Tidy house reality - Please help!

[Redandgreenandpurple]

I am a mum of two young kids and a wife and our 3 bed house is just a constant effort to tidy it up in order to look ok.

When we wake up we leave the beds undone, dirty clothes on the floor, toys on the floor too, the toilet and wash basin are not 100% clean, landing has little things that are waiting to be put in their actual place. Then downstairs shoes in the entrance along with bags, the throws at the sofa are messy from the night before, again toys, maybe a forgotten plate from the night before or a bottle of beer, the drying rack full of clothes gets in the way, then in the kitchen things are relatively ok because I always load the dishwasher before going to bed but again the table may have crumbs, the cooking stove needs proper cleaning, the odd glass may be around, then the windows are dusty, the floor needs cleaning… etc. you get the point.

And then we all leave to work, school whatever. We come back around 6pm and then it all starts again and more mess is created. Then I spend an hour at night doing the basics like cooking and loading the dishwasher and that’s it.

The cleaning time is so minimal and everything is chaotic.

If a friend asks “can I pass by your place for a coffee” then it becomes the mission of the week/day to make everything look perfect! Or if we invite friends around!

Is this typical in every house or am I doing something wrong?

YANBU - That’s the story of my life
YABU - You are doing something wrong

I’d do a major declutter! Get rid of half the toys, extraneous stuff – sofa throws? The less stuff you have to tidy thr better. Everyone gets one pair of shoes in the hallway, the rest live in bedrooms.

Do stuff as you do it: bed made and cover folded back to air when you get up. Clothes in washing basket when you take them off. Wipe up crumbs at end of each meal. Etc.

You do need the other adult in the house to be on board, though. You can’t be the only one resetting if your DH doesn’t.

Also a cleaner and s robot vacuum cleaner.

But really just have less stuff. I’ve culled the DC’s toys massively and they actually play better and don’t notice what’s gone.

Couldn’t live like this sorry, and yes I sometimes ran myself ragged when mine were all at home and worked full time.

But, I don’t get why the throws cannot be tidied up when you get up to go to bed. Why is the bottle left in the room and not put in the recycling. Why don’t the crumbs get wiped when the table cleared? The stove top wiped over when you’ve finished cooking?

These aren’t overwhelming tasks, just basic clean up as you go along.

I get the drying rack though, I don’t have one but my adult DC do and it’s never put down.

Youve just described my house too OP! I live exactly like this. It's reassuring though that I'm not the only one

Thanks so much for posting this. Have just read the sample and bought it.

Gets to the proper heart of the matter immediately. I'd never heard of it before.

It's hard when you are working those hours as I can appreciate the spare time you do have you want to relax.

When you have young children I don't believe you are ever going to have a show home so don't put pressure on yourself.

I work full time and the things I do to help a little is the following:

Hall - Have a shoe rack/basket everyone has to put them in there when taking them off. Winter type shoes/boots are stored away

Living room - limit toys that are there most should be in their rooms but I have a cube storage unit that I chuck everything in once their in bed

Throws absolute nightmare aren't they! But I've got them so toddler doesn't get sofa mucky. Either ask your husband to do this before bed or in the morning.

Kitchen - endless crumbs! Look we have children they are messy it's hard to keep on top of. I find theres no point in sorting this out until after dinner otherwise you will be hoovering twice. A small battery handheld hoover is handy for spot hoovering without dragging out the main hoover

Bathroom - if you have a shower clean it whilst having a shower. Whilst brushing teeth give sink a wipe over. Whilst bathing the children give the toilet a clean without strong chemicals.

Bedroom - nope our bed isn't made everyday but I'm trying to enforce the rule last person out of bed has to tidy it up. Children's beds never made, unless i do a clean bed change. Clothes - winter clothes stored in the loft, basket in every room gets chucked in there. I probably hoover once a week upstairs.

It takes team work. Many young children like the responsibility of helping with chores putting washing in the machine, stickers for tidying toys away ect

It's a home and it's lived in, and what your feeling is how many people do. Just remember it's not just on you!

Come on over and join us on the Daily Project thread!

