Other parents leaving their kids in the pool

[Monkeymonkeymoo]

We’re on holiday at the moment with our 2 DS (age 3 and 14 months). It’s a hotel resort with a couple of pools/splash pads areas for kids as well as a bigger pool for adults.
DH and I have been taking the kids to the pool everyday and every time we’re there other families just send their children over or leave them in the pool on their own.
We then end up feeling like we can’t just leave the pool because it’s dangerous to leave the other children with no supervision (there’s a lifeguard but he also covers the adult pool so isn’t constantly watching).

We haven’t agreed to look after these kids (and in some cases have no idea who their parents are). But obviously we’d feel dreadful if something happened to them. I think their parents see that we’re around and assume we’ll keep an eye out.
Their behaviour isn’t always great and we’ve had to say something a couple of times when they’ve been rough with the younger children (pushing them, pulling them under the water, throwing toys at them etc). So I don’t really want to be responsible for them.

The children are mostly aged between 3 and 8ish although occasionally they’re accompanied by older siblings who then wander off.

Is it unreasonable for us to just leave if there are no other adults around? Or do we need to do something to try and track down the parents before we go? (I assume they’re either in the bar area or in the garden area where all the sunbeds are but I don’t actually know who I’m looking for).

Agree completely, my oldest is 11 (great swimmer) and still cannot imagine leaving him alone in the pool. We sit on loungers next to the pool (so we’re not always hovering over the kids), he plays happily with his brother but one of us is always watching when we’re not in there with them.

Its really the most basic level of parenting to watch your child in a swimming pool. I cant imagine anyone who wouldn’t, especially for the ages the OP mentioned.

I agree it's their holiday and not their responsibility but it's not the lifeguards jobs to babysit children.

When I lived somewhere sunny, with a shared pool, this was a constant problem. I supervised my DC, and then other parents allowed their 'D'C to go to the pool unsupervised, against the rules.

As there is someone to tell in your case, I would tell the lifeguard when you leave. Also, let the manager know that this is happening. Then you have done your best to get the situation addressed (manager) and on each occasion 'handed over' responsibility (life guard).

Not your responsibility, I'd say to reception. Maybe get an announcement made or a sign put up warning not to leave children unattended.

I wouldn't tell the lifeguard every time I left. I would March to reception and tell them that children without parental supervision are in the swimming pool/swimming pool area.

Years ago, I rescued a child from a pool on holiday, in a solitary situation. I had no kids with me, but was walking by, on my way to get a cold drink. I saw a little one jump in, and not come back up. As I’d lifeguarded as a teenager, I went into that mode, and dropped everything, and went in for the kid.
Thankfully he was ok (spewed up some water, cried) but almost 10 seconds must have passed when he was at the bottom of the pool.

Worst thing was that no-one could find a parent/guardian for him, despite all of the commotion. I’d yelled that he may have been drowning before I went in for him. Turns out he’d wandered from the splash pad, and into the adult pool. The water was chest height on me, and he was 3. It could have been an awful outcome.

His (British) parents were very laid back - and a bit beery - when they were located. Didn’t even buy me my Diet Coke as a thank you. Rude!
Anyway, the point of my story was to show how easily these situations can end in disaster. There needs to be a lifeguard, or a big sign saying ‘children must be accompanied’ - or preferably both! Hotel management, and your holiday rep, is your best bet, I’d guess.

@MaybeOneAndDone
This used to happen to me too.. I eventually got a little fed up of it. Wouldn't mind if they wanted to play with DS but it was me! I stopped engaging with them and they would soon get bored.

Pools & arcades become the biggest crèche going, parents are responsible for their own children. I worked in a very large amusement arcade & the following happened years ago when I was on late shift & it’s quite harrowing to read. A lady came to me to report a problem regarding the bowling machine in the arcade, I stopped the machine in question & walked down to the pin end when something caught my eye on another lane, crossing over & peering under the board that covers the working end was a small child, horrified I told her not to move until I made everything safe, leading her back up the lane to the players & asked if her mum or dad was one of the players? she shook her head & was handed over to security to deal with.
Mum was in the bar, it had gone 1am ‘ the girl was under 4! Quite amazing isn’t it.

