To be constantly irritated by my sister and annoyed about one upmanship

[OhWellIAmJustNutsThen]

I don't really know if any of this makes sense but I feel like I'm starting to lose the plot. I have a sister (as well as other siblings), we are a few years apart both in 30s. She has a couple of kids, I have three. Growing up we were quite close, shared a room etc but since we have grown up we still see each other alot but I feel constantly irritated. She copies absolutely everything I/we do as a family. Sounds petty, but I mean everything. Whatever I buy my eldest, it is then brought for her eldest ( a year younger), even if I don't share she will remark on the things on the background of photos for example and within a day they have it. I then get constant 'oh I cant believe my DC had this/done this a year earlier' 🙄 and absolutely everything is upgraded so it comes with 'oh do you have the standard one, we brought the XL version, the bigger set..etc etc' it sounds petty, but i kid you not, it's unrelenting, to the point she is booking the same holiday as us but of course a better room, package etc. I say nothing, but I'm at the point I don't tell her/show her much because I just know what's going to happen. It's constant one upmanship.
She absolutely demands attention, to the point she makes things up, her pregnancies being the worst times. we (our family) had a running commentary of everything, and I admit she had a few health niggles in that time but I caught her out lying time and time again about things that didnt quite add up but were scaring my mum to bits unnecessarily.
Now it's the thought of her announcing another pregnancy. Sounds utterly ridiculous again I know, but I'm absolutely worn down by it as the hints have started coming. I want her to be happy I really do, but it's the constant messages, the constant demands for attention and she will then have the youngest grandchild (and unlikely to be anymore to come from any of us) so will likely need some sort of parade for that too...🙄

My mum mentioned a few months ago when I voiced (in private) I was irritated by the one upmanship as my eldest has actually noticed himself (and he's 5!!) that she thinks she's jealous which I just don't get. She earns more, has a much "swankier" life style than us. I am content with my life and am not trying to compete for more. I just want to enjoy my things without feeling like it will either be put down or see it "done better" and rubbed in my face.

Am I being petty or is there a better way to manage this, I feel like I'm having to think about it way too much. I can't really distance myself as we meet regularly without it being very noticeable to everyone. I just find myself having to grit my teeth all the time.

Just saw the edit.

So sorry that anyone has to go through that.

I don't feel jealous of what she has. I don't care she has more money. it just bugs me that she has to do one better. Another example being me getting the kids to make DIY baubles for Christmas for my parents when lo and behold she presents a ceramic pottery class bauble from her kids for Christmas. It's the principle.

I also see my parents alot so it's not that. But I do feel frustrated that there is always a reason why they have to see//do on a certain day, usually because of some sort of emotional thing - again, one upmanship. I always just say whatever we will change our plans because quite frankly I don't see the point in arguing with her because she will find a way to weedle her way in and get her own way.

This sounds like fun! 😜

🤣🤣🤣 a tattoo! Classic. That should put an end to this nonsense!!

I think it sounds like she really looks up to you OP. I have a younger sister who is literally like my clone 😂 whatever I do, wherever I go, whatever I buy she’s having it too. I find it really quite sweet and flattering … I’m happy for her. You don’t sound at all happy for your sister.

My husband has joked for a while I should 'buy' my kids something truly shit just to see what happens.

But honestly, I just want it to stop. I don't want to feel shitty about her, and I do want her to be happy

I have a family member who is the same. It’s very difficult to put up with, because it’s not about the things you have, it almost becomes like they want to wear your skin. It’s like being stalked I find sometimes (I have been stalked and the feeling of being on edge is similar to me at least) you know she’s watching your every move and waiting for the next one.

I have blocked my cousin on everything and give her very little information.

Maybe I should try and be ultra nice and be flattered and see what happens 🤔 maybe it's me ??? I just don't know. I just feel like I don't like her at all anymore because she's like a bad fly that tries to intrude on all our plans or show me up.

I am genuinely happy with everything I have but I feel she makes me feel like shouldn't be. Does that make sense?

@OhWellIAmJustNutsThen Let her crack on.
Only share stuff with your Mum that you want your Sis to know.

As far as your Dad - just surprise him one weekend. Don't tell your Mum too much, she's enabling your Sis.

I’d be inclined to stop telling her things in future. If you don’t tell her about holidays you have planned, she can’t copy. If you don’t send her pics of your DC with certain products etc then again, she can’t copy. Hide your social media posts from her if necessary.

Sounds like she’s jealous and insecure. She doesn’t have her own identity so is effectively using yours. I had a friend like this in school, drove me nuts and I fell out with her for it. Every decision I made (even really bad ones), she felt she had to copy. Difference was we were 14/15, your sister is obviously far older and needs to grow up.

