Tidy house reality - Please help!

[Redandgreenandpurple]

I am a mum of two young kids and a wife and our 3 bed house is just a constant effort to tidy it up in order to look ok.

When we wake up we leave the beds undone, dirty clothes on the floor, toys on the floor too, the toilet and wash basin are not 100% clean, landing has little things that are waiting to be put in their actual place. Then downstairs shoes in the entrance along with bags, the throws at the sofa are messy from the night before, again toys, maybe a forgotten plate from the night before or a bottle of beer, the drying rack full of clothes gets in the way, then in the kitchen things are relatively ok because I always load the dishwasher before going to bed but again the table may have crumbs, the cooking stove needs proper cleaning, the odd glass may be around, then the windows are dusty, the floor needs cleaning… etc. you get the point.

And then we all leave to work, school whatever. We come back around 6pm and then it all starts again and more mess is created. Then I spend an hour at night doing the basics like cooking and loading the dishwasher and that’s it.

The cleaning time is so minimal and everything is chaotic.

If a friend asks “can I pass by your place for a coffee” then it becomes the mission of the week/day to make everything look perfect! Or if we invite friends around!

Is this typical in every house or am I doing something wrong?

YANBU - That’s the story of my life
YABU - You are doing something wrong

No advice but it sounds like my house. I'm never fully on top of it, other peoples houses always seem so tidy and nice in comparison...

Sounds like you need to be clearing up as you go along OP, and teaching your kids, dependant on age obviously, to do likewise. Things don't put themselves away, so you have to do it at some point, why not when you've finished with it?

My house is no showhome, but why would you not make life easy for yourself by doing the basics?

Put the dishes and glasses in the dishwasher when you have finished using them, put the beer bottle in the recycling, make the bed when you get out if it, put clusters in the hamper when you get undressed.

It all has to be done anyway. You don’t gain anything by leaving it to fester. In fact by dealing with things at the time you benefit by living in a clean environment, for exactly the same effort.

It sounds like procrastination is your enemy.

Google the 'touch it once' rule! It's some sound advice to live by.

I don't know, you sound rather normal to me and so does the house. I would stress less about it before beating yourself up.

It's just stuff. Have a clean before a friend visits. All normal

None of this should be a priority when your children are young and you’re working. Relax, OP.

we have a cleaner a couple of times a month to keep things on a level. Our cleaner charges extra for tidying so it’s a good incentive to get on top of it

It doesn't sound unusual but you could improve it with some small changes. The beds for example, get into the habit of just pulling covers up and folding back after you get out. It takes seconds but does make a real difference when you come back in your room. My 4yo has started doing her own bed in the mornings like this (obviously it's a bit wonky but that's not important!).

I try and be my future friend and that's often making the time to do stuff so that the me of tomorrow doesn't wake up to a dirty house or mess, because that gets my day off to a shitty start. So either me or DH spends maybe 30 mins somewhere between end of work and kids going to sleep cleaning downstairs so it's a nice environment to spend the evening in and is ready for the next day.

If you want a clean house every day you do have to clean it every day. It took me quite a long time to actually work that out, silly as it sounds. I would binge clean and take hours out of my weekend and then it would be a mess again by mid-week, whereas now I try not to clean much at weekends and just do some every day instead.

The real question is whether it bothers you or not. Houses are meant to be lived in, and some clutter or mess with kids is inevitable. Everyone's tolerance for mess or cleanliness is different, really. If it doesn't affect your well-being or emotional state then why change? But if it does, then there are ways to change it that just require finding a slightly different routine.

Cleaner?

Next time you pass a cemetery, check and see how many grave stones say "I wish I'd spent more time tidying".

I think this is about balance. As others have said, try to get the children doing more etc, but also don't get bent out of shape about it and enjoy life. So there's a dish someone forgot? Who cares? That happens to me all the time.

Sounds exactly like my house. I have a 4.5yr old and twin 3.5yr olds. We now play on Alexa the 'tidy up time' song before going out/before bed/before they get to watch any tv! Has worked for me.

I think sadly, the best thing I've done is to slightly let my standards go... but also teach one of my twins to use the handheld hoover! My 4.5yr old watered the garden so much yesterday that it was like a wet weekend at Glastonbury, but saved me a job.

Sounds exactly like my house. Just can’t get on top of it. When I get it decent, it only lasts a day or two: And there.’s so much crap stuffed in cupboards. It’s never ending…

Yup, cleaner or ask people to pick up after themselves,

Surely they can put dirty clothes in the linen basket?

forgotten plate from the night before or a bottle of beer, - surely the adults in the house can sort that out?

Seems that some kind of delegation is in order?

Funnily enough I just spent three weeks decluttering, cleaning and repainting my house (ready for sale). But you would be so surprised by how much easier and more satisfying it is to keep clean now it's decluttered. I reckon you should spend a chunk of time dedicated to getting decluttered, then just be your future friend and use the one touch rule.

