Other parents leaving their kids in the pool

[Monkeymonkeymoo]

We’re on holiday at the moment with our 2 DS (age 3 and 14 months). It’s a hotel resort with a couple of pools/splash pads areas for kids as well as a bigger pool for adults.
DH and I have been taking the kids to the pool everyday and every time we’re there other families just send their children over or leave them in the pool on their own.
We then end up feeling like we can’t just leave the pool because it’s dangerous to leave the other children with no supervision (there’s a lifeguard but he also covers the adult pool so isn’t constantly watching).

We haven’t agreed to look after these kids (and in some cases have no idea who their parents are). But obviously we’d feel dreadful if something happened to them. I think their parents see that we’re around and assume we’ll keep an eye out.
Their behaviour isn’t always great and we’ve had to say something a couple of times when they’ve been rough with the younger children (pushing them, pulling them under the water, throwing toys at them etc). So I don’t really want to be responsible for them.

The children are mostly aged between 3 and 8ish although occasionally they’re accompanied by older siblings who then wander off.

Is it unreasonable for us to just leave if there are no other adults around? Or do we need to do something to try and track down the parents before we go? (I assume they’re either in the bar area or in the garden area where all the sunbeds are but I don’t actually know who I’m looking for).

The water isn’t very deep- probably at my mid thigh at the deepest point, but it’s still enough for a child to drown if they fell and hit their head.

but so could an adult if they fell and hit their head! By your logic we should all be taking our parents on holiday with us!

You'd be foolish to go to a pool alone.

Presumably he tripped/slipped and then drowned...

What? an adult would be foolish to go to a life guarded kneedeep pool alone??

I said that an adult would be foolish to go the pool alone.

And besides, if you want to send your kids to this pool unattended, go fucking crazy, and hope to fuck that the lifeguard is paying enough attention to see your child drowning and be able to save him whilst his attention is split between two pools.

It isn’t recommended for anyone to swim alone, regardless of how good a swimmer they are. Most open water swimmers will swim in a group, or bring a “spotter” (ie person guarding their clothes and towels, who could ring the coastguard if they get into difficulties).

Obviously in most pools, there is a lifeguard.

Yes - my mum nearly drowned in a hotel pool as an adult, despite being a very good swimmer and generally very sensible. She had spent the first part of her holiday with a tummy bug, so didn't go to the pool till she was fully recovered and past the 48 hours from last being ill. But the adult pool was quite quiet and had no lifeguard, and she was on her own and had underestimated how weak the bug had left her, and she started to pass out in the water. Thankfully a random man was just arriving for a swim and pulled her out... So she would never go in the water now without someone else with her or lifeguards present.

This

Some parents absolve all responsibility around holiday pools, they think because a life guard is present they can sit in the bar, get pissed and then lay on a sunbed, face down oblivious to what little junior is up to in the pool.
Like the parents of a two year old my DH dragged from the water half conscious, she was in the water stuck upside down in a rubber ring. I noticed a little pair of legs sticking up out of the water, DH had to swim to the centre of the pool to get to her.
He was carrying the child going from sunbed to sunbed until an older woman who turned out to be her grandma came out of the bar, carrying a tray of drinks and recognised the child. The parents were oblivious.

You sound massively invested in what others are doing. You should be focusing on you and your family - it can’t be fun for them while you sit there people watching instead of enjoying your holiday with your Dh and dcs. Presumably the lifeguard is well aware of what’s going on, and has it covered.

Alert the lifeguard - he won't knowwhich ones are yours, so he doesn't know who is unsupervised. Report to the hotel also. Do they have any signs about supervising children? Most placesI've been expect children under x age to be accompanied by a responsible adult. Lifeguard should be able to remove them if necessary.

However, you shouldn't feel responsible for them. You can't look after a huge group of children in the water!

It's scary how many parents just let their kids get on with it in water. I nearly drowned when I was 8 when my mum was IN the pool with me and my older brother. It was my first epileptic seizure so while I could swim, swimming couldn't help me then. Only took 2 minutes of my mum and brother playing and I was face down in the water.

But if she's watching these hoards of children, by necessity she must be neglecting to properly watch her own. She's not a lifeguard.

oakleaffy · 15/06/2023 16:25
Tell the lifeguard for goodness sakes.

Children {and adults} can drown silently and without creating a noise.

It doesn't take long”

You’re right of course but you’re also making this OP’s responsibility, which it isn’t.

This is terrible!

I was just thinking about how in 2019 my husband and I took our boys to a weekend stay at theme park and stayed overnight and had a nasty experience at the hotel pool.

We’d gone as a birthday present for my middle son (turned 6 on day 1) had a great time both days, went to the hotel pool both days - very noisy!

On the last visit to the pool the birthday boy went down one of the slides a bit wonky, smashed his cheek bone on the edge of the slide and ended up face first in the shallow water at the bottom of the slide. I was right there so was able to scoop him up straight away and sort treatment for his cheek.

If I hadn’t been there to immediately grab him I don’t know if anyone would’ve clocked him face down in the water as the slide area was quiet at the time.

You do not need to track down the parents, nor take responsibility for these children. Their parents have not assumed you'll keep an eye on them, their parents do not give a shit about them being supervised, otherwise, they'd be doing just that.

Get out of the pool whenever you want, it's your holiday and these children are nothing to do with you. Disclaimer, obviously if you see one drown you save it though!!

A guy I knew was tasked with watching his younger siblings at a pool in Spain. He was about 7 or 8. One of his brothers drowned and this guy never got over it. Children should not be made responsible for other children. I would report to the hotel management that there needs to be a life guard at each pool. Don't let bad parenting spoil your holiday.

Around water is completely different but I disagree that the parents of a five year old 'should' be constantly interacting with them in a playground, even less a softplay. Obviously they shouldn't have left the premises but that's past the clambering around after them on the equipment stage. By all means tell them that you're busy but I don't think you need to tell them judgementally that their parents 'should' still be treating them like they're 18 months old...

Meh. It’s my holiday too and I want to lie on a sunlounger as I suspect many do

@LifeIsPainHighness oh you're just sooooo cooooool

@Toomuchtrouble4me did you even bother to read the OP's posts? In her second post she said:

The parents definitely not by the side of the pool watching. The kids pool, splash pad and surrounding area are covered by a big shade, and there are just a couple of seats on the side- they’re either empty or have adults who are obviously interacting with specific children.

So no, they are not watching.

Wind your own fecking neck in.

its when something happens they try and blame everyone but themselves

your children supervise them yourself

the hotel should have told the parents really not to leave them alonenot just kickthe kids out of the pool

oh I’m sorry should I be mummy martyring and hovering around my perfectly capable children going ‘careful darling’ lest I be considered soooooo cooooooooooooooooool?

Fuck that.

Women and mothers are allowed to enjoy themselves too FYI. Try it sometime

More and more pools have drowning detection systems nowadays like angeleye.

That's great. But I wouldn't rely on it over a person. In tandem with an adult watching is the best I think.