Our local Catholic church doesn't want us there. I can't understand why

[BlueMediterranean]

Hi everyone,

I wanted to share an issue my partner and I have been facing at our local Catholic church and get your thoughts on it. We moved to a new city about a year and a half ago and bought a house here. The schools in the area are somewhat average, and the best one by far is a Catholic school. Being Catholics ourselves, we thought we wouldn't have any issues.

Initially, we didn't attend church because I was heavily pregnant, and after that, I experienced postpartum depression, which made it difficult for me to feel comfortable leaving the house with my baby. However, my partner started going to the evening mass on Sundays instead of the morning one. We officially registered with the church when we moved here.

After about 6-7 months, I joined him at the evening mass. From the very beginning, we found it strange that the priest never greeted anyone. As soon as he finished his sermon, he would disappear. Everyone would leave, and there was no socializing whatsoever.

One day, we went to talk to him about baptizing our baby, but he told us that he didn't know us well enough and asked us to continue attending the mass. We found this odd but decided to keep going. A few months later, we asked again, and he gave us the same response. In fact, he didn't remember us and thought we wanted to register as new members.

That's when we started to worry. If the priest never greets anyone and leaves immediately after the sermon, how can he get to know anyone? We could attend mass for years, and he wouldn't even know our names.

We had to rearrange some personal commitments to attend the Sunday morning mass to see if things were different, but he still doesn't greet anyone. We persisted in asking about the baptism and were given the contact information of a church volunteer who organizes the baptism course. Unfortunately, our emails to this person have gone unanswered, and when we asked in person, they claimed not to have received them.

I am truly baffled by all of this. Why does the church ignore us in this manner? I am now worried about how we'll obtain the necessary paperwork to register our daughter at the Catholic school if they won't even baptize her.

There must be a reason behind all of this, but I honestly can't comprehend it. I have considered volunteering, but both my partner and I work full-time jobs, which makes it challenging.

If anyone has any insights or suggestions, please share them. We would greatly appreciate it.

Thank you.

😂

Switch to C of E OP, there's coffee, cake and LOTS of fussing over babies

And yes there definitely is such a thing as baptism courses! My parish is brilliant and they are definitely a thing here.

I'd change church

Maybe they're concentrating on the service.

We had a proper palaver with the Priest when we wanted our dc baptised. We had just moved and first of all they said we couldn’t attend the Baptism course until we’d been attending Mass for 3 months, no exceptions. We had been attending Mass regularly in our old church.

So after 3 months, we were told we had to attend Baptism prep on three consecutive Saturdays, along with the Godparents. The Godparents lived 300 miles away. And also we couldn’t take our dc with us. We knew nobody who could look after them.

So we decided to have our dc baptised back home. Only the Priest needed permission from the Parish we were living in. And they wouldn’t give it!!

This went on for almost a year and had to be resolved by the Bishop.

When our next DC was born we had them baptised Anglican. We are married, both Catholic, so it wasn’t that.

Some churches are just not nice

They think you're just there for the school place.

This with knobs on. I speak as someone with experience of both (but opted for the Free Church)

Especially as the priest isn't even finishing Mass!

OP your post suggests that the reason that you are going to church is primarily about the school.

If the priest and parishioners are getting the same impression then that may be why you feel shunned as they are probably used to people suddenly getting their catholicism on for a school place and then disappearing after.

The not socialising bit I can't explain but is it possible that they feel you're not 'really' Catholics and are just looking to get into the best school? Maybe it's passove aggressive black balling!

Isn’t it catholics who then people away 3 times?

or did I just make that up? From thin air? (Which wouldn’t surprise me)

But that might not get OPs child into the school she wants?

Which is what’s driven this!

We did a similar thing with the C of E church 40 years ago.

For info if you are UK, the priest doesn't allocate the school places the local authority does. Both my children go to Catholic schools.
You put the school down as your first choice and the fact that you have a Catholic church baptised child will put them in a higher choice position (but Catholic schools also accept non Catholics).
Most Catholic churches now have websites with the parish secretary details on, email them direct. If no response take it up with the Bishop's office. You should not be given the run around to get your child baptised.
The Priest at our Church stands at the door after mass and says goodbye to people as they leave.

As for other parishioners not paying attention to you that is normal until you get some common links. When I first moved to the area I didn't know anyone, having children at the school is what changed all that (I only had to wait 7 years). Is there any church groups you can join?

he probably means the questions he will ask you during the baptism itself. look up the catholic rite of baptism online.

Time to contact Himself.

I think that’s Judaism if someone wants to convert

What do you mean?

Wow that's awful

Are you sure there's a waiting list for the school? The two Catholic schools near us are massively undersubscribed, even though they are decent schools according to users, so you might be able to get in anyway.

It all sounds irritating and unusual, most churches make sure to greet newcomers. I think a different church might be better.

I guess God doesn't want your baby to go to the Catholic school @BlueMediterranean . A bit odd but then he does move in mysterious ways.

Why do people think the priest would know whether OP is married or not? That can't be the explanation unless OP is wearing some kind of a 'not married' label.

OP, he sounds to me like a pretty rubbish priest, and maybe he suffers from some kind of social anxiety. The whole thing sounds very disorganised, since you've had no replies to your emails either.

I read this and thank goodness that I'm not at all religious (having been brought up Catholic).

Quite. What a part-timer!

I grew up in a very Catholic part of Germany and I have never seen a priest hang about after church, even when all the parishes still had a priest, now he's probably off to do another mass somewhere else straight afterwards since there are barely any priests around anymore.