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Original poster

Other parents leaving their kids in the pool

210 replies

Monkeymonkeymoo · 15/06/2023 13:32

We’re on holiday at the moment with our 2 DS (age 3 and 14 months). It’s a hotel resort with a couple of pools/splash pads areas for kids as well as a bigger pool for adults.
DH and I have been taking the kids to the pool everyday and every time we’re there other families just send their children over or leave them in the pool on their own.
We then end up feeling like we can’t just leave the pool because it’s dangerous to leave the other children with no supervision (there’s a lifeguard but he also covers the adult pool so isn’t constantly watching).

We haven’t agreed to look after these kids (and in some cases have no idea who their parents are). But obviously we’d feel dreadful if something happened to them. I think their parents see that we’re around and assume we’ll keep an eye out.
Their behaviour isn’t always great and we’ve had to say something a couple of times when they’ve been rough with the younger children (pushing them, pulling them under the water, throwing toys at them etc). So I don’t really want to be responsible for them.

The children are mostly aged between 3 and 8ish although occasionally they’re accompanied by older siblings who then wander off.

Is it unreasonable for us to just leave if there are no other adults around? Or do we need to do something to try and track down the parents before we go? (I assume they’re either in the bar area or in the garden area where all the sunbeds are but I don’t actually know who I’m looking for).

OP posts:
Crumpleton · 15/06/2023 14:59

But they're not leaving their kids unattended, as you've said you're looking out for them, you may not want to be but you are, and the parents know this.
These type of parents aren't stupid they're on holiday and are old hat a getting free childcare.

As PP say its not up to you've your own DC to keep a look out for.

Mention it to the receptionist and life guard and get on with enjoying your family time before it's time to come home.

Imnotahoarderreally · 15/06/2023 15:01

SummerInSun · 15/06/2023 14:50

I think because your DC are so young you may be underestimating the water confidence and safety skills of these kids. My assumption would be that if the parents let them go in the pool by themselves then it's because the parents are comfortable they are safe. After all, some kids swim pretty well by age 4 (not mine, I must say!) and most kids can swim by age 6-7, and are probably fine in a splash area from 4-5. Not your job to second guess the judgment of those parents.

Really!
My dgs is 11, he can swim, we have our own pool and I never let him out of our sight when he's in the pool.
I'm much more relaxed than I was 2 years ago but we still keep an eye on him.
Active adult supervision is the most important factor in preventing drowning in dc.

Use the buddy system.
Always.

whatkatydid2013 · 15/06/2023 15:05

There is quite a difference between a 3 and an 8 year old swimming ability wise. My two are both confident swimmers mdf have been since small (were both at stage 5/swimming 25m independently by time they were 6). I or my husband or both would still either go in the proper pool and swim with them (because we both enjoy playing in the water with them) or sit poolside and keep an eye on them. I don’t think they have any particular risk they would come to harm at this point more than they will when they are teenagers/adults but I just generally wouldn’t leave them to their own devices in an unfamiliar place. At home I happily enough let them play on the (pedestrian) street with their friends or pop along to the corner shop so I really don’t think I’m overprotective

whereaw · 15/06/2023 15:06

I would speak to management. Tell them you're worried about the children but also the implications for the hotel, being that they have a lifeguard on duty. That being said, I'm not sure there's a lot they can do
A child died at a hotel swimming pool while I was there as a teen. It happens a lot. In this case the child wandered off whilst the parents were at a welcome meeting ... really awful.

In the case you describe...
Some parents are just disgraceful.

whereaw · 15/06/2023 15:08

Also agree about the complaint. Say that if there is no rule for parents to watch children under the age of 10 they should really have a full time lifeguard for both pools. Tell them it's ruining your holiday.

LillyoftheMountain · 15/06/2023 15:13

Just leave them. It’s not your problem.

2bazookas · 15/06/2023 15:16

I'd raise this urgently with the managers of the hotel/resort. Either they need to enforce parental supervision, or provide at least one full time lifeguard.

Do NOT get guilted into being the "only adults present"; that implicitly accepts a degree of responsibility and liability for child safety of unknown children that you can't possibly provide. There's an accident waiting to happen at that pool, make sure you don't get blamed.

fapik · 15/06/2023 15:17

I've seen this on holiday in Spain too. It never occurred to us to stay in the pool to supervise other people's kids though. We generally just interact with our own dc in the pool (2 under 5s so they take up all our attention) so it would baffle me if anyone thought we'd be looking after their dc just because we were there.

I'd be careful not to give anyone the impression that you're supervising the other kids in any way - if something did happen to them you don't want to be accused of neglect from a legal pov.

2bazookas · 15/06/2023 15:20

Crumpleton · 15/06/2023 14:59

But they're not leaving their kids unattended, as you've said you're looking out for them, you may not want to be but you are, and the parents know this.
These type of parents aren't stupid they're on holiday and are old hat a getting free childcare.

As PP say its not up to you've your own DC to keep a look out for.

Mention it to the receptionist and life guard and get on with enjoying your family time before it's time to come home.

and they are the kind of greedy selfish litigants who will sue you for millions when you fail to resuscitate their child.

LakeTiticaca · 15/06/2023 15:26

The lifeguard should be patrolling regularly round all.the pools. I would go and speak to the management but I wouldn't feel obliged to spoil my own hard earned holiday supervising irresponsible people's brats.

kitsuneghost · 15/06/2023 15:29

Wouldn't even occur to me to not leave them
I would just get up and go.

