Other parents leaving their kids in the pool

[Monkeymonkeymoo]

We’re on holiday at the moment with our 2 DS (age 3 and 14 months). It’s a hotel resort with a couple of pools/splash pads areas for kids as well as a bigger pool for adults.
DH and I have been taking the kids to the pool everyday and every time we’re there other families just send their children over or leave them in the pool on their own.
We then end up feeling like we can’t just leave the pool because it’s dangerous to leave the other children with no supervision (there’s a lifeguard but he also covers the adult pool so isn’t constantly watching).

We haven’t agreed to look after these kids (and in some cases have no idea who their parents are). But obviously we’d feel dreadful if something happened to them. I think their parents see that we’re around and assume we’ll keep an eye out.
Their behaviour isn’t always great and we’ve had to say something a couple of times when they’ve been rough with the younger children (pushing them, pulling them under the water, throwing toys at them etc). So I don’t really want to be responsible for them.

The children are mostly aged between 3 and 8ish although occasionally they’re accompanied by older siblings who then wander off.

Is it unreasonable for us to just leave if there are no other adults around? Or do we need to do something to try and track down the parents before we go? (I assume they’re either in the bar area or in the garden area where all the sunbeds are but I don’t actually know who I’m looking for).

I would only be watching mine and if I happen to see a kid in need of help then I would of course help them.

However I would not be hanging around the pool until they come back. Once I’m done then I’m going.

Well, feel free to leave YOUR 4 year old unattended at the swimming pool and paddle pool, but I sure hell won't be doing that with any of my charges...

Ive seen kids fall face first into toddler pools and panic and struggle to get up (I lifted them up and out obviously ), I've seen 8yo confident string swimmers get in trouble because they slipped and went under unexpectedly...

Some parents are just shit though! Easy to spot on holiday when they can’t be bothered to watch their kids.

I've had similar happen at the beach and if I've not known the child I've just walked off if I want to leave. It's not my responsibility to watch someone else's kid.

I was that parent too.
I dealt with it by always taking extra stuff to sand pits and trying to explain it to my children when they got annoyed.
it is hard, I just couldn’t be mean to the other kids.

the parents that annoyed me the most were the ones who acted like they were doing me a favour by letting me play with their children??!

the fact they are letting you, a perfect stranger, engage with their children tells you all you need to know.

Op if you feel an obligation then you better tell your family you’re emigrating. As you will need to move there. This has gone on at holiday resorts across the world for decades. And it will continue ar yours when you go home.

just say to the lifeguard and come and go as you please.

I grew up beside the sea and have an extended family full of fishermen. DS is a level 8 swimmer and is a much more competent swimmer than me or DH.

He knows that at all times, we are always within arms reach of each other. A buddy system. Even me and DH keep an eye out for each other. It takes a moment, and is never the splashy commotion you think it sounds like.

Even experienced adult swimmers can get into difficulty and drown: https://www.independent.ie/regionals/kerry/news/death-of-siblings-at-kerry-beach-the-result-of-accidental-drowning-inquest-hears/42413276.html

My neighbours teen saved a toddler who fell into the pool on holiday last year. She had toddled off from the baby pool at the other end of the complex and he spotted a lump at the bottom of the deep end. He luckily got to her in time and he resuscitated her. Zero sign of any parent in the vicinity. They were so far away that they couldn't even hear the commotion and the lifeguard had to radio up to the other lifeguard where they were to alert them that their child nearly died.

Anyone who leaves any child unsupervised around water, I'll judge them harshly. I don't care.

It's very distressing to think that parents leave their children to go to the pool on their own like this. I would feel exactly as you do OP - I would feel guilty about leaving them despite not knowing them. But it's not fair at all that it's affecting your holiday. Definitely tell someone at the hotel - you shouldn't have to worry like this. I am so paranoid about children near water - it's one of my main anxieties as a parent - I can't imagine leaving children this age unattended by water - it's madness. It makes me upset to think that people care so very little about their children and so much more about their own enjoyment. I have a friend who thinks that everyone else will look after her children in such situations - I remember being at the pool with her when her youngest was 3 and she was walking away from him by the side of the pool and he was trying to run after her because she wasn't slowing down and he fell into the deep end of the pool and she didn't even notice until the lifeguard jumped in. It was horrendous. Good luck to you.

My DM nearly died when she fell face first into a shallow puddle age 2-4 ish

She remembers panicking, not breathing and therefore not having the thought to just pick herself up.

She was with her brother but luckily an adult was nearby and scooped her up

This was decades ago

Accidents around water can happen so quickly.
We had a shared villa with pool in Majorca and I was sitting on a lounger whilst toddler DS ( around 2-3 at the time) was playing with the pool table balls some distance from the pool.

I must have drifted off as next I heard was a gentle splash sound- luckily it woke me up and I discovered DS had gone straight into the deep end of the pool as one of the balls from the pool table had rolled in. Luckily I was able to get him straight out, but it literally only takes a few minutes for a situation like that to become serious.

So basically you me DC can drown in a couple of inches of water let alone a pool

If there are a few other children there and op is concentrating her own she won't be able to watch the others anyway -its an illusion of safety. Drowning is quick and silent. That's why lifeguards sit high up and scan a whole pool constantly.

