershutup · 16/06/2023 08:15

Just realised they were playing in your room. Just close the door in future and explain to Yr dc and friends in arrival that your bedroom is out of bounds and close the door to that room. But still be wary. Even if your dc obeys some others won't. Mine aren't perfect but have always known not to go in my room with their friends.

ReachForTheMars · 16/06/2023 08:22

Just ask the mum. The amount of crap my child brings home in her pockets that doesnt get discovered until wash day is unreal.

Fattygettingthinner · 16/06/2023 08:25

I’ve no idea why you’ve taken this route. She’s five for goodness sake. Not 25.

why did you not just message the mum immediately and say god they’ve been up to their gifting tricks, can you have a look and see if my daughter gave yours my wedding ring?

EvilElsa · 16/06/2023 08:27

Just explain to the mum exactly as you've told us. Your DD tends to give things away and has admitted to giving her DD your wedding rings. Could she please check any pockets or bags to see if they are there? Not accusatory at all.

ButterCrackers · 16/06/2023 08:28

Just ask the mother. She’ll understand. It’s not stealing it’s kids playing. She can have a look at home and ask her child. It happens and it’s fine to ask

justasking111 · 16/06/2023 08:28

My grandson took his mum's very valuable eternity ring into school for the teacher. Another time my grandson took mine mum found it at the bottom of his trousers pocket.

I'd just ask, check pockets and bags thoroughly.

SamphireSandwich · 16/06/2023 08:31

SirenSays · 16/06/2023 01:24

Ask mum to have a look around for them. I found a mums passport in a bookbag once. Apparently the children decided they needed a baby sized book for the dolls. They had swiped it and then forgotten about it.

I know that was probably stressful, but I love this, the way a small child’s mind works.

caringcarer · 16/06/2023 08:47

I bought my son a huge Playmobil castle for Xmas one year. We were staying with my sister who has a 5 year old son, same as I did. Xmas day DH and BiL along with 2 excited boys made the castle up. We were staying until after New Year and the boys played with it non stop. A couple of days after we got home with castle I saw DS playing and there was a little treasure chest and in it were my sister's engagement ring and some ruby earrings. I recognised her engagement ring immediately. I rang Sister and asked if she was missing anything, she said no. I said check your jewelry box. She came back and said her engagement ring was missing. I told her a kind Knight must have found it and put it in the treasure chest to keep it safe. I sent it back recorded delivery with earnings she had not even noticed were missing. Just ring the Mum and say when children were playing your child gifted her child your wedding ring. Could you have it back please?

LaMaG · 16/06/2023 08:56

Marmaladesarnie · 16/06/2023 04:05

A bit older than 5, my “boyfriend” gave me a ring with a sparkly green stone and a small teddy bear. I put the ring on the bears arm and forgot all about it.
Years later my mum sorted through an old box of stuffed toys and found it. She could tell it was obviously valuable and we returned it to the boys mum. Turned out to have been a family heirloom and fairly valuable ring that she had been besides herself the whole time thinking she had lost it.

That's a great story, isn't it lucky you remembered who gave it to you!

I work with 4/5 yr olds and some are just sticky fingered at that age. Some girls bring in little purses and we always check them before home time and often rummage in pockets too. Its always the same few. We have found mums jewellery, dad's medal and even mum's passport stashed away at various times.

Fisharejumping · 16/06/2023 09:00

It's not accusatory to say that you think you child gave your rings away while playing around. The other parents will understand the batshit things kids do at that age.

Pipsquiggle · 16/06/2023 09:08

The longer you put this off talking to the other DC's parents, the more likely it is that you will never get your rings back. They will get lost.

I really don't understand why you have left it multiple days after the event when you are pretty sure what's happened.

You are completely overthinking this and just need to chat to the other parent - they are young DC, they were playing, there's no malice in this.

Justrememberedihaveagarden · 16/06/2023 09:16

My grandparents’ house had locks on all the upstairs doors. When my brother was little he locked all the doors and went home with the keys in his pocket. Cue laughing phone call from my Grandma later asking if they could have them back so they could get into their bedroom! I’m

JusthereforXmas · 16/06/2023 09:20

Hi 'friends mam', I lost my wedding ring last week but after speaking with 'little threesisacharm' I think she might have found my wedding rings and gifted them to your little one. Could you please check to see if you can find them at yours as they are very important to me and I'm really worried, thank you.

I dont seem how that would come of agressive or accusing... if the truth is your daughter 'gave' them then its not an accusation.

CherryRipe1 · 16/06/2023 09:27

I used to 'steal' my mum's wedding and engagement rings so I could get married to my friends & another freind said she used to do the same. It's daft innocent kiddie stuff, just speak to dd firmly but nicely and ask the freind's mum if she's got them.

Bramshott · 16/06/2023 09:30

She probably did. I lost my engagement ring for at least 5 years and then we found it on the arm of a toy rabbit!

Just ask the other Mum.

Bunnycat101 · 16/06/2023 09:31

I think you’ve left it too long really but yes you need to just ask the other mum if she took them home with her. Kids do it all the time so not an unusual scenario in and of itself but rings does feel like a massive step up from the usual tat mine try to gift but I can see it happening easily if they were playing weddings or doing something else. I’m sure you have already looked but if they were playing with them, I can equally imagine them being in a bag in a random toy or somewhere in her room. We once lost a tv remote for weeks and found it later in a bag in my daughter’s wardrobe.

It also sounds like you need to be stricter about your 5yo not going in your room when she has play dates. I do not allow mine in my room with their friends.

LuckySantangelo35 · 16/06/2023 09:35

TheRozzer · 16/06/2023 08:11

and why does your child think it is ok to play and mess around in your bedroom and in your personal items?

They should be taught not to

This! It’s ok for you to have your own space you know OP which is a child free zone

Outofthepark · 16/06/2023 09:41

HandsupSue · 16/06/2023 07:36

It certainly wouldn't have taken me "a day or two" to get to the bottom of the matter.

@BreadInCaptivity you sound scary. Bloody scary.

Lol I thought this too, the kid is only 5 😄

JoanThursday1972 · 16/06/2023 09:44

Ha ha ha this reminds me of me at 7. I got engaged to Terry across the road, same age as me. He gave me a lovely diamond trilogy ring, a bit big even on my middle finger. And a bracelet too that also had some rather nice stones in it, that I now know is a tennis bracelet. My dad saw me with them the next day and asked where I got them from and I said I found them. "Bloody hell Liz it's 18 carat" he yelled at my mum. Of course they were Terry's mum's. She hadn't noticed they'd gone when my mum went across the road to talk to her. She laughed it off and didn't think I'd stolen them but Terry got a telling off.

Reader, I didn't marry him 😊

jellyminelli · 16/06/2023 09:48

My god, why have you left it this long? The other kid has probably forgotten where she put them now.

FlounderingFruitcake · 16/06/2023 09:50

Hope they show up at the friends OP. Of course it’s fine to ask! This is just the kind of thing I can imagine my DD doing, she’s always swapping stuff with the girl next door and we don’t often realise until later e.g. this morning couldn’t find her sunglasses and apparently she gave them away last week but it’s ok because Amelia gave her a magic wand the week before! So mental note to put my jewellery away out of reach (and make my bedroom out of bounds).

PinkPlantCase · 16/06/2023 09:51

I’m still confused about why you don’t just wear your wedding ring… The only reason why mine would come off is if I was having surgery.

Just ask the other parent OP, the longer you leave this the worse it will get and less likely it will be that the ring will be found.