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4722070-daily-project-round-3?page=6&reply=126894252

basically the premise of the thread is trying to make small changes daily- to routines - to new house and garden projects that make a difference to our homes and how we fell about them. Personally I have older Dcs but my house was in total chaos as it is very ramshackle and I am inflicted by a messy almost-hoarder DH. You will feel so much better when you see the changes you make and then embed.

One massive change for me is that I do now make all the beds as soon as I get up (and the DCs are now starting to do the same). It takes minutes in the moment (wheras it seems to take much longer if I have to come back to it as a task) and starts the day off right for me at least.

You are in a very difficult phase now with young children and work and the daily demands of life. So don't heap the expectation of perfection upin yourself. Start with the basics and you will feel miles better.

It sounds like procrastination and half done jobs - sounds like me and I have inattentive adhd - worth googling it

I have a 3 bed house and 1 toddler. My husband works full time and I am at home with the little one all week.

We work so hard at keeping our house clean, tidy and clutter free. I feel like I am non stop from the moment I wake up to the moment we go to bed some days. Every mea is cleared away properly, crumbs hoovered ( I have my normal hoover and a mini crumb hoover), all beds made everyday, toys cleared throughout day and in the evening, dishes done at every meal, washing is done each day. Rooms left tidy each night.

I have a rule of see it, do it. So for exame, if I see some cat hairs on a windowsill, I wipe them off there and then. Bigger things I can't do with my toddler around (ironing for example) get done in the evening when he's asleep. I try to.work smart as well so if there are clean clothes to be out away for example, I'll do it when my bath is running.

I often stay at home on Saturday morning to do a proper clean of different rooms while my husband goes out with the toddler.

It's a never ending job but once you get into a rhythm it becomes automatic and so much easier!

1. Declutter - a house with less stuff is easier to manage!!
2. Stay on top of things (make beds when you get up, pick up toys at night, put dishes in dishwasher).

1. If you see a mess, clear it up then and there. Mess attracts mess!!

1. Don't ever go upstairs/downstairs empty-handed. There's always something that's downstairs that should be upstairs and vice versa. Best advice my mum tought me and it helps with the house tremendously!!

1. You can't have results without putting in the work. If you want a tidy house, you have to tidy up daily.

I try to tidy the kitchen and living room daily. Often clean bits of the bathroom while I'm using it but have never worked out how / had sufficient motivation to be on top of everything. Husband is not a natural rider and after 40 years I have to accept it (or kill him!). Teenager the same - nagging not always possible due to their mental health issues. Child in 20s thankfully keeps all their mess in their bedroom - kitchen is a work in progress.

We rarely invite people round these days but it's not due to the mess - we can pull together as a team when we need to (DH and I, not kids).

Yes it's normal, to me anyway.

Tidier, not rider!

But is tidiness the priority focus in life? It's nice to have, but life is for living- fostering relationships and doing what makes you feel good.

I clicked yabu and think you're doing two things wrong:

1. tidy up as you go - make the kids make their beds for example
2. lower your overall standards from 'perfect' to 'passable'

My house is always fine, never perfect. I'm ok with that. If it's not good enough for a visitor, they can go somewhere else.

I often stay at home on Saturday morning to do a proper clean of different rooms while my husband goes out with the toddler.

Living the dream here. Seriously - why ?

Ruthless decluttering

Clean little and often

Never leave a room empty handed eg why would you leave a dinner plate in the living room? When you go to bed, swing by the kitchen and put it in the dishwasher

All of this is easy to keep on top of if you are single or your DP is on board. A lot harder if you want the house tidy but your DP is a slob. In that case, you tidy up and feel resentful, or you leave it and hate the mess. Neither is good

Make your bed when you get up. It takes about half a second to do that.
Tidy up your clothes before you go to bed
Have a place for everything to go and if you don't have enough places then you have too much stuff and need to declutter a bit.
Tidy the kitchen straight after dinner
Kids tidy their toys before bed.
Bathrooms get a scrub twice a week
Hoover as needed.
Don't stress but do make your bed. Unmade beds are grim. 😁

@Onelifeonly thanks for the advice 😁

I'll correct what I said. I am busy all day with my toddler so I feel like I'm on the go from waking to sleep as I do all the housework bits inbetween and then after he's gone to bed as well.

