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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Other parents leaving their kids in the pool

210 replies

Monkeymonkeymoo · 15/06/2023 13:32

We’re on holiday at the moment with our 2 DS (age 3 and 14 months). It’s a hotel resort with a couple of pools/splash pads areas for kids as well as a bigger pool for adults.
DH and I have been taking the kids to the pool everyday and every time we’re there other families just send their children over or leave them in the pool on their own.
We then end up feeling like we can’t just leave the pool because it’s dangerous to leave the other children with no supervision (there’s a lifeguard but he also covers the adult pool so isn’t constantly watching).

We haven’t agreed to look after these kids (and in some cases have no idea who their parents are). But obviously we’d feel dreadful if something happened to them. I think their parents see that we’re around and assume we’ll keep an eye out.
Their behaviour isn’t always great and we’ve had to say something a couple of times when they’ve been rough with the younger children (pushing them, pulling them under the water, throwing toys at them etc). So I don’t really want to be responsible for them.

The children are mostly aged between 3 and 8ish although occasionally they’re accompanied by older siblings who then wander off.

Is it unreasonable for us to just leave if there are no other adults around? Or do we need to do something to try and track down the parents before we go? (I assume they’re either in the bar area or in the garden area where all the sunbeds are but I don’t actually know who I’m looking for).

OP posts:
rookiemere · 15/06/2023 13:34

Could you tell the lifeguard when you're leaving?
Can't imagine any parent leaving their DC alone in water at that age Confused.

2lsinllama · 15/06/2023 13:35

Tell the lifeguard - it’s his job, you are on holiday.

FlounderingFruitcake · 15/06/2023 13:36

Go and talk to reception and complain. Hopefully they can send a staff member down to figure out who the kids belong to and have some words with their parents.

Catmuffin · 15/06/2023 13:37

I would go higher up and let the hotel know that as they are allowing parents to leave their children on their own in the pool, they need to supervise it better, as a child could drown if they are unsupervised. That should prompt them to stop parents from doing this or supervise better.

fairlygoodmother · 15/06/2023 13:38

Agree, tell the lifeguard. I’d also tell the lifeguard about the misbehavior and ask him to talk to the kids, he has the authority and it’s his job to make sure people are safe.

I’d be unimpressed by one lifeguard having to cover two pools though.

Dotjones · 15/06/2023 13:40

Just leave when you want to, it's not your job to police things. Indeed you're actually putting yourself at risk by taking on the responsibility because when something goes wrong you may find yourself in hot water (no pun intended). Depending on where you are local laws might see you as having taken on a responsibility for safety by issuing warnings for inappropriate behaviour (if you issues warnings, you are showing you accept responsibility).

Summerishere123 · 15/06/2023 13:40

Are the parents not just sat on a sunbed on the side?
My DD wants to be in the pool 90% of the time we are on holiday, even if it is freezing. She has a float strapped on her and is always in my eyeline but I don't stay in with her. She is 7.

Pottedpalm · 15/06/2023 13:43

Could you change your routine and see what happens if you arrive later? If the parents stay when you are not there, then they are using you as the responsible adult.

Abouttimemum · 15/06/2023 13:51

This happened to us when we were in Majorca last year. We complained to the life guard in the end, my husband was basically babysitting a handful of kids in arm bands that he felt like he couldn’t leave. When he really just wanted to play with our son. Parents were around but just sitting on loungers drinking. Not a chance a non swimming child should be in a pool alone.

Later in the holiday we saw a boy aged about 7 who was jumping into the deep pool not resurface, and me and another guest dove in to drag him out. He was fine thankfully, but it took a good 10 minutes to track down his mum, who was in their room!

I honestly don’t know why people bother having kids if they don’t want to parent them.

I think it’s fine to leave but I’d just say to the lifeguard when getting out, FYI there’s no parents with those kids.

Original poster
Monkeymonkeymoo · 15/06/2023 13:51

The parents definitely not by the side of the pool watching. The kids pool, splash pad and surrounding area are covered by a big shade, and there are just a couple of seats on the side- they’re either empty or have adults who are obviously interacting with specific children. The big pool has a few more sun loungers but the whole of the kids area isn’t visible from there (the lifeguard doesn’t have complete visibility either which isn’t great).

I have mentioned it to the lifeguard and he says he look but parents should be there (which is true, but unhelpful if they’re not). The suggestion to go to reception and ask to speak to the duty manager is a good idea. I’ll let the lifeguard know we’re leaving and then go over.

OP posts:
HappiDaze · 15/06/2023 13:53

Just look out for your own DC that's all you can and should be doing

coxesorangepippin · 15/06/2023 13:53

I cannot believe parents do this 🤯

Definitely speak to the hotel

YukoandHiro · 15/06/2023 13:55

rookiemere · 15/06/2023 13:34

Could you tell the lifeguard when you're leaving?
Can't imagine any parent leaving their DC alone in water at that age Confused.

