Our local Catholic church doesn't want us there. I can't understand why

[BlueMediterranean]

Hi everyone,

I wanted to share an issue my partner and I have been facing at our local Catholic church and get your thoughts on it. We moved to a new city about a year and a half ago and bought a house here. The schools in the area are somewhat average, and the best one by far is a Catholic school. Being Catholics ourselves, we thought we wouldn't have any issues.

Initially, we didn't attend church because I was heavily pregnant, and after that, I experienced postpartum depression, which made it difficult for me to feel comfortable leaving the house with my baby. However, my partner started going to the evening mass on Sundays instead of the morning one. We officially registered with the church when we moved here.

After about 6-7 months, I joined him at the evening mass. From the very beginning, we found it strange that the priest never greeted anyone. As soon as he finished his sermon, he would disappear. Everyone would leave, and there was no socializing whatsoever.

One day, we went to talk to him about baptizing our baby, but he told us that he didn't know us well enough and asked us to continue attending the mass. We found this odd but decided to keep going. A few months later, we asked again, and he gave us the same response. In fact, he didn't remember us and thought we wanted to register as new members.

That's when we started to worry. If the priest never greets anyone and leaves immediately after the sermon, how can he get to know anyone? We could attend mass for years, and he wouldn't even know our names.

We had to rearrange some personal commitments to attend the Sunday morning mass to see if things were different, but he still doesn't greet anyone. We persisted in asking about the baptism and were given the contact information of a church volunteer who organizes the baptism course. Unfortunately, our emails to this person have gone unanswered, and when we asked in person, they claimed not to have received them.

I am truly baffled by all of this. Why does the church ignore us in this manner? I am now worried about how we'll obtain the necessary paperwork to register our daughter at the Catholic school if they won't even baptize her.

There must be a reason behind all of this, but I honestly can't comprehend it. I have considered volunteering, but both my partner and I work full-time jobs, which makes it challenging.

If anyone has any insights or suggestions, please share them. We would greatly appreciate it.

Thank you.

It's not 'the church' but this particular priest. I'd go above his head and say to whomever that is what you have done and that you have had no encouragement to have your child christened.
Sermons are but one thing of a priest's duties - he should be out in the community. You've gone as far as you can with this man. Seek a higher power 😉.

We know very few people in our new city, and they are not Catholics.

When the mass ends, everyone leaves. This might sound a bit arrogant, but I have the most beautiful baby in the world, and no one stops to smile or make any comments, something that happens a lot when we're out in the street. It's as if we don't exist.

There is another church we could go to, but it's quite far away, and we don't know if there would be a problem with a different postcode. I feel like it's unfair, and we have to start from scratch.

'Partner'... not married - maybe that's the issue?

I’m surprised so many of you think it’s odd or can’t think why. OP refers to ‘partner’ rather than ‘husband’.

Yes, some Catholic priests may be more progressive in their attitudes. My local one accepts same sex couples and baptises their babies. But when it comes to baptisms and weddings etc the teachings of the church are what rules. Living together before marriage, children out of wedlock… some would take a very dim view of this in the Catholic Church, even today.

Some priests lead a double life. One I came across was having it away with his housekeeper and he moved her and her daughter into the presbytery and he paid for holidays and things from church funds.

We persisted in asking about the baptism and were given the contact information of a church volunteer who organizes the baptism course. Unfortunately, our emails to this person have gone unanswered, and when we asked in person, they claimed not to have received them.
then what? Surely you arranged it with them at that point? And the church volunteers will know you now after weekly attendance for months, so they can confirm with the priest that you are regular attenders. Chase up the volunteer who deals with baptisms to out you on the course.

if still no joy, contact the bishops office.

That’s bizarre.

I’m Catholic and have never heard of the priest socialising after Mass, but the way they seem to be hinting you away is weird - when we turned up to baptise our babies - one in my (Catholic) home country and the next one here, both churches fell over themselves to get us in the door! And neither mentioned a course - I’d be bloody offended if they had. The cheek!

Do you think the parish has an ongoing issue with people pretending to be Catholic to get into the school? That’s the only thing I can think of. I think you have to be firm. They have absolutely no business refusing to baptise your child.

You say “my partner”. Firstly, are you a heterosexual couple? Secondly, are you not married and do they know that? Is it possible they are being close minded and judgmental?

Start from scratch made me laugh.

op, buy cheap wedding rings and try again.

Op does the priest know you're unmarried? I'm Catholic and have just joined a new church. My son goes with me but not my husband as he's Buddhist. From the start we had problems with the other attendees ignoring us but I now think they're hostile towards me because they think I'm unmarried, hmm.

This might sound a bit arrogant, but I have the most beautiful baby in the world, and no one stops to smile or make any comments

😬

I was raised as a Catholic. When mass was over our priest left the altar and we went home. No chatting or shaking hands

I’m in the US. I think the Baptism class is normal. When I was working to get my Goddaughter baptized it was an hour or 2 class with other couples and a Deacon.

As far as the priest leaving directly after mass that sounds pretty typical. From my experience mass is more or less business like and fellowship comes in different forms throughout the week.

I think the OP’s situation is twofold… if she’s looking to get her kids in the school then she’s going to have to go along with it. If she’s looking for a different community then maybe another parish would be better.

This might sound a bit arrogant, but I have the most beautiful baby in the world, and no one stops to smile or make any comments, something that happens a lot when we're out in the street. It's as if we don't exist.

Starting to think it’s more of a you problem than a them problem.

So your main problem actually isn’t with the priest but with the congregation who aren’t fawning over your baby after mass?

Whaaaaat?!

The issue is the priest not you. Try a different parish.

How does anyone ever get to know the rest of the congregation or the priest if everyone just leaves after Mass? Coffee and biscuits afterwards is a totally standard part of Anglican Mass or other morning service. It's a big part of welcoming everyone whether newcomers or old hands and the priest is always there. It would be really weird for him not to be.

I had no idea it was so different for Catholics.

Grand quick Mass 😂

I forgot to mention that when the priest talked to us about the baptism course, he told us that we have to study a lot and gave us a book.

He mentioned that even though we were Catholics, if we were out of practice, we wouldn't be able to answer his questions. I was blown away; I've been studying all week because I think he's going to purposely ask difficult questions to prevent the baptism.

Are you sure it's a Catholic Church ? No priest leaves after the sermon, that would be half way through Mass.
Normal in big churches not to meet and greet, too many people.
Attend a few more times and ask for baptism again or talk to other families with kids and see what the process is.

The baptism course could be like what my local priest does which is get the parents in for an hour or two to discuss what the baptism means and how the ceremony will run.

You are unmarried? That’s it then. You had a baby before committing to each other. What did you think would happen?

Also, most parents get stopped in the street with their babies. Not because they have “the most beautiful baby in the world” but because people like newborn babies, whatever they look like.

Bless you 😂

As you have referred to partner rather than DH, this is very likely to be the problem.

😅 well, sounded funny in my head. What I was trying to say is the people around us didn't even look at us

Our priest does do the 'thank you for the mass Father' thing after mass but no further socialising. Our daughter has just made her first communion and the admin and communication has been all over the place, so it might just be they are disorganised. I think you might have to try again and be more assertive.