Fairyliz · 15/06/2023 15:33

MaybeOneAndDone · 15/06/2023 14:46

@Fairyliz As a newish parent with and 18 month old, can I ask how you dealt with this? When I am at playgrounds or softplay, I often get slightly older (but in my opinion far too young to be left unsupervised) kids of around 4 or 5 years old latching on and following me and DS because their own parents have buggered off somewhere.

It's annoying, because I want to spend time with my DS rather than fend off annoying questions from unsupervised kids. I also don't want anyone to get the impression that I am responsible for some stranger's child either.

I don't want to be horrible to the kids in question, but want to make it clear that it's not the job of random adults to entertain them. I have thought about saying "your parents should be doing this with you, please go and find them". Thoughts?

Show quote history

Don’t do what we did, we usually ended up supervising other people’s kids for the first half of the holiday, then trying to hide down the end of the beach for the rest of the holiday.
Sorry not much help to you. I would be much more assertive nowadays and tell them to go back to their parents.

newtb · 15/06/2023 15:33

I can remember a teenager drowning in our local pool, standing upright in 2ft of water. It really is dangerous.

LadyJ2023 · 15/06/2023 15:38

It's not your responsibility so just watch your own like we do and leave when your ready

SnackSizeRaisin · 15/06/2023 15:45

watcherintherye · 15/06/2023 13:59

Even when you can see a tragedy waiting to happen? What an awful attitude. I thought we were being encouraged to make it our business where safeguarding children is concerned?

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It's probably the same every week of the holiday season in multiple pools around the world. All you can do is look after your own children.

Agree it's a tragedy waiting to happen but that's not down to op to solve

Begonne · 15/06/2023 15:46

I’d feel exactly the same OP and I’ve ended up in that situation a few times. I actually think it’s marginally safer when there is no lifeguard on duty.

My latest tactic is to withdraw with my dc and watch for a minute or two. Once you’re no longer visible, another parent will usually turn up.

boboshmobo · 15/06/2023 15:48

I find this really hard to believe and makes you think when you hear reports of children drowning on holiday and wonder how . My children are always next to me 100 % of the time . Water is so dangerous , do people not realise ??!!

I would just leave them though , they probably don't know or care that you are there and the older sibling is probably supposed to be looking after them but sees you and thinks you can take over ..

Not a chance if you are on holiday !

TooMuchToDoAndNoTimeAtAll · 15/06/2023 15:52

I find it a bit scary that parents do this. When my DS was 8 he was a competitive swimmer, and could swim very strongly in all strokes (far better swimmer than me!). I still wouldn't have left him unattended, as who knows what can happen.

He's nearly 12 now and this is the first summer where I'll let him swim in the hotel pool if I'm not around. My 9 yr old will need to be in eye line most of the time or it's a no!

A 3 year old with no parents watching or visible?? That is actually life threatening. If 3 yr old wanders into the big pool that is a v dangerous situation.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/06/2023 16:25

I’m going on holiday with ds 9 (and dd 14) in the summer. Both good swimmers. We’re going to have a swim up room (booked really early to afford this!)

No way will I be leaving ds9 in particular to swim without supervising him - it’s just too risky with water and you can’t expect anyone else to do your job as a parent

oakleaffy · 15/06/2023 16:25

Tell the lifeguard for goodness sakes.

Children {and adults} can drown silently and without creating a noise.

It doesn't take long.

Crumpleton · 15/06/2023 16:25

watcherintherye · 15/06/2023 13:59

Even when you can see a tragedy waiting to happen? What an awful attitude. I thought we were being encouraged to make it our business where safeguarding children is concerned?

Show quote history

The OP is on holiday, possibly their only one this year a time to wind down, no doult a holiday in which was paid for by themselves and not paid for by the parents of the lone children to keep an eye their kids while they played in the pool.

These children's parents don't see it as a "tragedy waiting to happen"
so no need to pass that one to the OP, her holiday is for her and her families enjoyment.
You could say the only tragedy here is these feckless parents breeding.

There's safe guarding by keeping an eye open and observing when sat at your local park or the like but when on holiday and having family time it certainly isn't the OP job to look after other kids because their own parents can't be bothered.

hulahooper2 · 15/06/2023 16:27

I was on a holiday like that once , some parents are so neglectful. Look after your own , the others are not your responsibility

GrazingSheep · 15/06/2023 16:33

A 6 year old boy from Dublin died in a hotel swimming pool this time last year.

BAdopter · 15/06/2023 16:35

On holiday to atm and I've been thinking the exact same. Kids as young as 2 just playing alone with no parents around.
A little girl was playing with my son yesterday she ran off and slipped over landing in the big pool luckily a man was close enough to grab her. The parents couldn't be located for about 5 minutes! She was only 2.5yrs old. Parents felt awful but here she is again today seemingly unsupervised. Lucky there are so many parents keeping an eye on things because there would be way more accidents.

SnackSizeRaisin · 15/06/2023 16:37

SummerInSun · 15/06/2023 14:50

I think because your DC are so young you may be underestimating the water confidence and safety skills of these kids. My assumption would be that if the parents let them go in the pool by themselves then it's because the parents are comfortable they are safe. After all, some kids swim pretty well by age 4 (not mine, I must say!) and most kids can swim by age 6-7, and are probably fine in a splash area from 4-5. Not your job to second guess the judgment of those parents.

You'd have to be stupid to leave a child under 12 unsupervised in a pool that had no constant lifeguarding, preferably from more than one lifeguard, if there are more than a handful of children.

If there is adequate lifeguarding then 8 and over would be reasonable. Leaving a 4 year old completely unattended is insane. It's like saying that as soon as a child can walk you'd let them walk to school alone.

I'd let them unattended in a pool about the same age as I'd let them walk to school alone - it's the judgement that's the issue, not purely the swimming ability.