Tidy house reality - Please help!

[Redandgreenandpurple]

I am a mum of two young kids and a wife and our 3 bed house is just a constant effort to tidy it up in order to look ok.

When we wake up we leave the beds undone, dirty clothes on the floor, toys on the floor too, the toilet and wash basin are not 100% clean, landing has little things that are waiting to be put in their actual place. Then downstairs shoes in the entrance along with bags, the throws at the sofa are messy from the night before, again toys, maybe a forgotten plate from the night before or a bottle of beer, the drying rack full of clothes gets in the way, then in the kitchen things are relatively ok because I always load the dishwasher before going to bed but again the table may have crumbs, the cooking stove needs proper cleaning, the odd glass may be around, then the windows are dusty, the floor needs cleaning… etc. you get the point.

And then we all leave to work, school whatever. We come back around 6pm and then it all starts again and more mess is created. Then I spend an hour at night doing the basics like cooking and loading the dishwasher and that’s it.

The cleaning time is so minimal and everything is chaotic.

If a friend asks “can I pass by your place for a coffee” then it becomes the mission of the week/day to make everything look perfect! Or if we invite friends around!

Is this typical in every house or am I doing something wrong?

YANBU - That’s the story of my life
YABU - You are doing something wrong

A genuine question, why put dirty clothes on the floor instead of straight in the laundry basket..?

You have too much stuff. So you can't clean as you go along. Only a massive declutter will work, anything less than that is just hopelessly moving stuff around and making keeping house clean and tidy a stressful mission.

Every single time you leave a room, take something that doesn't belong in room, and put it where it belongs. Take a few minutes to mop floors daily, have a mop upstairs & a mop downstairs + cleaning fluids, if necessary. Wipe down kitchen worktops & cupboard nightly, its a 5 minute job.

Little and often, really. Everyone in home has to be on board with this.

I struggle with this too. And yes the trick is absolutely to tidy up as you go along.
However, there are two problems with that. Firstly when you're rushing in the morning it takes longer to make a bed than not, to put clothes in the laundry rather than leave them when they drop, to return toiletries to their nice storage solution, wipe up the crumbs, fold towels.... While on its own each job is quick, they all add up and I get up early enough as it is.
Secondly, I do not want to spend my relaxing time jumping up and down every 5 minutes to put stuff in the dishwasher, recycling, toy box, wherever, the minute it's finished with, which is what I've observed the tidy house people doing.
I've resigned myself to it now.

@Cuteepie

what op wants is important too

and also it’s good for kids to live in a clean and tidy home also

for the same reasons people who have a dishwasher put the dirty dishes on the work top, or even better the sink.

Take some time off and de clutter your home!
Everything should have a dedicated space- if there isn't space for it, get rid of it. Sounds radical but a total life changer!

If you need/ buy something new , make space by throwing an old item out to make space. Especially clothes & kids toys. Best time to sort it out is just before birthdays & Christmas.

Then stick to the simple rule of everything needs to be returned to its place after use.

Clothes in washing basket/ cupboard.

Toys in toy boxes.

The WC can be cleaned by the person who has done a No2 - a quick sqitr of bleach and wipe down seat ect. keeps it lovely and clean. Same for sink after use & kitchen after cooking... ect.

Rest of the house gets cleaned once a week. Have a dedicated day (we do Saturday mornings), stick some music on and get a cleaning- dance routine.

Ok, I don't eat pork or beef but I can see how that would make more of a mess. I clean my oven roughly once a fortnight maybe every ten days.

I'm a mother of 2 kids too and it's just about organising yourself in a way that suits you.

I wake up 10mins before the kids to get myself ready then get the kids up and get their breakfast ready.

Then, I take a bite of toast then go get the kids clothes ready, another bite of food, make my bed, another bite of food, do something else etc, so unfortunately not sitting and eating. Don't have a dishwasher either so have to make the time to wash the dishes before leaving the house but if there's only 1 thing in the sink then I might leave it depending on how rushed I am.

Toilet I would keep clean but not necessarily the wash basin and bath, unless it really is bad.

If there's clutter I ask the kids (many, many times) to pick up their toys and put away. OH cleans the kitchen every night cos it's his thing 😁

But once a week (or sooner if we have company!) we do a big clean/tidy up in the living areas and bathroom.

