I spent the petrol money on food

WellNoprawnsleftthen · 2023-06-11T10:41:20+00:00

So now I’m the wicked stepmother SD’s are 13 and 15. Here EOW. This weekend the plan was dh taking them out yesterday then eating out. Today DH was taking them early for an activity they wanted to do and this afternoon a family bbq. Yesterday morning I did the food shop for the bbq. Got up this morning to find they had eaten about 75% of the food , were talking a massive box of strawberries, big pack of mango and pineapple , pack of meringues and ice cream. Crisps, Prawns, sausage rolls, half of a pasta salad, cheeses, deli meats and cooked the bread and had that. After having a meal out ? Apparently they were hungry. We’re on a tight budget so I have used the money set aside today for petrol mostly (plus some for drinks snacks etc) and replaced it all. I’ve now gone out in the car for a coffee and to get away and will go back soon just before my family get there. Im now the evil stepmother. I told DH get an Uber and use your own money if you still want to go out as I’m furious he didn’t back me up at all just said ‘well they are teenagers ! But I had SAID to everyone what fod was for today and there were other snacks available (full fruit bowl, yogurts, cereal bars etc)

NoSquirrels · 11/06/2023 11:52

Natural consequences, fair enough, I say.

If you hadn’t invited guests, then the consequences of them scoffing all the BBQ food would be not having the BBQ.

But as you’d invited guests and need to feed them, then you have to spend the money again.

Of course absolutely no reason why your DH can’t deal with it himself if he still wants to take them out, and if he was the arse who said it was OK to eat that stuff.

Food shopping is extortionate at the moment, as is hosting.

Summerishereagain · 11/06/2023 11:53

Did they have lunch out and then eat that for dinner or did they have dinner out and then eat that as an evening snack?

Perthsmurf · 11/06/2023 11:53

That’s annoying, I see that, but I think you could have handled this better. Teenagers do eat a lot!

I can’t understand why you didn’t speak to DH before buying the food again. A more obvious response would be to say “okay, but now we only have enough money for fuel or for food. What do you want to do?”

The money side I’m not quite understanding. How is it that your DH could afford an Uber but not fuel? And the bbq food sounds quite expensive too- couldn’t you have cut back on that a bit if money was so tight?

In the grand scheme of things, and I do have experience with my own DSCs, it’s really important to pick your battles with both your DH and DSCs. There will be bigger issues down the line and you need to think now about how you raise future concerns and annoyance over the DSC with your DH. This wasn’t a battle to pick, in my opinion.

rightioly · 11/06/2023 11:55

Seems absolutely fair enough.

Original poster

WellNoprawnsleftthen · 11/06/2023 11:55

Summerishereagain · 11/06/2023 11:53

Did they have lunch out and then eat that for dinner or did they have dinner out and then eat that as an evening snack?

It was apparently an evening snack ……

DH had taken them out to eat for dinner

OP posts:

rightioly · 11/06/2023 11:55

For my DSC I have a shelf in the fridge and a box in the cupboard that is free for all snacking. Anything else they have to ask.

Original poster

WellNoprawnsleftthen · 11/06/2023 11:57

Perthsmurf · 11/06/2023 11:53

That’s annoying, I see that, but I think you could have handled this better. Teenagers do eat a lot!

I can’t understand why you didn’t speak to DH before buying the food again. A more obvious response would be to say “okay, but now we only have enough money for fuel or for food. What do you want to do?”

The money side I’m not quite understanding. How is it that your DH could afford an Uber but not fuel? And the bbq food sounds quite expensive too- couldn’t you have cut back on that a bit if money was so tight?

In the grand scheme of things, and I do have experience with my own DSCs, it’s really important to pick your battles with both your DH and DSCs. There will be bigger issues down the line and you need to think now about how you raise future concerns and annoyance over the DSC with your DH. This wasn’t a battle to pick, in my opinion.

We have the one car so I took it to do the food shopping and used the money set aside for petrol and additional costs to buy the food then I went for a coffee so I was out at the time they needed to leave. He had the car yesterday he was meant to have it all weekend but there was no way I was walking to the shops!!!
We have a joint account for household stuff and a budget so I told him to use his own money if he insisted they were still
going but I wasn’t facilitating it

OP posts:

NoSquirrels · 11/06/2023 11:57

WellNoprawnsleftthen · 11/06/2023 11:55

It was apparently an evening snack ……

DH had taken them out to eat for dinner

Show quote history

What did he feed them when they were out? I wonder if he didn’t do a proper meal…

Original poster

WellNoprawnsleftthen · 11/06/2023 11:58

I did speak to him ! He just shrugged it off as teenagers eating a lot and offered no solution so I just said I was going to go and do a replacement shop and he needed to make alternative arrangements if they were still going out

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NoSquirrels · 11/06/2023 11:59

Sounds a lot like a DH problem, tbh. Is he usually a bit selfish/oblivious and does he understand there’s not unlimited cash?

Original poster

WellNoprawnsleftthen · 11/06/2023 12:00

NoSquirrels · 11/06/2023 11:57

What did he feed them when they were out? I wonder if he didn’t do a proper meal…

Show quote history

They went to Nandos I don’t know exactly what they had though.