I would do this - make sure you tell them they're unsupervised as then they are likely to speak to the parents when they re-emerge too

Inertia · 15/06/2023 13:59

Tell the lifeguard that you believe the children have been left unattended so she he can watch them, then let the duty manager know. It’s their job to manage things like this, there will be policies and procedures when children are left unattended.

Don’t agree to look after other children, and tell the lifeguard about any poor behaviour.

watcherintherye · 15/06/2023 13:59

HappiDaze · 15/06/2023 13:53

Just look out for your own DC that's all you can and should be doing

Even when you can see a tragedy waiting to happen? What an awful attitude. I thought we were being encouraged to make it our business where safeguarding children is concerned?

Chersfrozenface · 15/06/2023 13:59

I wonder what the T's & C's in the holiday contract between the customer and the package holiday firm / hotel say about leaving children unsupervised in the pool area.

JenniferBarkley · 15/06/2023 13:59

I was really surprised by this on holiday - shallow splash pool with small slides, knee high water for me so very much geared at little ones. So many kids without an adult obviously with them - and this was in a naice hotel with well behaved kids. We had a couple of moments that were slightly heart in mouth. I'll never understand it.

TeeBee · 15/06/2023 14:01

None of this is any of your concern, just come and go as you please. Not your responsibility at all

HappiDaze · 15/06/2023 14:03

You're kind of enabling parents to keep leaving their DC alone at the pool if they can see you're there looking out for them come constantly

It's really not your responsibility

It's their responsibility and if a tragedy is waiting to happen it's on them not you

HappiDaze · 15/06/2023 14:05

Definitely do not stay just because the parents can't be arsed

They will soon learn

Original poster
Monkeymonkeymoo · 15/06/2023 14:05

JenniferBarkley · 15/06/2023 13:59

I was really surprised by this on holiday - shallow splash pool with small slides, knee high water for me so very much geared at little ones. So many kids without an adult obviously with them - and this was in a naice hotel with well behaved kids. We had a couple of moments that were slightly heart in mouth. I'll never understand it.

Yep this is exactly the set up. The water isn’t very deep- probably at my mid thigh at the deepest point, but it’s still enough for a child to drown if they fell and hit their head.

I assume they think the lifeguard/other parents will keep an eye on them and intervene if there’s a problem, or they think it’s too shallow for it to be dangerous (or they don’t really think).

OP posts:
00100001 · 15/06/2023 14:08

watcherintherye · 15/06/2023 13:59

Even when you can see a tragedy waiting to happen? What an awful attitude. I thought we were being encouraged to make it our business where safeguarding children is concerned?

Show quote history

It's not the OP or @HappiDaze at fault...it's the fucking PARENTS attitude that is terrible.

Who fucking leaves their kids unattended in water? Or relies on a complete stranger that hasn't even been asked to ensure their kids safety?

If it was me, I'd leave whenever I wanted, mind my kids and alert the lifeguard to the unaccompanied children.

Naturally if I was able to stand a small child up if they'd fine under, I wouldn't let them drown. Have had to do that a few times at public pools , where the parents didn't have eyes on a child that slipped and fell face first into water. but I really wouldn't be feeling guilty about leaving them with a lifeguard present, just like I pay no mind to other kids when leaving a public swimming pool

JenniferBarkley · 15/06/2023 14:08

Monkeymonkeymoo · 15/06/2023 14:05

Yep this is exactly the set up. The water isn’t very deep- probably at my mid thigh at the deepest point, but it’s still enough for a child to drown if they fell and hit their head.

I assume they think the lifeguard/other parents will keep an eye on them and intervene if there’s a problem, or they think it’s too shallow for it to be dangerous (or they don’t really think).

Show quote history

I have to say I didn't get the vibe that other parents were expecting us to mind their DC, more that they didn't think their DC needed supervising. And the DC were well behaved and clearly comfortably in the water... But they were also very very young.

I agree with the others, don't take on the responsibility. Play as your own family and if you're particularly concerned about any children tell the lifeguard when you leave the pool.

Original poster
Monkeymonkeymoo · 15/06/2023 14:10

HappiDaze · 15/06/2023 14:03

You're kind of enabling parents to keep leaving their DC alone at the pool if they can see you're there looking out for them come constantly

It's really not your responsibility

It's their responsibility and if a tragedy is waiting to happen it's on them not you

In fairness I think they let the kids play in the pool regardless of whether there are other parents around. It’s just that once I’m there I feel a bit of a moral obligation not to just leave if there aren’t any other adults around in case something awful happens (I know they’re not my responsibility but I’d still feel terrible knowing I could have prevented it).

OP posts:
Brianla · 15/06/2023 14:13

Look after your own kids. Other peoples parenting decisions aren’t your problem. If you want to leave just leave.

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