It's just organising yourselves in the best way you can. One way doesn't work for everyone, so don't stress too much.

It's hard you do have to put time into it, I find even if I don't do more than essentials just for 1 day it's looking bad quickly. This isn't helped by having outgrown the house. When I get up I make my bed before I go downstairs I do the kids a bit later but before we all leave for work school. I pick up clothes etc as I go along day n put them in the wash basket. I do atleast a load of washing daily and put clean stuff away regularly. I tidy up and do sofa throws in the evening and mostly they still look nice in the mornings. I will say though that I often don't really stop until about 9 at night. I don't only work 4 days so on my weekday off I do jobs and get shopping etc.

Sometimes you just need to declutter and get rid of all the stuff you don't want to keep making tidy. Throws, extra toys, extra shoes, extra crockery/pans/cups - just have a big declutter and work on being minimalist then there's nothing to make messy!

Oh and make your bed as soon as you get out of it, kids straighten theirs too, and make the kids put clothes in wash baskets/shoes straight, every time, as a house rule (it all soon becomes automatic).

It's taken me 20 years to crack the tidy house but 'getting rid of loads of stuff', is the method that's worked best for me!

My house isn't like this, but that's because I'm a SAHM with school aged children. I feel like I can barely keep it all under control with 5 hours child free a day, I've no idea how the fuck people do it working full time!

I think society has drilled into us that we must have it all, work, family, hobbies, family time, clean house, meals from scratch etc when the reality it is unachievable. As long as your family is happy, the children are fed and have clean clothes on their backs, that is all that matters. I find I completely blitz one room, move onto the next then some sort of hurricane has plowed through the previous room. Give yourself some slack, you’re probably doing amazing!

Get a system, put it in place, stick to it rigidly, your kids will thank you for it one day.
Good habits start small: every day make bed as soon as you can (unless you air them). Every day when you pass something on stairs to take down/up take it. Every day when you go to bed hang up clothes or put them in laundry or on chair or whatever.

And multi task. When you’ve used the bathroom basin, give it a quick squirt of cleaner, wipe and rinse. It takes 30 seconds. If your hall fills with shoes get better storage or let people keep them on.

It takes two minutes to make a bed in the morn. Putting dirty clothes in a basket takes no effort. Picking up towels and wiping a basin takes another minute. Toys in baskets. I simply don't understand how being that lazy and whining about it helps.

I’ve just been complaining about this today. I’m a single parent to 10/13 year olds. Beds aren’t made but I don’t stress about it as I did see something on tv once about airing beds and not necessarily making them. Ours are very well aired. I think I have a lack of suitable storage and too much clutter. I declutter regularly but it never seems to end. I try and get the kids to help but one is autistic and can be tricky. The other is suspected adhd and it’s all or nothing and she will either have a spotless room and it’s a tip, and she gets stuff out and never finishes it before moving onto the next thing. No amount of ‘just tell them to tidy’ is helpful. My own room is chaotic. The landing is full of stuff waiting to be sent to charity!! The ironing board lives out with the baskets of ironed clothes sitting on top waiting to be tidied away. I go into so many peoples houses which are like show homes but do wonder if that’s reality of last minute visitor cleaning.

Follow The Minimal Mom on YouTube. V helpful re coping with all of the demands outlined

Little BUT often, never leave a room empty handed. Big clean once a month. This takes far less time in the long run as nothing gets really bad...

Check out The Minimal Mom on YouTube. Life changing

You have just described my house and life. Thank you for helping me feel normal 😘

Our house is often a mess because I’d rather hang out with my 4 year old building train tracks / reading / having fun than be in the kitchen all the time. I take a day off work and do a big clean every month - I felt really guilty about it but actually now I’m like - it’s cool this is my choice and my child has so much fun with me!

Our house and lives sound exactly like yours. I sometimes get overwhelmed but then I remember that there's times when it's tidy and times when it's not. One day it will be tidy all of the time and you will miss these days so much.

Does no-one air their beds in the morning? Then fluff up duvet just before you get into bed!

Just started listening to the audiobook-wonderful!

I recommend a book called “How to Keep House While Drowning: A gentle approach to cleaning and organising”
And be kind to yourself.