There were snacks here it just seems like they saw the nice stuff and helped themselves even though I had said what I’d got for todays bbq. They literally only left the meat and fish and burger buns

OP posts:

Original poster

WellNoprawnsleftthen · 11/06/2023 12:00

NoSquirrels · 11/06/2023 11:59

Sounds a lot like a DH problem, tbh. Is he usually a bit selfish/oblivious and does he understand there’s not unlimited cash?

Well he’s going to learn a lesson from this today that’s for sure

OP posts:

rightioly · 11/06/2023 12:04

I'd be asking the sc to pay for it if they are old enough and you clearly told them not to eat it. So selfish.

rightioly · 11/06/2023 12:05

Or just have the bbq and say sorry there's not much I bought prawns, meat etc etc but the sdc decided to eat it so there's not much left.

DanceMonster · 11/06/2023 12:06

YANBU. But really, with money so tight that you can’t find any extra for more petrol, should you really be doing meals/activities out plus hosting bbqs with expensive food? I’d suggest building up some reserves.

Codlingmoths · 11/06/2023 12:09

DanceMonster · 11/06/2023 12:06

YANBU. But really, with money so tight that you can’t find any extra for more petrol, should you really be doing meals/activities out plus hosting bbqs with expensive food? I’d suggest building up some reserves.

I wouldn’t want to use my reserves in this scenario. Dh will have to use his to Uber there which seems fair doesn’t it?

Indigodreaming · 11/06/2023 12:13

Perthsmurf · 11/06/2023 11:53

That’s annoying, I see that, but I think you could have handled this better. Teenagers do eat a lot!

I can’t understand why you didn’t speak to DH before buying the food again. A more obvious response would be to say “okay, but now we only have enough money for fuel or for food. What do you want to do?”

The money side I’m not quite understanding. How is it that your DH could afford an Uber but not fuel? And the bbq food sounds quite expensive too- couldn’t you have cut back on that a bit if money was so tight?

In the grand scheme of things, and I do have experience with my own DSCs, it’s really important to pick your battles with both your DH and DSCs. There will be bigger issues down the line and you need to think now about how you raise future concerns and annoyance over the DSC with your DH. This wasn’t a battle to pick, in my opinion.

I can’t understand why you didn’t speak to DH before buying the food again. A more obvious response would be to say “okay, but now we only have enough money for fuel or for food. What do you want to do?”

OP has guests coming for the BBQ, so needed to get the food

DanceMonster · 11/06/2023 12:14

Codlingmoths · 11/06/2023 12:09

I wouldn’t want to use my reserves in this scenario. Dh will have to use his to Uber there which seems fair doesn’t it?

Show quote history

I just meant it sounds like money is tight for the family in general, but they’re spending quite a lot of money on discretionary stuff. Not that the OP herself should be picking up the slack.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 11/06/2023 12:14

Did he know they were going to eat it before they ate it, or did he find out after?

I think you were entirely fair. As if they still expected to have fun and leave you at home, not even having a bbq to look forward to!

Singleandproud · 11/06/2023 12:22

Why did you go and replace the food? You should have sent DH and the SC and told them to buy everything they had eaten.

LakeTiticaca · 11/06/2023 12:24

Whya re you having to pay for HIS children's food ? Isn't that his job.?

HunterHearstHelmsley · 11/06/2023 12:26

Indigodreaming · 11/06/2023 12:13

I can’t understand why you didn’t speak to DH before buying the food again. A more obvious response would be to say “okay, but now we only have enough money for fuel or for food. What do you want to do?”

OP has guests coming for the BBQ, so needed to get the food

Show quote history

I agree. If OP had asked her husband's opinion and he'd chosen fuel, then what? She doesn't feed the guests, or cancels the bbq?

WateryDoom · 11/06/2023 12:31

Good for you.

They are selfish teenagers, but can now learn that money doesn't grow on trees. They went out to Nandos yesterday - then ate today's BBQ food.

Therefore you've had to replace it. There is - thanks to them - now no money to put petrol in the car to take them out to an activity.

That's the way life works, kids.

Imawomangetmeoutofhere · 11/06/2023 12:32

I can’t believe anyone is saying you are being unreasonable. They were took out yesterday and had money spent on a meal out and then came home and done that. You spending money planned for them today to replace it is the least they should expect. Did you even get an apology? Teenagers eat a lot? Seriously that’s his response? Yes teenagers eat a lot, but most have the manners and decency to know what’s up for eating and what’s not. They knew you had bought that for your family bbq and didn’t care less. They wanted it, they took it. If that’s how he wants to raise his kids that’s his issue, but I wouldn’t be dealing with the fallout from it. You have a dh problem.

Original poster

WellNoprawnsleftthen · 11/06/2023 12:32

Singleandproud · 11/06/2023 12:22

Why did you go and replace the food? You should have sent DH and the SC and told them to buy everything they had eaten.

He would have driven off to the activity and got petrol so I wasn’t going to give him that choice

Plus i wanted to get out of the house and get a coffee as I was really pissed off and needing time to calm down

They didn’t go. I got back and they were all sulking in a house with no windows open. I’ve told dh when he said ‘the girls are upset ‘ that it’s his fault and he could have got an Uber and paid for it so stop lumping guilt onto me.

OP posts: