Other parents leaving their kids in the pool

[Monkeymonkeymoo]

We’re on holiday at the moment with our 2 DS (age 3 and 14 months). It’s a hotel resort with a couple of pools/splash pads areas for kids as well as a bigger pool for adults.
DH and I have been taking the kids to the pool everyday and every time we’re there other families just send their children over or leave them in the pool on their own.
We then end up feeling like we can’t just leave the pool because it’s dangerous to leave the other children with no supervision (there’s a lifeguard but he also covers the adult pool so isn’t constantly watching).

We haven’t agreed to look after these kids (and in some cases have no idea who their parents are). But obviously we’d feel dreadful if something happened to them. I think their parents see that we’re around and assume we’ll keep an eye out.
Their behaviour isn’t always great and we’ve had to say something a couple of times when they’ve been rough with the younger children (pushing them, pulling them under the water, throwing toys at them etc). So I don’t really want to be responsible for them.

The children are mostly aged between 3 and 8ish although occasionally they’re accompanied by older siblings who then wander off.

Is it unreasonable for us to just leave if there are no other adults around? Or do we need to do something to try and track down the parents before we go? (I assume they’re either in the bar area or in the garden area where all the sunbeds are but I don’t actually know who I’m looking for).

I saw a toddler very nearly drown in a huge but shallow splash pool some years ago. He had either tripped over or been knocked over and become stuck under a small inflatable dingy.

Fortunately the two children with the dingy realised and screamed for help and some
older children who were playing nearby were able to pull him up until an adult could get to them.

The water was very shallow and the same depth throughout. The toddler was wearing armbands and the water was below his armpit height. His Dad was keeping an eye on him from the side and there were parents everywhere, but no one noticed until the children with the dingy raised the alarm.

By the time his Dad had realised and entered the water another parent had already carried him nearly all the way back to the side. Mum later appeared and had a scream my children (who also had a little dingy purchased from the same pool-side kiosk, but were completely separate to the incident). I was a bit sympathetic because she'd obviously had a nasty shock, but did correct her. However, it taught me how dangerous inflatables can be and I no longer let my children use them if the pool is busy and/or is being used by lots of young children.

@Monkeymonkeymoo i had a cousin aged 14 who was a strong swimmer who drown. It was a sad loss for us and shows you can never be too cautious so absolutely you have done the right thing

Well done both of you !

I'm a fairly relaxed DP, but I don't think there is a thing as being too cautious with young DCs <8 being around water, accidents happen all too easily and the time for them to become fatal
Is scarily short.

Splash pools are supposed to be shallow. If OP is saying it's mid thigh on her then that's different. One poster referred to child drowning in dingy. That's not a shallow splash pool then is it?!

I might not have described it very well. It’s a splash pad (so just lots of sprinkers, fountains, water table and a slide), with a kids pool next to it (the pool is very, very shallow at one end but mid thigh at the ‘deep end’).

I have to disagree with people saying this is irresponsible. You’re on holiday and do not know the culture of others. I spent some of my childhood years abroad and let me tell you some countries have very strong (I would say superior) swimming lessons. As a child I remember being forced (as part of school curriculum) to swim in deep pools etc. and they do train the kids very early due to natural disasters or etc reasons. This means that the swimming ability’s of kids 5+ in these countries are quite amazing. I would further add as part of the school curriculum I was supposed to be able to thread water for 45 mins (or I would’ve failed my swimming module)

so if those parents are foreign (as you didn’t mention where the holiday was) I wouldn’t worry too much about it. Their culture is just different and they are clearly confident of their children’s ability to swim. Lastly some parents might just feel comfortable with 1 lifeguard but I know I wouldn’t be the one adult would have to look out over the 2 pools you mentioned and it would be easy to miss a young child (but this is of course not your problem)

I'm not sure if you mean my post about the dingy incident, but the splash pool was only about adult knee height. The dingies were tiny things big enough for 1 child to sit it whilst another child pulled them by the attached string at the front.

The toddler was wearing armbands and I would say that, standing, the water would come up to just under the level of their armpits (if that makes sense!). He had somehow ended up under the dingy, squished between the bottom of the dingy and base of the pool. I am guessing that his armbands were probably making the problem worse.

I mentioned it because it's one of those odd accidents you wouldn't imagine could happen in such shallow water!

People can and do drown in inches of water, especially if it's very busy with lots of inflatables etc. More or less every year the national news will report a small child drowning in a pool at a Mediterranean holiday spot.
Just as predictable as the news of teenagers drowning in rivers, 2 reported in my local news region in the past couple of weeks, sadly x

It’s nothing to do with swimming ability though.

the point is if a minor accident that if it happened on land would be a non event (ie bump to head, feeling dizzy, someone barging or jumping on child) happened in or near water instead it can very quickly become dangerous.

