Tidy house reality - Please help!

[Redandgreenandpurple]

I am a mum of two young kids and a wife and our 3 bed house is just a constant effort to tidy it up in order to look ok.

When we wake up we leave the beds undone, dirty clothes on the floor, toys on the floor too, the toilet and wash basin are not 100% clean, landing has little things that are waiting to be put in their actual place. Then downstairs shoes in the entrance along with bags, the throws at the sofa are messy from the night before, again toys, maybe a forgotten plate from the night before or a bottle of beer, the drying rack full of clothes gets in the way, then in the kitchen things are relatively ok because I always load the dishwasher before going to bed but again the table may have crumbs, the cooking stove needs proper cleaning, the odd glass may be around, then the windows are dusty, the floor needs cleaning… etc. you get the point.

And then we all leave to work, school whatever. We come back around 6pm and then it all starts again and more mess is created. Then I spend an hour at night doing the basics like cooking and loading the dishwasher and that’s it.

The cleaning time is so minimal and everything is chaotic.

If a friend asks “can I pass by your place for a coffee” then it becomes the mission of the week/day to make everything look perfect! Or if we invite friends around!

Is this typical in every house or am I doing something wrong?

YANBU - That’s the story of my life
YABU - You are doing something wrong

I’ve started giving myself a “5 minute challenge” . Set a 5 minute timer on your phone, no tv on, no earphones, no distractions at all and challenge yourself to see how much you can do in one room in 5 minutes. Obviously we’re not talking about deep cleaning here but it’s amazing what you can actually do in just 5 minutes! Focus on putting things away in their proper places and keeping surfaces clear and clean and you’ll feel much better.

We have had something very similar to this built in under our stairs. I think it was around £500, but its made the biggest difference to our hallway clutter.

I agree. I've heard so many people say the equivalent of "ohhhh don't stress over keeping tidy and clean when you have kids, it's impossible. Just let it go for a few years" - but being constantly in a dirty mess actually makes your life much harder every day, and why would you do that to yourself???

On the flip side, it is virtually impossible to keep a house looking nice all the time when you have little kids and you're all busy or out of the house most of the day. So you have to work out what you're willing to compromise on, and just stick to your non-negotiables.

I love what PP said about being your future self's friend! There are certain things I MAKE myself do because I know I will curse myself later if I don't bother to do it now - eg. making kids' lunches, putting out all uniform and finding all school bags / books / shoes the night before.

Other things that actually don't take long but are well worth spending a few minutes on -

Make your beds every morning, takes seconds and makes the whole room look less chaotic

Put clothes straight in laundry bin when you take them off, even fairly young kids can be taught this rule

Do the dishwasher, quickly tidy the kitchen, wipe the table and worktops before bed. This is definitely a non-negotiable even if I'm knackered and can't be bothered... because I LOATHE coming down to a dirty messy kitchen in the morning

When you go up to bed, grab all the bits off the stairs and landing and just do a 5-minute whip round putting stuff away

I guess it all depends how much the mess bothers you. It's absolutely normal to be chaotic a lot of the time with small kids but I do have to make an effort to keep on top of stuff because constantly living in chaos has a massive effect on my mental health.

Ooh also it's actually really nice to plug in some headphones once the kids are in bed and just spend half an hour blitzing the mess whilst listening to a podcast or something on audible. Or music, if that's your jam.

That way I get time to decompress and I also get the bonus of having a tidier house to greet me the next morning.

Yes, we both work full time! (And no dishwasher). These jobs are little things that don’t take long if you keep on top of them.

Morning’s before work I air the bed while I exercise. Wash up breakfast dishes before I go and wipe down the sides/ empty the toaster. Maybe clean the bathroom or hoover before leaving.
When I get home I walk the dogs, cook, tidy the kitchen and hoover/mop if it’s not been done in the morning. Before bed I’ll make sure everything is tidy, nothing out of place. None of this takes long. The fridge gets cleaned out every Wednesday after work because the shopping comes on a Thursday. The oven gets done once a week after work while it’s cooling after dinner.

When I have more time I’ll do bigger jobs such as wash the windows, vax the carpets etc.

We are in the same boat

@Arewehumanorarewecupboards oh ffs. I’m out of this thread. Vax the carpets just killed me.

@EatYourVegetables sorry! Do you want to borrow the vax?

Yes, we both work full time! (And no dishwasher).

I nearly fainted. I can't live without my dishwasher 😂
Other people do as they please, but I can't cope!

@Febreezefantastic it’s not by choice sadly. I love our home but we don’t have space for a dishwasher. So we wash as we go! We wash as we are cooking so we don’t have loads to wash after dinner.

@Arewehumanorarewecupboards no thank you!! I have two. I bought one, couldn’t find it it my messy house, bought another one and now can’t find either. It’s probably for the best.

You're a full time worker with two little one's and unless you get a cleaner in your house is probably going to look lived in for sometime yet.

Is it a matter of having a lack of storage to keep things looking tidy or just managing time when home to find to do the chorus?

It can be mind blowing if you look at every room collectively as being chaotic so best to concentrate on one thing at a time.

Do you have/is there room for shoe storage?

Declutter kids toys, throw out broken and if they have a good few maybe box some up and pop them away and rotate every so often, they'll forget about them and when you swap they'll think they have new.

Same with everything decluttering is so good, even if once you put little ones to bed set an alarm for 15 minutes you'll be surprised how much you can get done and may even continue for another 15 minutes or so.

Beaver away doing one little job daily, stay focused and don't divert from it until its finished.

