Other parents leaving their kids in the pool

[Monkeymonkeymoo]

We’re on holiday at the moment with our 2 DS (age 3 and 14 months). It’s a hotel resort with a couple of pools/splash pads areas for kids as well as a bigger pool for adults.
DH and I have been taking the kids to the pool everyday and every time we’re there other families just send their children over or leave them in the pool on their own.
We then end up feeling like we can’t just leave the pool because it’s dangerous to leave the other children with no supervision (there’s a lifeguard but he also covers the adult pool so isn’t constantly watching).

We haven’t agreed to look after these kids (and in some cases have no idea who their parents are). But obviously we’d feel dreadful if something happened to them. I think their parents see that we’re around and assume we’ll keep an eye out.
Their behaviour isn’t always great and we’ve had to say something a couple of times when they’ve been rough with the younger children (pushing them, pulling them under the water, throwing toys at them etc). So I don’t really want to be responsible for them.

The children are mostly aged between 3 and 8ish although occasionally they’re accompanied by older siblings who then wander off.

Is it unreasonable for us to just leave if there are no other adults around? Or do we need to do something to try and track down the parents before we go? (I assume they’re either in the bar area or in the garden area where all the sunbeds are but I don’t actually know who I’m looking for).

Eurgh we had this on holiday too (first one with my Dc so first time I’ve really noticed other kids on holiday). Couldn’t believe the number of parents leaving their kids to play on their own in pool no supervision and not even round the pool to watch (I spent time in the baby pool where we were the only ones round the pool but older kids came in to play….No adults near by).

It is terrible and dangerous. Not your problem. You’re a kinder person than me. If you want to feel like you’re doing the right thing tell the lifeguard each time as pps suggested - at least then you’re clearly handing over any responsibility you may feel

It also means (in our instance) that parents weren’t around to tell kids off if they were doing something they shouldn’t have been. Some parents just can’t be bothered was my experience.

To all the parents saying it's ok to leave a strong swimmer unattended in a pool - my 7 year old is a strong swimmer and last weekend we were in a hotel resort that had a swimming pool. My 7 year old had some goggles on that he had asked to borrow from another kid aged 6, and the other kid suddenly decided he wanted them back, asked my son for them and also grabbed them at the same point, and dragged my son under water by pulling at the goggles. My son started panicking and grabbed at the first available thing to hold - the other boy's head, and pulled him under. They were both panicking and pulling each other under. Thankfully I was only a couple of metres away so I grabbed both of them and pulled them to the side. They were both confused and shaking. The younger child clearly hadn't realised my son couldnt stand in the pool and was very impatient to get his goggles, and grabbed them before my son had had a chance to return them. Long story short - you never know what kids will do and sometimes they could start drowning through no fault of their own. I'm not a helicopter parent in any regard but wouldnt leave my young children unattended in a pool.

agree with this! Hope both children were ok @Jasmine222

Also, for anyone saying it’s ok it’s also really not actually that hard to watch your child.. 🙄

A few years ago there was a case where a small child aged around 8 drowned when his parents returned to their room believing but not asking other adults around the pool would watch him. They didn't. At the inquest the parents blamed those other adults. Sad for everyone but an unbelievable sense of entitlement. I've seen shocking things on beaches in the UK and whilst holidaying abroad and I'm anxious about exactly this when we go in a few weeks

I hate this too OP. It makes me angriest seeing parents leave an older sibling "in charge" when they're still tiny themselves. Unless your kid has lifeguard training, don't leave them responsible for a toddler around water! How would a 7 year old be able to react if a younger sibling fell into water?

YANBU OP and I can’t believe someone on this thread decided that a six year old who can swim 25m is safe to be left unsupervised 😕 I hope you speak to the hotel management.

This is classic number martyrdom. No way are you keeping an eye on all those children and your own so just get out of the pool when you want and then the lifeguard can tell the children to get out if necessary .

Catching up on this thread I am really interested at what age people would leave their children out of direct eye line around water. We live by the sea and my DCs swam daily at school in the summer term from yr R. By year 6 I wouldn't be bothered about them going off with friends on the beach (to be clear I was on the beach but not following them). My perception is that the sea is more dangerous than a pool, but I might be wrong. Once in secondary school they swam with friends in rivers and pools with friends and no adult present. They also had done lifesaving at school in year 6.