Regardless of swimming ability.

It baffles and concerns me that people don’t understand this.

I agree.

Well, you can leave YOUR 6 year old unattended in water. I certainly won't be.

Only takes a moment for them to trip, slip or get into difficulty. Seen it happen.

This is what happened with Charlie Dunn. His parents were sat on they're backside and other parents were supervising him. It was another child that found him in the water looking for his goggles.

As mentioned, I personally would not be comfortable with just one adult lifeguard looking over 2 pools. But before judging other parents in foreign lands. Just try to understand that people of different cultures have different attitudes towards parenting. What’s normal for them may not be normal for us and vice versa.

As parents or mums we are always being told by others what they would/wouldn’t do and everyone is always so quick to point out our mistakes. To each their own. It’s not right to mum shame/parent shame others for a different set of beliefs.

There's a range of parenting that is acceptable and just different styles.

And then there's down right negligent parenting.

I will rightly judge anyone who is too lazy to supervise their children in the pool

I have never got into the pool with my kids due to a medical condition but I am watching them from a chair or sunbed near by.
it’s none if your business, there’s a parent somewhere and a lifeguard. Just because the parent isn’t hovering over them doesn’t mean they aren’t watching.
You might one lax parent but most will be watching - why do you judge other parents and the lifeguard less capable than you? Look after your own children and wind your neck in.

That's a tough one, I would tell the life guard, that there are some unsupervised kids.
I don't get how parents can leave there kids unsupervised around water, even those that swim, can get into danger in water. They could with 2 life guards one for the kids pool one for the adult.
I get where you guys are coming from, I would be watching other people's kids too, I have done this in our local pool and helped 2 kids out, one lad who got into the deeper water and clearly couldn't swim, there were life guards, but I was in the pool and closer to him, I just helped him, to the shallower end, so he could put his feet down.
The other, was 2 young lads 3 or 4 ish, who had just shown the life guard, that the could swim 2 withs. With dad watching from the side, that was in the deep end, both boys looked pretty knackered after there swim. But dad ignores that fact and after they received a band from the life guard, to say they could swim, he jumps in the pool, to swim to the other side. I am watching the boys, as they are beat, they make it half way, before the youngest (3) gets into trouble, going under the water, his brother its trying to help, but only been a little older, the dad, just hadn't noticed, so I was over to help scoop the little lad up, he was in tears, his dad, saw my and was like what's going on, I said he was tried and I had helped him out. I should have said, he was fxxing drowning to you moron. But I didn't want to upset his son, who was already upset.

I would tell the lifeguard they are unsupervised and also report to reception that young children are being left alone without parental supervision. You take care of your own children and don't take it upon yourselves to watch others.

At our local pool with a vigilant lifeguard (often two of them), kids under 10 aren’t allowed to be unattended, to the point my daughter who’s tall and nearly 10 was approached as soon as she was through the door asking where her parents were (I was just behind, she’d left the changing rooms a few seconds before me).

Water is so dangerous; I’m horrified so many parents take such a lax stance.

You can tell that all the "none of your business" posters have never had to try to resuscitate a small child who has drowned. Or heard the wails of their parents when it didn't work.

This is a silly post as most people won't have heard that.

It's still not the OPs problem, it's not anyone's elses responsibility to someone else's kids that the parents haven't decided to parent.

If there is a chance a kid can drown parent your own kids it isn't hard don't put responsibility onto anyone else.

It's not a silly post. Because it sounds like the nurse OP probably has. And I can assure you it is a sound you never forget.

Eh? How did the teen drown standing up in 2 feel of water? Surely only his feet and ankles drowned?

I dont think you are being zealous, just responsible. I also work in healthcare and see the sad results of avoidable incidents.
Also I would feel a moral duty to try to keep these DC safe..

And this is the OPs problem because.?That's why it's a silly post you are guilt tripping.

Stop excusing shitty parenting and putting guilt on OP.

You completely misunderstand me. The OP has posted in this thread about being a nurse who was involved in the attempted resuscitation of a drowned child. So she absolutely understandably can't just wander off to leave the children of irresponsible parents to drown, because she knows the reality of that situation down to her very bones. It isn't her responsibility. But her experience (which may well have caused a degree of PTSD) means she is psychologically unable to blithely ignore the fucking stupid risks these parents are taking with the lives of their children. Whatever a bunch of people on the internet say.