I like a clean and tidy house. I also enjoy playing with my little one and taking him out, seeing my family, eating nice meals with my husband, adventures as a family on the weekend...I think its entirely possible to do all these things and have a tidy house but it takes a lot of work!

So many people not airing their beds. 😱

You'll get a sheaf of tips on how to systemise. Most of it won't be relevant to the sort of stuff you are talking about. I don't think your house sounds cluttered at all - if it's a beer bottle and some crumbs away from being visitor ready then that sounds pretty good to me. And getting a cleaner mainly forces you to clear the piles from the stairs etc, it doesn't eliminate the job of tidying.

When the kids were little we would never wash up breakfast. We'd leave one small neat pile of dishes by the sink all day. Then in the evening one of us would empty the dishwasher and fill it. Yes we could have got up 10 mins earlier and done the DW while juggling toddler and schoolchild, but why? I still cannot see the issue with a pile of 4 bowls sitting by the sink all day while we were out. I am destined never to have a visitor ready house and I'm quite comfortable with not having this as a life goal.

@wildfirewonder I enjoy it! It's the only time of the week I get to have a quiet house to myself and I enjoy knowing a bathroom is now clean. It's not every week but I see no problem with it every couple of weeks.

Its not everyone's cup of tea and thats ok.I have a lovely life and am very happy 😊

I think it all illustrates how having a clean and tidy house is hard work, we're all on a sliding scale of what we're happy to do!

You sound exactly like me OP.

I’ve tried to implement “if it takes less then 5 minutes do it now” approach which is helpful.

I’ve also found setting a 15 minute timer for myself to tidy around useful as well so I focus on tidying.

The organised mum method looks good I just haven’t had the time to sort it with a newborn 😂😂.

I distinguish between ‘stuff’ and ‘dirt’ - crockery in dishwasher and crumbs wiped up much more important than washing put away etc.

But that’s because we’re in the countryside and I don’t want mice - so it’s easier to be disciplined about!

Friends won’t judge washing piles or throws not tidied, but might judge food litter etc.

I've never got on top of mine, and no longer have young children as an excuse.

Like a PP, though, I'm surprised that so many people don't air their beds. Mine airs all day, though that's more by accident than design. In an ideal world, I'd air it for a couple of hours, then make it.

Sounds like my house.
It is better than it was, but there are still days/weeks that it slips into chaos.

Things that we changed to make it better:
Cleaner once a week - forces us to tidy the night before.
Quick clean up after the kids have gone to bed but before we sit down - you can get a lot done in 10 minutes, make it part of your routine. (Wipe table, pick up toys, fold or pack away washing)
And then 2 mins before you go to bed (stay plates and beer bottles, straighten throws).
The next morning it looks better, then when a pair of shoes or seven get dumped in the middle of the hall you don't just step over them because they are one of 100 things to do, you pick them up because the rest of it already looks OK.

Having a partner that is on-board helps, or being single might be better - not an extra person creating more mess and making you resentful while sitting down as you tidy.

All of this is easy to keep on top of if you are single or your DP is on board. A lot harder if you want the house tidy but your DP is a slob. In that case, you tidy up and feel resentful, or you leave it and hate the mess. Neither is good
Yes, I think this is key – particularly where there are small children. Who is doing the bulk of the small children labour (pickups, meals, nose wiping, snacks, supervision, bedtimes etc), because the other person then needs to up the ante on the housework. Or it all needs to be 50/50.

Our house is noticeably tidier on days DP works out the house. And I’m currently on tiny baby evening duty so the house reset is on DP – and he does a half-arsed job that makes it abundantly clear that the house was only ever clean and tidy at the expense of my time. He’s the type to clear fluff from a tumble dryer filter and put it on the counter instead of in the bin – actually creating mess and adding a whole extra step to clearing up. Same with the beer bottle and plate – whoever they belonged to, that person stood up at some point, turned out the lights and went up to bed. It would have added 15 seconds to carry the bottle and plate to the kitchen sink and stack them before going up; 30 seconds to rinse and put on the rack.

At the moment it sounds like all the 30-second jobs are being skipped and together it adds up to mess. But who is skipping them? You, DH, or both?