I disagree.

You can’t really relax if the basics aren’t being done ( otherwise this thread would not exist)

Get up 15 minutes earlier ( preferably before anyone else) and reset lounge room, collect any dishes left in other rooms, put anything away that’s left out etc.

On the weekends , spend 15 minutes each day getting rid of clutter. Repeat the following weekend.

Get a robot vacuum, the best you can afford, preferably one that also mops. Set it to work after you walk out the door in the morning.

How to keep house while you’re drowning

I found it really helpful.

Why don't dirty clothes get put in the laundry basket when they're taken off?

Quick tidy of the living room before you go to bed - toys put away with the children helping (how old are they?) before tea.

Kitchen cleared up straight after eating.

Bed made when you get up

Hoover quickly in the morning (what time do you all get up)

Are there two adults in the house to share the housework?

Yanbu and you know what my sister would say yabu but then her kids have had the most boring life watching their mum tidy all day on a Sunday whilst we’ve had a really fun life making memories. I grew up in an immaculate home and I hated my mum constantly tidying and cleaning and ignoring us all the time or nagging about stuff. So I decided when I became a mum that I would just enjoy life and relax a little and spend majority of our free time outdoors or relaxing indoors. My mum never sat down, never watched tele with us. It was a void of a home.
Enjoy the chaos whilst they’re young, you’re working and trying your best and that’s all that matters!

I always make a point of putting stuff in dishwasher, washing pans that can't go in and wiping sides down before bed. I can't stand getting up to a messy or dirty kitchen. Also I clean as I cook, so does DH. Makes things so much easier.

Dirty clothes in laundry basket.

Takes 1 minute to make bed, less to just pull covers up and fluff your pillows.

I clean toilet and sink in bathroom every day (5 mins tops) to get rid of toothpaste marks and it's nice to have a fresh loo.

Run hoover around whenever you get a spare 10 minutes.

I run the duster along window sills, pictures, mirrors etc every other day to stop it getting too dusty.

Make beds as soon as you get up

Fix the sofa throws last thing before bed

Last thing at night wipe down bathroom sinks and bleach the loo

Laundry basket in each bedroom and nobody gets into bed if dirty clothes aren't in it

Before bed 10 minutes scooping up toys and another10 minutes wiping down the kitchen

All of this adds up to no more than 30 minutes absolute max and will make a difference

At weekends you can choose a task to spend 20 minutes on eg dusting, tidying shoes, toy declutter

Little and often is the answer!

I disagree with you Theoldwoman. The children are the priority.
Most of this is superficial. Don’t you think the two adults here aren’t busy enough? And how much is a robot vacuum?

It does sound quite messy to be but I like a clean and tidy home. I know no-one goes to their grave wishing they’d spent more time tidying etc etc etc but I can just relax so much better if the house is tidy and I’m then a better mum to the kids. If it’s not bothering you then don’t worry as it doesn’t sound that bad, but if it is bothering you, and I’m guessing it is since you’ve started a MN thread on it, then it’s worth following other PPs advice and doing a little a day so it’s a nice environment for you all.

I listen to the minimal mom on youtube. Inspires me to crack on.

I always end up resentful and angry and give up on any good habits because DH and DC seem blind to it / give me aggro when I tell them to tidy their own shit!!

But I am hopeful that this year it can start to change , kids are getting to sch age and are forced to tidy at pre sch so trying to tap into that. Set a 5m timer and everyone do as much as possible. Try to make it a game or competition seems to motivate DC, whereas I have to tell DH to grow the F up and I'm not his servant!!! He washes his own crockery at work/puts used tissues in the bin at work fgs...

Anyway you have my sympathy, it sucks and is so stressful, relentless and unthanked!

What kind, compassionate advice. You seem lovely. When I'm in the trenches with little kids and feel like nothing is up to scratch, I'll think of this.

I now got a cleaner whom I love but it hasn't always been the case. Also cleaning is not the same as tidying .
This is what I did/ do which helps me.
Have a massive decluttering session, do zones, rooms , whatever works best. You can declutter in slots of 10 min here and there. In fact if you time limit yourself , you ll get more done.
I find that it's hard to keep up when we have too much inventory, specially clothes. I mean we all have washing machines, why do we keep so many clothes? Also not good to have clothes around that are too small, ripped or stained.
Toys, I swear they reproduce over night, children don't need so many.
Kitchen, I bet there is at least 10/15 items you don't need/ don't use.
Once decluttering is done it's much easier to keep up
Three things I do every day.
-Do dishes everyday, and clean your worktops
-Put a load laundry on everyday, I do it overnight so I hang it out first thing.
-Keep control of rubbish/ donation box. Scan the house for donation items ( keep an on going bag by front door) and put things in the bin.
My house is lived in but doesn't take long to straighten it up