I spent the petrol money on food

[WellNoprawnsleftthen]

So now I’m the wicked stepmother

SD’s are 13 and 15. Here EOW. This weekend the plan was dh taking them out yesterday then eating out. Today DH was taking them early for an activity they wanted to do and this afternoon a family bbq.

Yesterday morning I did the food shop for the bbq.

Got up this morning to find they had eaten about 75% of the food , were talking a massive box of strawberries, big pack of mango and pineapple , pack of meringues and ice cream. Crisps, Prawns, sausage rolls, half of a pasta salad, cheeses, deli meats and cooked the bread and had that. After having a meal out ?

Apparently they were hungry. We’re on a tight budget so I have used the money set aside today for petrol mostly (plus some for drinks snacks etc) and replaced it all. I’ve now gone out in the car for a coffee and to get away and will go back soon just before my family get there.

Im now the evil stepmother. I told DH get an Uber and use your own money if you still want to go out as I’m furious he didn’t back me up at all just said ‘well they are teenagers ! But I had SAID to everyone what fod was for today and there were other snacks available (full fruit bowl, yogurts, cereal bars etc)

I think being a step parent is really difficult.
You don’t want to be coming over like your trying to replace their Mum but I also can’t stand all the ‘his kids’ comments. The kids are part of the package.
I am not a step parent but I did have step parents. I never felt at home in my Dads house. Like I was a visitor and would have to ask for a drink or something to eat.
At home it was mainly just me and my Mum. If it was in the house I could have whatever I wanted, it was my home.
I think it’s nice that the kids feel enough at home to help themselves.
Yes I can see that’s frustrating and you may have needed to replace a couple of bits but I would have just cut back on the BBQ food a little. I love to put on a good spread but I don’t think all of that is necessary for a good BBQ. I would calmly make them aware that the BBQ is now going to be more basic because they ate a lot of the nice bits and in future could they at least start with the other snacks you buy in for them. I wouldn’t make a big deal about it though. Teenagers are like bottomless pits!

You seem to be only thinking about it from a child's perspective. They feeling at home is not the only thing that matters. It's also important that they be growing up to be decent people while they're in that home, and they should not feel entitled to take something they've been specifically asked not to take for a perfectly valid reason. Even if they are at home.

And being asked not to eat specific things because they're for a certain occasion is not the same thing as having to ask for any food and drink generally. That is projection, the former is totally reasonable.

Natural consequences is not spite.

I'd have done the same if my DH/ bio kids had done that.

Honestly you wouldn't have.

You'd given your kids a massive rocket up the arse and stopped pocket money or treats/screen time/punishment of choice if you felt strongly enough.

You wouldn't've gone off out in the car that they needed and sulked and passively aggressively ruined everyone's day including your own.

@THisbackwithavengeance Who on Earth are you to say she wouldn't? I would absolutely have done the same thing. Taken the car to redo the shopping, and they would not have been allowed to go on their activity. Same thing.

You're underestimating how petty I am :)

DH OP ruined the day.

He chose to let his DC scoff all the food

He chose not to get an Uber.

He chose to let OP do all the shopping planning mental load for a BBQ then crap all over her efforts instead of valuing them.

Not only would I have done what OP did I'd be telling DH he does ALL the mental load etc and pays for the next day out.

Cut them some slat, he only has them every other weekend.

Also if dh didn’t come up till 11.30pm, are you sure there late snack wasn’t ok’d by him.

to be fair though if it was my house I wouldn’t have gone to bed leaving a 13 & 15 year old up like dh did, plus no way would they be allowed to use the oven after I had gone to bed.

And then stropped and cancelled their day out punishing them further for OP taking the car when he could have easily got an uber.

Not a prince amongst men really, is he?

This is the worst part, did he really say this?

There really are some selfish, lying men around. He sounds awful.