Tomb-stoning is really dangerous! So you wouldn't trust your 9 yr old in a swimming pool without you supervising, but it's fine for them to tombstone off a bridge? You're a way more chilled parent than me, but then I get to see the consequences at work when tomb-stoning goes wrong... it ain't pretty.

Years ago, we lived in a place with an open outside area, and when my eldest was about 1, my husband and I were both hoodwinked by our apparently naice neighbours into watching their kids on several occasions when we took our DD outside. Often one or other of the parents would suddenly appear with their 2 and 4 year olds in tow, make a bit of small talk then discretely disappear back into their home! It was awkward for us as if we wanted to go in, we had no idea if they were happy with their kids being out alone, but we were worried as it was a shared area and there was quite a bit of junk someone had piled up here and there, containing who knows what. They were not the easiest kids either, they'd bombard us with questions and stories, generally desperate for attention. You are lucky you are in a public place so you have someone to report this too. I would try not to engage the kids at all, to make clear you have not assumed any kind of responsibility and I would keep reporting to the lifeguards, rep and reception that the young kids are unattended. I'd be like you, worrying about it, but it's your family holiday to enjoy!

This has always gone on. Plenty of parents happily leave kids unsupervised in a shallow kids pool. You can't insist the parents supervise and the hotel clearly doesn't want to enforce it.

It’s not the lifeguard’s job to babysit them but surely their job to make sure kids aren’t being left unattended?

I don't think she is agreeing to keeping an eye on them they are just leaving them to be supervised by other parents. I would have to say something it's not a kids club where you can dump and run.

It was in no way 'tombstoning'. You've taken quite a leap there (unlike my son).

My kids were both strong swimmers at age 3 and didn’t need me flapping around them. On holiday by the time my youngest was 3 and oldest was 6 I’d watch them from a nearby lounger and tell them not to go too far. I’d also make sure that we were in a pool that was shallow or had a shallow end - which is basically all pools in family resorts.

An 8yo who can swim definitely doesn’t need helicopter parenting

As an aside I doubt swathes of parents are leaving their 3yo’s in a pool and taking off for the day.

No their job is to rescue anyone in danger. They can’t do that if they’re too busy trying to find a load of parents

I think at 8 a child is fine in a small splash pool without being watched constantly. My 8 year old is a good swimmer and I wouldn't be worried about them in a splash pool.
They can go swimming alone at age 8 at our leisure centre.

I seriously judge parents who can't wait to essentially abandon their children at the pool on holiday. It's horribly dangerous, of course, but also, do they not want to watch their children having fun and take the time to play with them? Why have kids if you're just going to be looking for the first chance to dump them and go drink or sunbathe?

I had this at the beach last summer, splashing about with my then 2 and 4 year olds (West Wittering so a big stretch of nice shallow water) but one kid of about 5 was seemingly in charge of his little brother who was honestly about 18 months, 2 at a push. He fell under and I looked around for any adult who may be with them and couldn’t find them so had to pick him up! Poor thing was coughing, sputtering and crying :( The dad waded over then, didn’t apologise just admonished the 5 year old for not watching his brother! It was shocking.

I personally couldn’t just walk away even if it ruins my holiday/day out I would just worry too much. But totally get why people want to and it angers me that any parent would do this!

God my kids would die of embarrassment if I made them as perfectly good swimmers stay in a splash pool at the age of 8!

Meh. It’s my holiday too and I want to lie on a sunlounger as I suspect many do

My DCs could both swim 25m at 5. The idea that you supervise because they might hit their head is a bit bonkers. Pre-schoolers should absolutely be supervised but I'd say 6+ it's marginal. Assuming these are much younger children.

I would definitely supervise a 6 year.old. regardless of how well they could swim.

Sadly I've also seen this first hand whilst on holiday. Even more sadly every year I read news stories of young children drowning whilst on holiday with the same reasons given "oh we were only gone for a few minutes to get xyz", the lifeguard should have done more, the hotel should have had more warning signs up et etc

I guess it comes to parental choices and perception of risk .