And to be clear I would never expect a child below the age of 16 to supervise a toddler around water, far too dangerous.

Strong swimmers can drown in bath tubs, hot tubs, pools, the sea, lakes anywhere water is

How on earth does being a strong swimmer guarantee you can't drown?

This is true of adults too. When would you let a child out of your sight around (I am assuming) a safe shallow pool ? 8 ?10 ? 12 ? The age groups most likely to drown are toddlers and teens. My suggestion would be that the teens who drown haven't developed water safety skills.

I don’t understand why hotels are not more vigilant. If there was a child death on their watch, it could have huge implications for their business if nothing else.

I would absolutely tell the manager. They should then have staff going to the children’s pool and asking any child without a parent there to leave. There should be clear instructions for parents to stay with their children. This is not on you OP.

I'd tell reception once and that's it not your problem go and enjoy your holiday.

Totally not your responsibility. If ypu and your children want to leave then leave.

I would only say something to them about their behaviour if it involved my child, otherwise it looks as if you are taking responsibility.
If they are behaving in a way you are uncomfortable with then by telling the lifeguard you are making him aware that he needs to be watching incase something happens. You shouldn't need to as he should be observing anyway.

It sounds to me as if the lifeguard is there for the adult pool, and patents should be responsible for children in the other pool.

If their parents aren't concerned enough about their safety to watch them, and the lifeguard isn't either then definitely not your responsibility.

Agree letting the reception staff know of the problem is a good idea. Not sure what they can do other than put up signs or tell the kids they have to leave as not supervised but that is up to them.

Enjoy your holiday.

As stated here

From this:
https://www.nationalwatersafety.org.uk/media/1005/uk-drowning-prevention-strategy.pdf

I think your comment comes across as bitchy even though I agree with the sentiment. I usually ask who they are with and then walk them towards their parent, and give their parent a wee wave before I walk off.

I absolutely hate being swarmed by strangers children if I’m in a park or soft play.

How far away is your “eyeline”? And how long are your eyes closed or looking at a book?

If the lifeguard is by where all the adults are I would go to him and tell him you are leaving but I would do it at the top of my voice I would also say very loudly that there are small children unsupervised in there in the hope that the parents of them kids are around and take note of what you are saying, defo make yourself heard around all the said parents

What??!!!!!!

You can’t physically watch multiple random children in a pool all day though - even if you want to, it just isn’t possible to do it safely.

OP, I really feel for you - last year one mother repeatedly sent her toddler over “to play with” me and DS (who was 6, and had no desire whatsoever to play with a two year old girl who didn’t speak English). The mother would push her towards us and disappear back off into the hotel. It got to the stage where, when we saw them coming, we’d run and get in the deep end so she couldn’t approach us.

I don't think it's your responsibility to parent other peoples children in a shallow splash pool. You seem over ???? Zealous.

Did you read the post? Perhaps read it again.

Thank you for all your replies. DH spoke to reception and they asked the children to get out and go to their parents, they’re back there again on their own this morning though (we walked past on our way out so I’ve mentioned it to the lifeguard and receptionist again).

I’m sure some of the children can swim (and they don’t really need to because the water isn’t that deep). It’s more that they don’t have the water safety skills or risk assessment skills of an adult.
One girl was pulling a smaller child (possibly her sister?) under the water as part of a game, and some of the boys were running around the edge and pushing each other.

I think I probably am a bit ‘overzealous’. I’m a nurse and unfortunately I was on shift when a primary school aged child was brought in after being left unsupervised in fairly shallow water, so maybe it’s something I’m a bit paranoid about. DH is a primary school teacher so again is very aware that children can be prone to sometimes doing something silly without really understanding or thinking through the consequences.
We obviously don’t want responsibility for these children though (and couldn’t look after them properly even if we wanted to).

You’re 200% right to be paranoid. It’s water. It’s dangerous. People don’t get it! This is coming from a family of strong swimmers (I used to swim 3-4 times a week before school growing up).