Our local Catholic church doesn't want us there. I can't understand why

[BlueMediterranean]

Hi everyone,

I wanted to share an issue my partner and I have been facing at our local Catholic church and get your thoughts on it. We moved to a new city about a year and a half ago and bought a house here. The schools in the area are somewhat average, and the best one by far is a Catholic school. Being Catholics ourselves, we thought we wouldn't have any issues.

Initially, we didn't attend church because I was heavily pregnant, and after that, I experienced postpartum depression, which made it difficult for me to feel comfortable leaving the house with my baby. However, my partner started going to the evening mass on Sundays instead of the morning one. We officially registered with the church when we moved here.

After about 6-7 months, I joined him at the evening mass. From the very beginning, we found it strange that the priest never greeted anyone. As soon as he finished his sermon, he would disappear. Everyone would leave, and there was no socializing whatsoever.

One day, we went to talk to him about baptizing our baby, but he told us that he didn't know us well enough and asked us to continue attending the mass. We found this odd but decided to keep going. A few months later, we asked again, and he gave us the same response. In fact, he didn't remember us and thought we wanted to register as new members.

That's when we started to worry. If the priest never greets anyone and leaves immediately after the sermon, how can he get to know anyone? We could attend mass for years, and he wouldn't even know our names.

We had to rearrange some personal commitments to attend the Sunday morning mass to see if things were different, but he still doesn't greet anyone. We persisted in asking about the baptism and were given the contact information of a church volunteer who organizes the baptism course. Unfortunately, our emails to this person have gone unanswered, and when we asked in person, they claimed not to have received them.

I am truly baffled by all of this. Why does the church ignore us in this manner? I am now worried about how we'll obtain the necessary paperwork to register our daughter at the Catholic school if they won't even baptize her.

There must be a reason behind all of this, but I honestly can't comprehend it. I have considered volunteering, but both my partner and I work full-time jobs, which makes it challenging.

If anyone has any insights or suggestions, please share them. We would greatly appreciate it.

Thank you.

Also need to add, churches often need to see regular attendance at church for 1 year or can be more. If there is a kids club they often require child to attend for a minimum amount of time. This all may seem overbearing, but when they can be inundated by new parents wanting forms signed you can see they have to do something.
apparently 25% of primary schools are religious and only a much smaller % of secondaries. Catholic schools are a smaller % of this and are often well sought after by parents and rival private schools.

Seems likely that most new couples attending only do so for the baptism/schools and they are trying to discourage this

Is there another Catholic church not far away that you could try? Near me there are a couple or three and all quite different in atmosphere and in their clergy's outlook.

I think it is bad that you are not made more welcome, frankly. A church should be inclusive and cater for all tastes.

Over the years, I have come across a few people who have felt obliged to leave a particular church congregation (not Catholic), and have felt hurt by the church but could never quite work out why and did not want to pry. I've also heard someone say that they breathed a sigh of relief when a family left their church which sounds awful but it was a quite reasonable and friendly person who said it.

All I can is, "Different strokes for different folks". It could be OK if you stick it out for a bit but only you can judge. I also think it should not matter which Mass you attend. I used to regularly go to a Saturday evening one, 'First Mass of the Sabbath', and nobody batted an eyelid. It was well attended.

Good luck, you seem sincere and that is what counts.

Oh yes, I get that and it's awful, however I didn't think the op was attending the church in order for her child to be admitted to the nearest Catholic school (& it doesn't automatically follow anyway, schools can only admit so many). I knew a couple with two children who went to a nearby Catholic primary, quite a good one actually but these parents, who went to church, were not all that happy with it. They moved to another house and had their children admitted to a local CofE school which was considered 'outstanding, then started going to the CofE - even became school governors! I kid you not and it took a long time for me to twig as they were previously so involved with the local Catholic church and primary school.

However, I did not know that a priest was allowed to refuse to baptise a child. On the contrary, the church is usually keen to bring children into the fold. I also didn't realise the op is not married. Of course you don't have to be married and it's normal for couples to live together and sometimes have a child or children without being married; however, most church goers do believe in marriage and the parish priest certainly will.

As the op only has a young baby she surely doesn't have to worry too much about schools just yet and, as I suggested earlier on, if she is not happy with her parish church she can surely find another not too far away. She did say that would mean another postcode but, honestly, would that matter as long as it isn't too far and if she liked the atmosphere of the church more? Lots of people go to churches in the next town or village for all sorts of reasons.