Our local Catholic church doesn't want us there. I can't understand why

[BlueMediterranean]

Hi everyone,

I wanted to share an issue my partner and I have been facing at our local Catholic church and get your thoughts on it. We moved to a new city about a year and a half ago and bought a house here. The schools in the area are somewhat average, and the best one by far is a Catholic school. Being Catholics ourselves, we thought we wouldn't have any issues.

Initially, we didn't attend church because I was heavily pregnant, and after that, I experienced postpartum depression, which made it difficult for me to feel comfortable leaving the house with my baby. However, my partner started going to the evening mass on Sundays instead of the morning one. We officially registered with the church when we moved here.

After about 6-7 months, I joined him at the evening mass. From the very beginning, we found it strange that the priest never greeted anyone. As soon as he finished his sermon, he would disappear. Everyone would leave, and there was no socializing whatsoever.

One day, we went to talk to him about baptizing our baby, but he told us that he didn't know us well enough and asked us to continue attending the mass. We found this odd but decided to keep going. A few months later, we asked again, and he gave us the same response. In fact, he didn't remember us and thought we wanted to register as new members.

That's when we started to worry. If the priest never greets anyone and leaves immediately after the sermon, how can he get to know anyone? We could attend mass for years, and he wouldn't even know our names.

We had to rearrange some personal commitments to attend the Sunday morning mass to see if things were different, but he still doesn't greet anyone. We persisted in asking about the baptism and were given the contact information of a church volunteer who organizes the baptism course. Unfortunately, our emails to this person have gone unanswered, and when we asked in person, they claimed not to have received them.

I am truly baffled by all of this. Why does the church ignore us in this manner? I am now worried about how we'll obtain the necessary paperwork to register our daughter at the Catholic school if they won't even baptize her.

There must be a reason behind all of this, but I honestly can't comprehend it. I have considered volunteering, but both my partner and I work full-time jobs, which makes it challenging.

If anyone has any insights or suggestions, please share them. We would greatly appreciate it.

Thank you.

That sounds very strange and frustrating!

Have you asked any other families at the parish what their experience has been?

They see disorganized. They're not deliberately excluding you.
Which doesn't help!

Are there other families attending Mass? Could you ask them if they’ve had similar problems?

Or are there any other Catholic Churches in your city that you could attend?
Does it have to be this specific church?

Contact the Bishop?

Do you think it's you specifically, or is it the same for everyone? Have you spoken to any other families to find out what their experience has been? Is there another Catholic Church nearby you can go to instead?

It all sounds very strange z can you make an appointment to talk to the priest? Could they have got the idea from somewhere that you're only going because you want the catholic school?

Are there other members of the congregation you can speak to? I don't attend a Catholic Church but the church I attends has other church members who 'meet and greet', serve coffee, chat to visitors etc. It does sound very odd though but perhaps the Priest has to rush off to another service, many Priests and Church ministers have to cover a number of churches.

I can't imagine it happening where I go to church ... visitors and new members are welcomed with open arms.

Is there another church you can go to? There is usually more than one ‘feeder’ church for a school. I’ve never known one refuse to accept church attendance just because it isn’t the closest geographical church.

Where do you live? Priests in Ireland don’t greet mass attendees after mass.

I don't know much about Catholicism but you don't say you are married. Are they bothered about that?

Don’t they? That’s interesting. Is there a particular reason?

No coffee after mass or anything like that either.

It’s just not a thing that’s done. No reason really, as far as I know.

Our priest doesn't stick around to chat after mass he just says mass and goes. However anything we need to book (christenings etc) we ring the parochial house and say we are members of the parish and want our child baptised. Then we meet with the priest. You can try this and see what their answer is but overall I don't think it's strange that the priest doesn't stick around to chat, in the 30+ years I'm at this parish none ever have!

You could also volunteer to help out at Sunday mass by enquiring at the parochial house and see what they say.

Perhaps he's on some kind of register, and interacting is forbidden.

Are you married, my ex in laws were Methodists bit said the local Catholic church was very strict and wouldn't accept people living out of wedlock etc

Id go to the next Catholic Church and also make it clear In writing what has happened (have you the mass bulletin with a contact email ?)

Are you married?

I suppose if he did he could be there all day

I suspect this might be it.

Again, maybe things are different in Ireland but many many babies whose parents are not married are christened in the Catholic Church. Despite what you might think, many priests take a laissez-faire attitude to church rules when it comes to getting people to attend mass, sign their kids up for it etc.

That is incredibly odd. Baptism course ? I had both my daughters baptised Catholic and never attended anything like it. We also don't go to church regularly at all. I don't think we went to church at all between getting the DD1 and DD2 baptised 😬

It seems a bit odd based on my arms length experience of our Catholic Church if you are a Catholic - I'm not but DH goes quite often and we got married there and had DS baptised there. The priest definitely knows who he is and also recognises me from the few interactions we have. That said, he (and the priests before him) have always been a bit strange with me and my family because we're not Catholics. My DM once complained about him to the Bishop because she felt he was very unwelcoming to them at a family service. The admin is also appalling. I make DH deal with all of it but they do seem bad at replying to emails etc.

What country are you in? Is there a church office to inquire about the baptism? I'm catholic and have never registered with a church and wouldn't know the priest but no problem with baptisms etc.