I think it must have been okayed by him since he ate half of it. Ergo he was not upstairs sleeping and even if he was saying remember this is for lunch tomorrow and you shouldn’t be eating it while he stuffed his face, that hardly counts as telling them off.

That's a scary thought.

I'm still trying to figure out why people think it's okay for children/DH to eat food they knew was off limits. Why didn't they all just eat the lunch meat and cheese? I do not, for one minute, believe they did not know exactly what they were doing.
I know some teens have big growth spurts and that might make them eat more. but this "teenagers eat so much!" as an excuse for their rude behavior is silly. That is way more food than any two normal teens would eat, especially after having dinner out.

I still think they were being spiteful and having a laugh at OP's expense and then got all "wounded" when they didn't get away with it. Because OP is "just" a SM, so she has no rights and no one has to behave or be considerate towards her.

I wonder if DH ate anything else? What was eaten after he went to bed?

As for OP taking the car and keeping it out. People who are saying nasty things need to realize this: Her DH COULD have gotten a taxi or an Uber. OP has a RIGHT to take a joint car, do the shopping and go for coffee. They could have adapted to the situation but instead, DH had a temper tantrum and ruined the day for everyone. HE ruined the day. NOT the OP.

Just because she is the stepmom doesn't make her scapegoat mom.

Some people need to GTFU and realize actions have consequences.

I was going to say you were well within your rights to replace the food and if that financially impacted on your partners plans then I would have just sympathised and said "well, they are teenagers" and just not argued about it. But taking the car they needed to go out in and then shopping but then purposefully staying out "for a coffee" so they couldnt go is absolutely spiteful and unreasonably cruel. In that regard you really were the evil step mother and it was completely unnecessary. I think you need to have a bit of a reflect on who you are as a person and your feelings towards your step children because they didn't ask you to go out with their dad, sounds like they are perfectly happy with him without you, and they were eating food that's in the house - its hardly a capital offence. You massively over reacted and, worse still, to targeted the children when this should have just been a sensible discussion with your partner. I hope he took them out anyway when you finally returned and sodded off your bbq, that's what I would have done.

Oh ffs, how utterly, utterly ridiculous.

So in your opinion, they should have eaten the food, OP should have replaced the food and they should have gone on their jolly and faced zee consequences, otherwise she is "evil".

How pathetic.

Personally think you should have left him to replace the food. He could have taken them out and got the food either before or on the way back. Shouldn’t have been your job to go out and do this. They ate a crazy amount of food after a meal, I know teens eat a lot but that’s taking the piss.

@GirlsAndPenguins

most kids can’t just have whatever they want out of the fridge or cupboard at home whether there is a step parent there or not because most people have food earmarked for meals, etc and cannot afford to just buy more food

@paulthepython

youre right he should have took them out for more food

Don't talk wet.

But taking the car they needed to go out in and then shopping but then purposefully staying out "for a coffee" so they couldnt go is absolutely spiteful and unreasonably cruel

I think you need to revisit your definitions of the words 'spiteful' and 'cruel' .

Kids and hubby were in the wrong and you shouldn't see this as being a evil stepmum, more as a fed up mum and wife who had enough, your hubby sounds useless to be honest, next time they come over just don't plan anything with other people like bbqs, this is not worth the hassle in your life, just make plans that involve GOING OUT of the house to visit friends and family if your bored and not invited to their meals or days out. X

If I'd tried this shit at either of my parents house I'd have expected to be bollocked by the parent whose house it was plus another bollocking with the parent I was being returned to.

no fucking way would I have expected to go out to an activity the next morning, my arse would have been getting dragged round Asda and it would have been me paying the bill at the till.

I'm only in my 30s, when did parents become so soft?

So @JennyBee23 , if your dad had prepared and served you food at his house, which he’d sat down and eaten with you, you would have expected to be bollocked? Gosh, I’m in my 40s, when did parenting rules become so damn random.

It seems fairly obvious that she hasn't read the full thread and was responding to what was put on the OP, before it was made clear that the dad was involved.