Other parents leaving their kids in the pool

[Monkeymonkeymoo]

We’re on holiday at the moment with our 2 DS (age 3 and 14 months). It’s a hotel resort with a couple of pools/splash pads areas for kids as well as a bigger pool for adults.
DH and I have been taking the kids to the pool everyday and every time we’re there other families just send their children over or leave them in the pool on their own.
We then end up feeling like we can’t just leave the pool because it’s dangerous to leave the other children with no supervision (there’s a lifeguard but he also covers the adult pool so isn’t constantly watching).

We haven’t agreed to look after these kids (and in some cases have no idea who their parents are). But obviously we’d feel dreadful if something happened to them. I think their parents see that we’re around and assume we’ll keep an eye out.
Their behaviour isn’t always great and we’ve had to say something a couple of times when they’ve been rough with the younger children (pushing them, pulling them under the water, throwing toys at them etc). So I don’t really want to be responsible for them.

The children are mostly aged between 3 and 8ish although occasionally they’re accompanied by older siblings who then wander off.

Is it unreasonable for us to just leave if there are no other adults around? Or do we need to do something to try and track down the parents before we go? (I assume they’re either in the bar area or in the garden area where all the sunbeds are but I don’t actually know who I’m looking for).

We had this at our holiday last year. Same set up, small splash pool with slides. Me and DH were there with our DS who was 5 at the time. Every day there was a similar aged child who would be on his own for hours. He would hit ds and other children and push little kids down the slides. We had to ask him to stop so many times along with other parents until DH went to the hotel manager and they came to look for his parents who were sat at the bar on the other side of the main pool.

This has been happening for years. My DC’s are well into adulthood now but every year we used to end up with half a dozen kids tagging along because we were actually playing with our children. Their parents were usually in the bar.

Haven’t there been tragedies at hotels where parents have left their kids unsupervised in pools? I’m sure I can remember at least one, possibly more. One couple then tried to sue the hotel I think! Taking absolutely no responsibility for the fact they didn’t look after their own kid. Some really lazy selfish parents out there 🙁 Definitely talk to the hotel manager.

Is it unreasonable for us to just leave if there are no other adults around?

No. Not at all. Go!

Some will see the life guard and assume they are there all the time.

The hotel needs to make it clear that this isn’t the case.

They also have to make it clear that children need to be supervised at all times by an adult.

There’s been several incidents when parents have tried to sue - Montreal, Camden, Greece, and far too many more.

I think that I’d deal with this at the other end. So rather than worrying when I got out, I’d probably ask a kid by themselves who gets in alone “are you allowed in the pool by yourself” or “does mummy know you’re getting in the water without a grownup?”.

Agree with the replies so far, speak to the hotel. The hotel have a duty of care to ensure adequate lifeguard coverage and could easily implement a rule that children in a pool without adult supervision are removed by a lifeguard and their parents tracked down. I’ve been in a hotel where this was done, the parents of one child were livid but I was impressed the hotel enforced the rule.

Did you miss that adults are taking the kids to the area and then leaving?

I agree with the others, it’s not your responsibility to parent those children but I would tell the lifeguard when you are leaving so you have passed the baton onto somebody else. I would also inform reception to see if they can track down some of these parents. Are there any kids clubs or tour reps there that could help too?

I honestly don’t understand how parents can be so blasé when it comes to water safety. It takes seconds for a kid to drown and it can happen even if you think your kid is a confident swimmer. There have been too many tragedies which could easily have been prevented, when will people learn 😞

Not your responsibility but would be good to mention it to the manager. Older children are a bit more borderline as technically 8 year olds can go swimming alone in lots of pools. There is no way I’d have my 7yo out of arms reach in a pool though. If you have seen under 5s unattended in a pool then I do think that is quite a serious case of shit parenting and i would emphasise that some of the children are small and are therefore at a high risk of coming to harm.

Bloody hell, this is rubbish of the other parents. When I was a child, next doors toddler drowned in a paddling pool with a couple of inches of water in it so any water is dangerous.
At 8, kids are allowed to swim alone in our local pool but under this they should be supervised. Agree with PP about telling hotel management.

My kids are 9 and 14. They are both good, experienced swimmers. 14Y was a Sea Cadet and has lifesaving training. 9Y spent last weekend jumping off a bridge into a river, swimming upstream to get out and have another go. Both have snorkelled, kayaked, paddle-boarded and dived from boats into the sea. I still would not leave them in a public pool unsupervised and I would complain, complain, complain about those that do.