Kitchen for me is a must every night as can't stand coming down to an untidy kitchen in the morning and one job I always do nightly is wipe out the oven and clean the hob, made a mistake once and left oven all week, spent 2.5 hours on a Saturday chipping off burnt on food where as nightly is no more than 5 minutes.

Mornings before work obviously I’m quite pressed for time with two small DC but I do always wipe the skirting boards after my early yoga session, and repaint all the ground-floor ceilings brilliant white after breakfast – once you get into the habit these little tasks are a doddle.

😂

Why the sniggering comment?

I hate this narrative that you MUST have a chaotic life with children, and any tidy home is a sign of neglected children.

Why the need to shame women whatever they do? No one is looking down at a father for the state of his home funnily enough.

You are correct on one point, it's a lot easier and quicker to maintain a tidy home than having to start from scratch. Life is too short to stress about house work and waste weekends running around trying to catch up.

@Crumpleton what are you cooking in your oven?

Jesus, I could not be arsed doing all that. Think I've emptied the toaster 3 times... in 12 years.

I voted YABU. Just clean as you go.

I couldn't live like it, but if you can live like that then carry on as you are - fortunately I don't have to live in your house and you don't have to live in mine.

I am pretty good at what I like to call ‘dirty cleaning’ - those little guerrilla jobs you do in a spare 2 minutes that aren’t perfect and aren’t done with the right ‘stuff’ but make the place look better and make the actual cleaning easier when you come to do it.

E.g if the toilet seat looks a bit grim I’ll go over it with a damp bit of loo roll; I’ll go round the shower tray with puff and shower gel if it looks scummy; spot clean any kitchen floor drips.

As for toys…I’d say wait a few years till they grow out of them. 😂 And remember that other people’s perfect tidy homes are probably thanks to cleaners/grandmothers/manic sessions before your visit. Trust me no one’s looking, and if they are you want nothing to do with them.

@Febreezefantastic I have really enjoyed your posts on this thread, and agreed with them.

I'm naturally a clean and tidy person - but I'm a single parent, a lot of stress related to that, 3 very very busy DC, and a busy f/t job. I can't afford a cleaner - but tbh, that's not even the issue as I am very particular about cleaning so I know I'd probably be a bit of a nightmare as a client. I also quite enjoy cleaning, once I have some time and energy.

The last couple of years in particular my house was really getting me down. It took me a while to realise the different factors - I felt like I was constantly tidying /cleaning each day, just to keep on top of everything but I still was needing to 'deep clean' at weekends and had no time.

I agree with you re: the comments on 'oh don't worry about your house being messy with small DC'. I have also realised that an organised and clean house improves my MH and my capacity to make good decisions and relax, even when I'm busy and stressed. It's more than just tidying / cleaning.

For me, I realised that I have to break the bigger jobs down into stages, that get done across a day / two days e.g. on my WFH days I might quickly clean the toilets in a break. Later that day, I might wash all the floors, and that night or the following morning, I'll do shower / sinks / bath. Each task is c15 mins, so 3 x 15 mins done separately = clean bathrooms. If I wait to have 45 minutes at one time to clean everything together, it's impossible and takes a bit longer as I switch between each task. Someone said, horrified, to me - but that must feel like you are always cleaning - well, yes, it does! But it's worth it to not let dirty bathrooms build up as a chore I can't get to.

I also have adopted the clean before it's too messy / dirty mantra - so another 15 minutes flying around the sitting room/hall with a duster mid week, before doing it again at the weekend, and hoovering every day. There's something about waiting until it really needs to be done that I find very stressful.

Finally, as everyone has said, I got properly into decluttering. I was one of those 'organised hoarders' e.g. each bedroom had shelves and shelves of books / toys / files etc, documents / kids' stuff was in boxes, neatly stacked. But it was still clutter, and I really realised that when I had to get a big job done, new boiler, and the workmen were in each room - but there was really no space - to move the stuff, for them to navigate.

I think OP if you are feeling unhappy with the state of the house, you are correct to deal with it. I think suggestions already made about a fixed time each morning or night - you and DP 15 mins at night, would have the basic cleaning up from the day sorted, and doing the same in the morning would get a daily wash on / out, quick tidy of rooms, beds, and bathrooms, and then the bigger tidying and cleaning would feel a lot more manageable.

if it is important to you, op, to have a tidier house, have a look at The Organised Mum Method. She has great guided cleans on Patreon now too. You put in your headphones and just do what she says! 👌👌😊Has saved my house! 😆😆But our house is not clean and tidy all the time because, well, we live in it but it takes about 15/30 minutes if/when I need to get it back to a good standard because we do sth each day. Sounds like mess might be more of an issue, she has a great 10 minute tidy that really helps.

In all honesty it was just everyday foods, meats like pork chops, chicken/ breasts, roasting joints, the like.
Beef burgers make a slattering of grease.

For complete laziness on my half I'm going to have a try and cook meat in those roasting bags.

Don’t go to bed without losing the dishwasher and putting it on

ditto washing machine

clean surfaces.

Straighten the throws before you go to bed .

It’s just a matter of discipline

we also get a skip every year

So true.
Can remember when I was selling my property, my dishwasher would have given Mary Poppins bag a run for its money.

Why would you not make the bed when you get up, and allow children to dump bags at front door.

I'm naturally untidy but I have taught myself to be otherwise. Which does include putting clothes away at night and just generally taking an extra couple of minutes so that it doesn't get to that state.

I worked full time when children were young and still managed to keep on top of it.