To think my niece should have apologised for accidentally hurting my baby

[Toasterfries]

At a family gathering today my 8 year old niece was holding DD (7 months) sat on the ground. Her Mum was sat next to her and her Dad just behind them on a chair. My niece had been doing a good job holding DD but suddenly her concentration slipped and she turned one direction whilst DD went the other and she dropped her so DD landed face first on the ground.
I appreciate completely that this was an accident and my niece did not mean to, her Mum was just looking the other way for that split second and I was just out of reach too so in the moment there was nothing we could do and it just happened. DD cried and needed a lot of comforting from me and a breastfeed but within 5-10 minutes was happy as anything again so she wasn't injured. Accidents happen, I get that.

My annoyance though is that immediately as it happened, my niece just said 'that was an accident' to her parents who said 'we know, it's okay' and she got up and left without so much as looking at my DD and they didn't say anything further to her or me or even DD.
AIBU to think that in this instance, my niece should be being taught to apologise and think about how that can be avoided again in future? She didn't need telling off but some discussion surely about why it's so important to be so careful when she's holding a baby and to come and check on DD to make sure she's okay.

I won't be letting her hold DD again I don't think because I just don't see how she's going to learn from this situation.

her Mum was just looking the other way for that split second and I was just out of reach too

It’s the adults who are responsible here.

I have a 7 year old. If someone gave her a baby to hold I would expect them to have made sure that she was on a sofa and with a cushion under her arm to support the arm that has the baby’s head in it as well as being very close by. It is totally on the adults to ensure the safety of the baby and not the child. I don’t think dn needs to learn from this experience, but supervising adults such as you and sil definitely do.

FFS.

You apologise when you do something wrong. The CHILD was handed a baby and the baby slipped and fell. YOU were out of reach. Her mum looking away for a split second is of no consequence. The poor kid was probably mortified hence her trying to explain "it was an accident". IT WAS A BLOOODY ACCIDENT. What has she to be sorry for?? She didn't do anything wrong. YOU should have been checking on HER to make sure SHE was ok because she probably upset that it happened. She is only 8 and too young to be holding a baby without supervision so the only one who was in the wrong was you.

It was in response to the poster saying OP is punishing the 8yo by not letting her hold her again.

I know.

If she had apologised you would have found another reason to be upset with her. Everyone else including baby is over this by now. So should you.

My 8yo has four younger siblings and is totally competent with babies and I don’t even know that I’d “make” her apologize (to who? The baby? You?) in this situation because first of all she’d feel more than badly enough on her own, plus it was an accident and a 7mo toppling over on the ground is hardly anything out of the ordinary.

👍

They may well have had a conversation with her about it privately.

The poor child was probably shocked, embarrassed and terrified of what she had accidentally done and thought you would get in a strop (you did) think badly of her (you did) or that she would be in trouble (thankfully her parents reassured her). I really feel sorry for her. She obviously loves her little cousin and wouldn't deliberately hurt her!

Your niece will have felt privileged and grown-up to be allowed to hold baby. Likely dreaming of the day she's asked to babysit when she's older and she will have had a big shock and feel shame at what happened.
She wants to forget it ever happened and wants you to forget too.
She's not going to fuss and draw attention to the incident and her parents will understand this and very likely have a word with her when they get home.

@Lacucuracha 😂😂 How very bossy 😂 In that case, why did 'OP' allow an 8 year old to hold her daughter in the first place?! Perhaps you should ask yourself that 😆

Get over it.

while in paces bonkers the compassion shown on this thread to the eight year old is lovely 🥰.

let’s hope she feels the warmth

What should she feel sorry for, OP? If she were to word an apology, what is she apologising for?

You know thinking about myself in this situation, if I, as an adult, were sitting on the floor holding a baby and the baby fell out of my arms because babies are wiggly I don't know that I would have necessarily apologized. I would pick the baby up and comfort it and I might have even just told the baby I was sorry, but I certainly wouldn't have thought that I needed to apologize to the mother. Especially if the baby was not really hurt. But I have three kids and I know that these things happen.

No, I don't necessarily think a full blown apology was needed in front of numerous relatives. I think you're wrong to believe that she just wandered off and went on her merry way without a thought for her cousin. I dare say it gave her a fright and she was too immature to deal with it. I'm sure her parents took note and saw that your daughter was OK. Your niece isn't a baby but she's young enough to feel very pressured in front of a group of adults.
Unless she has a history of being mean I'd let it go.

@Justalittlebitduckling

It’s the adults who are responsible here

Exactly, and they should be apologising, if anyone.🙄

This 100%. The fact she automatically said ‘it was an accident’ and then walked off reinforces this.

Honestly if you’re searching for an apology from an 8 year old this long after this incident, give yourself a word

@Toasterfries my 8 year old would've been really upset to have dropped the baby. She probably would have cried herself tbh. I definitely would be apologising for her and checking the baby was okay. Anyone that says otherwise is just being contrary for the sake of it.
Glad your little one is fine now 😊

It was an accident, she is a child, you allowed her hold her? Move on

YADNBU X

Eh? I just repeated what you said to OP. Were you being bossy to OP then too?

I strongly disagree with this. Just because my DD is a baby doesn't make her any less worthy of the same consideration as any other human being (regardless of this thread, I'm talking generally). If someone is worthy of an apology, why should a baby not be included in that just because they don't understand. Isn't the whole point of talking to babies and interacting with them about getting them familiar with the language they will be speaking their entire lives. By this logic why would you ever bother saying anything to them? Don't say good morning, they don't understand. Don't say I love you, they don't understand. Don't say you're sorry, they don't understand.

@Tygertiger is right: you're totally misreading her response of shame and guilt. Her parents were right to tread lightly when she was feeling that way.

If you let DN hold the baby again it should be with a cushion under her arm and helped to get it right probably with you right there to help. I actually think it would be great to do that if you can, as it will help her to have positive rather than negative feelings about the baby.