To think my niece should have apologised for accidentally hurting my baby

[Toasterfries]

At a family gathering today my 8 year old niece was holding DD (7 months) sat on the ground. Her Mum was sat next to her and her Dad just behind them on a chair. My niece had been doing a good job holding DD but suddenly her concentration slipped and she turned one direction whilst DD went the other and she dropped her so DD landed face first on the ground.
I appreciate completely that this was an accident and my niece did not mean to, her Mum was just looking the other way for that split second and I was just out of reach too so in the moment there was nothing we could do and it just happened. DD cried and needed a lot of comforting from me and a breastfeed but within 5-10 minutes was happy as anything again so she wasn't injured. Accidents happen, I get that.

My annoyance though is that immediately as it happened, my niece just said 'that was an accident' to her parents who said 'we know, it's okay' and she got up and left without so much as looking at my DD and they didn't say anything further to her or me or even DD.
AIBU to think that in this instance, my niece should be being taught to apologise and think about how that can be avoided again in future? She didn't need telling off but some discussion surely about why it's so important to be so careful when she's holding a baby and to come and check on DD to make sure she's okay.

I won't be letting her hold DD again I don't think because I just don't see how she's going to learn from this situation.

No she's 8. It isn't her responsibly to watch a child. Would be nice if parents apologised but it isn't something I would get worked up about

I agree they should have explained to her that she should apologise but she’s 8, it was an accident. I wouIdnt stop her holding the child again, next time you just supervise and sit with them to prevent an accident.

She's your niece so you as her aunt should have just asked her to say sorry. Simple

Babys aren't dolls I never let kids hold my baby even when ds was 8 years old. I think you need to take some accountability, it was an accident shes a kid likely worried and scared you were furious.

Your baby is fine. Move on!

Totally unreasonable of you

She's 8. She's has no clue which is why you don't let her hold a baby

You're being really petty not to let her hold your baby again. I doubt she'd do it again and you absolutely know that.

I think you're being dramatic about the whole thing. She probably should have said sorry, but 8 you should take that up with her parents.

Is this your first baby?

You'll be pretty embarrassed about this one day.
Just let it go.

Sure, she could have said sorry, but she's 8, who would she be apologising to? The baby? Logically, right? But even an 8 year old knows a baby wouldn't understand that. You? As 'owner' of baby? A harder grasp for an 8 year old. Anyway, you should have been watching her more carefully.
Did you put her mind at rest that you were not cross at least?

She’s 8. She will feel embarrassment and shame (hence the immediate reflex “that was an accident” comment) and walked off because those feelings are very uncomfortable (think about it - as an adult, shame is the worst feeling there is, isn’t it?) and she doesn’t have the skills, as an 8 year old, to know how to react.

Ultimately your baby was fine. Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill.

Ah she was probably worried she was about to get majorly told off tbh. Think I’d run away at 8 if I’d just dropped a baby on her face even by accident as you know you have to be careful with them as that’s heavily drummed in.

Thankfully baby is ok, her parents and you tbh are the ones who are at fault because she’s 8 a quick cuddle with eyes on and hands split seconds away with babies not long holds where people will naturally start to not be paying so much attention.

Agreed get over it

I think you need to get a grip. You're still in the baby stage where older kids seem massive and a lot 'older' than they actually are. It was your responsibility,or her parents to supervise appropriately. You didn't, so it's on you, not her.

No she was probably terrified she was going to get told off big time. Cut her some slack.

You'll be embarrassed at this reaction once your baby is that age!

She's your niece so why didn't you just say, I know you didn't mean to do that but you have to be really careful when holding the baby and then show her how.

I'm sure she feels terrible, at that age they can just be scared of getting told off so try to forget about it. Don't ban her from holding the baby, that is harsh.

Wow the problems some people have . She is 8 , kindly get over it or your life is going to be a long hard slog.

her knee jerk ‘That was an accident’ - means - I know this is wrong and I feel really bad, I would never hurt the baby on purpose and don’t want you to get cross at me

YABU massively, your baby is fine

Come back to this when your DD is eight and you will realise how ridiculous you are being.

Yanbu, she's only 8. You can't make an 8 year old responsible for the safety of a baby. She has probably never held one and does not understand they way they move or the support they need. You are blaming her for your own error of judgement.

It's rife in kids nowadays.

"Don't touch that" or "put that down please it's delicate"

<touches or doesn't put down>

<object gets damaged>

"It was an accident".

Drives me nuts.

I always say just because something was unintentional doesn't mean it didn't hurt or upset someone and an apology shows you are a good person who cares about others.

If they've done it touching something they were told not to I say "breaking it was an accident. Touching it wasn't because you heard and understood what I said about that"

Sorry I meant yabu!

Ah a PFB in action

Babies face plant, it’s normal development for them when learning to sit and be aware of their surroundings.

It was an accident, baby wasn’t hurt, get over it

Literally not the same situation at all

It was an accident, not an on purpose.
You are OTT

You be got several opposing views already. I think she may have well been shocked or worried about being told off. I would have told her she needed to be more careful as her aunt but tbh I wouldn't let an 8 year old hold any of my babies that young. I did have issues with my 7 year old nephew wanting to hold my baby as he had a baby sister only a few weeks younger. I said no when he asked in front of his parents and explained that it was up to his mum and dad as to whether he could hold his sister but up to me when it came to my baby. He got moody but kids do and frankly my baby's safety was more important. I was fine with him sitting next to me with her in his lap but not walking around.

My point is you are the parent and can establish boundaries around your own child. Your baby will soon be on the move and quite likely not want to be held then anyway. I would also never leave it up to other people to supervise your niece holding the baby, you or your partner should be the ones to do it. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it since ypu didn't respond at the time but you should be clear about what the boundaries are.

She shouldn't have to apologise because at age 8 she would have no concept of how to hold or care for a child and was not responsible for her safety. That was up to you and the other adults around her.