Our local Catholic church doesn't want us there. I can't understand why

[BlueMediterranean]

Hi everyone,

I wanted to share an issue my partner and I have been facing at our local Catholic church and get your thoughts on it. We moved to a new city about a year and a half ago and bought a house here. The schools in the area are somewhat average, and the best one by far is a Catholic school. Being Catholics ourselves, we thought we wouldn't have any issues.

Initially, we didn't attend church because I was heavily pregnant, and after that, I experienced postpartum depression, which made it difficult for me to feel comfortable leaving the house with my baby. However, my partner started going to the evening mass on Sundays instead of the morning one. We officially registered with the church when we moved here.

After about 6-7 months, I joined him at the evening mass. From the very beginning, we found it strange that the priest never greeted anyone. As soon as he finished his sermon, he would disappear. Everyone would leave, and there was no socializing whatsoever.

One day, we went to talk to him about baptizing our baby, but he told us that he didn't know us well enough and asked us to continue attending the mass. We found this odd but decided to keep going. A few months later, we asked again, and he gave us the same response. In fact, he didn't remember us and thought we wanted to register as new members.

That's when we started to worry. If the priest never greets anyone and leaves immediately after the sermon, how can he get to know anyone? We could attend mass for years, and he wouldn't even know our names.

We had to rearrange some personal commitments to attend the Sunday morning mass to see if things were different, but he still doesn't greet anyone. We persisted in asking about the baptism and were given the contact information of a church volunteer who organizes the baptism course. Unfortunately, our emails to this person have gone unanswered, and when we asked in person, they claimed not to have received them.

I am truly baffled by all of this. Why does the church ignore us in this manner? I am now worried about how we'll obtain the necessary paperwork to register our daughter at the Catholic school if they won't even baptize her.

There must be a reason behind all of this, but I honestly can't comprehend it. I have considered volunteering, but both my partner and I work full-time jobs, which makes it challenging.

If anyone has any insights or suggestions, please share them. We would greatly appreciate it.

Thank you.

this is all very strange.
i'm
a practicing catholic in london.
there's nothing against non married couples at all. i know lots of single parents who are in the school.

the priest cannot leave "after the sermon" because he has to finish the mass.
the parish office deals with all the arrangements for baptisms .

Are you married @BlueMediterranean ?

I'd say it was disorderly rather than personal snub ,
I'd write to the priest. Politely saying pretty much what you have said here , if you get no luck then change church or write higher up

No, we are not married and they can know this because it was a question in the registration form. But why they didn't't ask us directly if it's such a problem?

It’s cos you’re not married!!!!

YANBU OP, we haven't had our second child baptized Catholic for exactly the same reason. They didn't seem to recognize us or acknowledge us in any way, the priest just goes at the end, there's no way to actually get to know anyone and no one is friendly at all. We tried the next nearest church, a 20 min drive away, and that was really unfriendly too and the priest barely spoke any English. In the end we've stopped going to church and I've enrolled the kids in the local outstanding secular school. If my own religion doesn't want my family then I can't honestly be bothered chasing them.

I think the congregation are there to worship God, rather than your baby.

They have asked you directly. On the form. That’s why they ask on the form. They don’t want to speak to you about it because it’s awkward.

This 👆🏻 or contact the diocese.

Weird. I'd make an appointment with the Bishop and get angry. It's not because you're not married.

I was brought up a catholic, attended catholic schools and went to mass regularly. I still had to attend classes for 6 weeks before we were allowed to book a date. At that time, shock horror, I wasn’t married and it didn’t affect anything at all.

I’ve never known the priest greet parishioners.

OP, every mother has the most beautiful baby in the world 🤣

You say partner. Are you a) unmarried and/or b) same sex relationship? If so to either, that's likely to be problematic at many Catholic churches...

Sounds very odd.
Those saying the priests don't hang around, so they not process out during the final hymn and then shake hands or say hello to the congregation as they leave the church?
I've never been to a mass where they don't do this.... the kids are always asking to leave before the hymn finishes buts it's not the down think to leave before the priests. 😆

*done

The priest may be in charge of several churches. If he has to celebrate Mass at another church in half an hour, he won't have time to stop and chat with his parishioners.

Sorry @BlueMediterranean cross posted. In my experience, sadly, that will be the problem.

*thing sorry seem to have lost my ability to type

Mine did when I lived in Ireland. And so did my old Irish priest here in the UK.

How do you register with a church?!

Unmarried couple

Google has given me some examples where a priest has said that if the parents did not have strong enough faith to want to be married in the church then they can refuse on grounds that they don't believe the child will be raised in the Catholic faith.

So yep, in other words, they can fob you off assuming you just want in to the school.

Don't think people 'register ' as Catholics at least not in Ireland. Don't recall doing so in England either actually.

Several unmarried couples seem to attend our local church. Are you in Germany? I know people register with different churches there.

Our priest says goodbye and chit chat with folk as they leave
Also lots of old dears will coo over a baby and we have tea and buscuits e every other week , I'd say this church is not for you

Every other mother on here has the most beautiful baby in the world 🤣

If you aren't married then they probably don't believe you are actually Catholic and think you are just after the school place.