Kids make stupid decisions. Wet hard surfaces and water are lethal. Unsupervised toddlers running about cause chaos. Leave online reviews, contact management and reps daily. As well as being shit parents they are ruining your (presumably expensive) holiday.

Not your job op but I see why you feel the need to keep an eye on them if their parents are so irresponsible. Mine are 10 and 13 and they both swim for a club but I am still always poolside keeping an eye on them on holiday even ds is actually a better swimmer than me now. Cannot believe parents go to their rooms leaving kids in the pool.

I wouldn’t feel responsible for anyone else’s children unless they specifically asked me. I too would probably point out the unattended children to the lifeguard as I was leaving the pool but i wouldn’t feel obliged to stay. Surely if their parents have made the decision to leave them then the consequences lie with them.
move left my pre teen at the pool alone for a few minutes here and there. They’re a phenomenal swimmer but I know it’s on me, not anyone else, if something were to happen.

@Fairyliz As a newish parent with and 18 month old, can I ask how you dealt with this? When I am at playgrounds or softplay, I often get slightly older (but in my opinion far too young to be left unsupervised) kids of around 4 or 5 years old latching on and following me and DS because their own parents have buggered off somewhere.

It's annoying, because I want to spend time with my DS rather than fend off annoying questions from unsupervised kids. I also don't want anyone to get the impression that I am responsible for some stranger's child either.

I don't want to be horrible to the kids in question, but want to make it clear that it's not the job of random adults to entertain them. I have thought about saying "your parents should be doing this with you, please go and find them". Thoughts?

I’d hate this because, like you OP, I’d feel like I couldn’t just walk off and leave the children.
I’d do what you have been advised to do on here, come and go as you please but when you do leave the pool area, just let the lifeguard know. That’s all you can do, really.

I’d def. speak to hotel management, OP - IMO it’s a tragedy waiting to happen. Children under about 8 at least, and any older ones who can’t swim, should never be left unsupervised.

Having had a very little dd almost drown when my back was turned for just a minute or two (I was there, but collecting up toys and wet towels etc. before going home) - dd had taken her armbands off, was on her back in the very shallow baby end, blue in the face, unconscious 😱 - I absolutely freak out when seeing parents failing to watch their kids at pool or beach. I dare say they think they are - while so often glued to their phones.

I will add that within a day or two after that, I ditched the wretched armbands and took her back to the pool every day for maybe 4 days, until she sussed out how to swim - albeit largely underwater, tadpole style.
I hate armbands - kids never learn with those things on.

Do not feel you have to stay.

I think it would be kind of you to tell the lifeguard when you’re leaving but if you want to just up and leave that’s clearly fine as you didn’t offer to look after anyone.

Id also complain to reception/ the lifeguard that the hotel aren’t enforcing that people should be looking after their kids.

This happens a lot!
We used to live close to a summer sun holiday resort. We'd spend lots of time at hotel pools. Many, many parents just let their kids wander off alone (whilst sat at the bar!)
Tell the hotel manager/reception and life guard as you leave the pool today and from tomorrow get very confident at taking a child by the hand and leading them back to their parents, loudly exclaiming "I wonder where your Mum and Dad are, ah HERE they are..." Release the hand turn and walk swiftly away. Shame is quiet often the only way to make people look after their own kids.

Good luck, enjoy your holiday

I think because your DC are so young you may be underestimating the water confidence and safety skills of these kids. My assumption would be that if the parents let them go in the pool by themselves then it's because the parents are comfortable they are safe. After all, some kids swim pretty well by age 4 (not mine, I must say!) and most kids can swim by age 6-7, and are probably fine in a splash area from 4-5. Not your job to second guess the judgment of those parents.

My mum always says that when we went abroad when I was a child, she would be the only parent routinely checking on me or sitting in a place that she could see me but not have me realise (oh the embarrassment of your parents in your teens 🤣) The others would just leave their kids all evening whilst getting absolutely blotto at the evening entertainment!

Just look after your own kids and if you want to leave the area then do so , you haven’t said you will watch the other kids and they are not your responsibility .

Then complain to hotel management. Point out the police investigations and litigation that could follow if a child drowns or is injured. That should get them motivated.

Look after your own kids and tell the other kids of if they are being rough. Inform reception and the lifeguard. If there is a holiday rep contact them too.