I hate to tell you...but it won't change. My wife is mid 50s her sister is 14 years older...but does this constantly...or tries to. It's me it bothers, not my wife ignores it, I assume she's used to it.
The thing being that my wife has done so much better in life than her sister, who wanted desperately to inherit her PIL big, big house...but mil had dementia and spent years in a care home. Sister never really worked (lazy) and her husband who died a couple of years ago was a drunk so she doesn't have any money.
The top one upping recently is when she announced she was taking up a sport. My wife works at the sporting venue. She's never showed any interest before she found out that my wife works there. My wife let slip she's taking up golf to see what the reaction would be!
We are low contact. If it wasn't for mil who's in her 90s we'd have no contact.
worst bit of one upping she did...book the same church as is to get married...an hour after our wedding. FIL went nuts.

Could you step back a little, maybe not share so much about what you are doing or buying so that there is less opportunity to copy your life. It sounds like you are a very close family but perhaps too close IYSWIM.

Honestly, OP, I think you're being unreasonable. If you were as happy with your life as you say, you wouldn't be so hyper-aware of what she's doing. And it's not necessarily that you're jealous of her greater means, it's also a matter of taking up greater amounts of parental or familial attention/worry. Your response to her hinting she's pregnant, or likely soon to be, seems quite extreme, and the stuff about your sister having the youngest grandchild and needing a 'parade' for that sounds frankly petty. It sounds as if you're fighting over your parents' attention, and who gets to be worried about/fussed over most. (Are they particularly anxious parents? Again, it sounds quite extreme to get this exercised about a pregnancy...?)

Also, I'm astonished you have so much data about one another's holidays and purchases. I'm very fond of both my sisters, and we all now live in the same city as our parents, after years being widely scattered around the world, but have no particular clue about the cost of the cars they drive, how much they travel, what they spend their money on. Why do your father's day plans have to be exclusive? Can't they involve your sister and her family too, if they've decided to come again?

No one can make you engage in oneupmanship without you consenting to it. And I certainly don't think a small child would notice it without his parent/s making it an issue. If your five year old is noticing it, it's because he's noticing that you're obsessing about it.

I dont see anything wrong with this.

She wants to spend time with him on Fathers day. Maybe they thought they might be busy but arent in the end.

Did she actually go through with the wedding?

Start pretending to like shit stuff.

No fil refused to pay. Read her the riot act. Think that was the only time that either parent pulled her up on her behaviour.

@Elvis1956 that's unbelievable behaviour

OP doesn't want to share fathers day, she doesn't want her sister to have another baby. But ok I must be her sister 🤣🤣

In respects to my parents, yes it's annoying when she scuppers plans and turns up because then the day is all about her. Not me, it's not meant to be. It's father's day. But I can guarantee the day will be about her.

It may be abit of jealousy on my part for the attention with them because quite frankly she demands it, and as I said she has lied multiple times to the point my mum is worried sick and will be constantly seeing her, talking to her but then the lies all fizzle out to be nothing. And there is emotional blackmail. We can't all turn up to my parents at once as it's a small house, but she has "bagged" (her own words) boxing day, new year's day etc every year because her eldest is 'pushed out' or other multiple reasons. As I said, we just go another day but after years and years it's really quite annoying. It's her way every time.

Your post made me laugh because I had the same conversation with my mum at the weekend. Her sister copies her ALL the time. Buys the same clothes, goes to the same hairdresser, books the same holidays. Mum just laughed until last week. My aunt was in mums, mum picked up her own handbag until aunt pointed out it was actually aunt's handbag. It is an identical bag. Mum had bought it on holiday in Spain. Aunt went to same resort and tracked down the bag. She denied that the bags were alike. They are identical except mums has been used and aunt's is brand new. I was there watching and laughing. They are 79 and 80 so op you have a lot of years ahead 😁

I didn't say I don't want her to have another baby 🙄 I said I'm dreading the drama that will inevitably go with it. And she had her father's day with him this past weekend, by her doing. I'd already made plans for this weekend for him

@Nutsabouttopic oh no!

Any suggestions how I let it all go? Do I just have to suck it up? I don't want it to continually annoy me/make me resent her but equally I feel I'm spending too much time thinking what she's going to wade in on next (like mental chess 🫣)

When you do the fake tattoo, really go for realism. Have a bandage over it for a bit. Then add some redness with makeup.

This must be upsetting and as you say, you feel watched. Horrible. I don't have any constructive advice about how to cope with the attention seeking behaviour.