People are bloody mad leaving their very small children unsupervised around water, or even somewhat older ones as the UK isn't exactly a bastion of strong swimmers given the climate. It's incredibly dangerous.

Those cf parents have probably clocked you and your dh are responsible adults so feel they can leave their children under your watchful eye. I’m like you though op I couldn’t forgive myself I’d just let the life guard know when you leave that there are unsupervised children in the pool. They will no doubt have words with said parents.
i remember years ago at a bbq, the host had a pool out and my dc got in, I obviously went over to supervise them, another mum who had been watching her dc then proceeded to piss off, get herself a drink and sit down for an adult chat! Her children still in pool! So I ended up watching other people’s children. Some people are just idiots op!

I've had to explain the dh the art of not engaging with other kids. We're very happy to play with kids in the pool but want to be very very clear that we're not taking any responsibility for them. So a lot of yes this is a fun game- where's your parents maybe they can join in. You'll have to ask your mum and dad if you're allowed jump in here. I'm sorry sweetie I don't know if you can do that. He ended up horsing around with a child last year playing with our Son, ds had arm bands on, this child didn't. dh threw him off his shoulders like he was doing with ds but didn't occur to him to check the child could swim first - just assumed because he was in the big pool unsupervised with no arm bands he could obviously manage. Water is too dangerous to take any chances. I'd tell the life guard every single time- if he says Their parents should be there, counter with "they're not" and send it up the chain. You cannot take on that responsibility or even the appearance of it. If someone assumes you're taking responsibility then they won't.

I wouldnt even think twice about just leaving when I wanted to. Not your responsibility at all. It's nothing to do with morals. No way am I spending a hard earned holiday supervising loads of unrelated kids so their parents can get pissed up.

I think because your DC are so young you may be underestimating the water confidence and safety skills of these kids. I would assume that if the parents let them go in the pool by themselves then it's because the parents are comfortable they are safe. After all, some kids swim pretty well by age 4 (not mine, I must say!) and most kids can swim by age 6-7, and are probably fine in a splash area from 4-5. Not your job to second guess the judgment of those parents.

I agree with this and would add that cultural differences may come into it as well, depending on where the other guests at your hotel are from. I'm German and remember being in the pool by myself or with friends without close adult supervision from age 7 or so onwards all the time. This would have been perfectly normal and my mum was generally more of an over-protective rather than a careless type, so definitely a cultural difference there.

watcherintherye
Would you be the type of parent that leaves heir children to be watched by others?

No, I thought not!!

Parents should be safeguarding their own children, not relying on complete strangers around the pool
(Madeline McCann, and yes I know she was allegedly snatched from the villa)
that's a safeguarding risk in its self surely? They have no idea if they're leaving their child to be 'watched' by a possible paedophile 🤷‍♀️

Look after your own kids but don't be afraid to leave when you want to. It's really inappropriate for you to do otherwise. Think about it - would you expect to be sued if something happened and you didn't prevent it? Of course not. Complain to the hotel that their failure to enforce a safe policy for children (which should include telling unaccompanied children to leave the pool and return to the dry areas of the hotel to await their parents) is ruining your ability to relax on holiday.

The hotel needs to put signs up saying children must be supervised and every time a kid turns up with no adult the lifeguard needs to send them back to it's parent

This happened to me recently. It was a pretty shallow pool and I was already in and playing with my DD when another couple arrived with their 3/4 year old. They said hi to me and then sat where they couldn't see their child.

She was doing that quite solemn wandering around alone and staring at me and my DD that small children on their own do.

Thing is, I'd taken mine their specifically because I wanted to give her some 1:1 attention. I made the decision I wasn't going to invite her to play or be ultra vigilant to her safety. Obviously if I saw her in trouble, I would act but...I wasn't there to be free babysitting to parents who can't be arsed.

I didn't feel amazing about it and I felt really cross with her parents for being so absolutely shit.

I just complained to my gym pool about this and I made sure I sent it as an email so there would be a paper trail showing they were warned

Parents not getting in the (no lifeguard) pool with their young (infant school age and younger).children and completely absorbed in their phones . I find it astonishing how little awareness there seems to be about water safety.

Sorry haven’t read all replies but I would report immediately to lifeguards/hotel management then get on with your holiday. If you see a Rep, you could mention it to them too. Absolutely do not watch other kids. We’ve done these types of hotels since our kids were babies (and now older primary) and there is never one of us watching our kids at all times in any height of water. If one of us wants to read/sunbathe/chill out, we just take it in turns to watch the kids. Ours are confident swimmers but I would still never leave them unattended in the pool in a foreign country (or here!). As you said, all it takes is them to fall and bang their head.

Sadly, we have stories on the news from these hotels every Summer and this is the exact reason why kids drown.

Tots can drown in seconds in as little as an inch of water. Tell the lifeguard and reception every single time you see this. It's just not worth the risk and you shouldn't be supervising other people's children on your holiday.

Just talk to any parents when they do this, and remind them that no-one has ever been convicted of taking Madeleine McCann. I hope that will instil a sense of responsibility.

If that fails then reporting to the hotel and/or rep.