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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I spent the petrol money on food

374 replies

WellNoprawnsleftthen · 11/06/2023 11:41

So now I’m the wicked stepmother

SD’s are 13 and 15. Here EOW. This weekend the plan was dh taking them out yesterday then eating out. Today DH was taking them early for an activity they wanted to do and this afternoon a family bbq.

Yesterday morning I did the food shop for the bbq.

Got up this morning to find they had eaten about 75% of the food , were talking a massive box of strawberries, big pack of mango and pineapple , pack of meringues and ice cream. Crisps, Prawns, sausage rolls, half of a pasta salad, cheeses, deli meats and cooked the bread and had that. After having a meal out ?

Apparently they were hungry. We’re on a tight budget so I have used the money set aside today for petrol mostly (plus some for drinks snacks etc) and replaced it all. I’ve now gone out in the car for a coffee and to get away and will go back soon just before my family get there.

Im now the evil stepmother. I told DH get an Uber and use your own money if you still want to go out as I’m furious he didn’t back me up at all just said ‘well they are teenagers ! But I had SAID to everyone what fod was for today and there were other snacks available (full fruit bowl, yogurts, cereal bars etc)

OP posts:
Matronic6 · 11/06/2023 13:56

I can't believe some of the responses on here. Don't have a teenager yet but if we had have pulled this as teenagers, my mum would have cancelled the activity, dropped us at the supermarket to go buy the stuff which would have been paid for from our pocket money.

They are teens. It actually sounds like they did it on purpose, I don't see how anyone could eat that amount as an evening snack. Fair play for reminding them their actions have consequences. As you said, easily could have gotten an Uber or a taxi to activity, car wasn't the only mode of transport.

Iceicebabytoocold · 11/06/2023 13:56

Sounds like you were OTT. If you have money for Nando’s, costas, use Ubers for getting about etc… you have to bough money to replace bbq food. Can’t believe you took the car as well!

StrugglingWeight · 11/06/2023 13:57

Are they okay?

That's an awful lot of food. Teens can be hungry but they are still human. They've eaten fruit, bread, cheese, meats, an entire desert, crisps, pasta salad, sausages rolls, meringues, prawns and ice cream? Enough for a family bbq for 2 young teenage girls? After a dinner?

That's a serious binge. Is there a chance they were being vindictive? Do they have a problem with food?

It's absolutely not on to eat food known for the bbq. And that's way more food than being hungry would need. The bread and deli meat or something I could understand, but no way did they accidentally eat the entire desert

I'm not sure I agree with how you've handled it but your DH needs to deal with it properly. Have they apologised for eating the food?

pickledandpuzzled · 11/06/2023 13:57

I'm outraged at all the people who think OP should make do and mend, do all the mental load, while DH and his kids swan off for yet another nice outing and come home to a family BBQ.

StrugglingWeight · 11/06/2023 14:00

Personally I think youe DH should have gone to replace the food with his DC and with his own money. If he would have ignored you and gone about his day when asked to do this I think that's the real issue.

It's one thing for teens to be selfish, it's another thing for a grown adult man to expect you to deal with the consequences alone

Ineedaduvetday · 11/06/2023 14:00

mydogisthebest · 11/06/2023 13:13

I can't believe anyone thinks this is acceptable. All the pathetic excuses of "oh they are teenagers and teenagers eat a lot"!

They are spoilt greedy entitled brats. If they were really so hungry (hard to believe) they should have eaten some of the other snack food available.

I know quite a lot of teenagers and none of them would do this. I was also a teenager once as were my siblings and none of us would have done it. We had some respect for our parents and were not greedy selfish pigs.

I think spending time in Costa is fine. I would have been bloody furious and needed somewhere to go to calm down.

Get your OH to teach his children some manners and respect

I agree. There were other food items for them to eat, they wanted the best items and stuff anyone else.

Notcontent · 11/06/2023 14:01

This just doesn’t ring true. I have a teenager and yes, she eats quite a lot - but even when she was doing lots of training for a competitive sport she would not have eaten that much! So unless they have a binge eating disorder, I can’t see so much food being eaten in one go…. Unless they were very small amounts in the first place.

Cailin66 · 11/06/2023 14:02

I don’t understand the gluttonous amount of food eaten. That’s without considering full meals in Nandos. They had no respect for the OP. Her partner should have stopped them eating the BBQ stuff last evening. And he should have got up today to go shop and replace everything.

StormShadow · 11/06/2023 14:02

Why do people keep coming up with solutions that involve DH taking responsibility for replacing the food when OP has been very clear that he wouldn't have done, that he'd have gone out with the DSC instead?

Matronic6 · 11/06/2023 14:03

femfemlicious · 11/06/2023 13:53

She doesn't like those kids. They are only there every other weekend and she's acting like this...not nice and very spiteful. Teenagers do stupid shit, you tell them off and move on. No tolerance!

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Wise up. If I had have pulled this shit with my mother, there would have been much worse consequences than this and she wouldn't have been labelled spiteful at all or accused of not liking us.

manontroppo · 11/06/2023 14:03

Good for you, OP. How do people think selfish teens learn?

Goldbar · 11/06/2023 14:03

The other thing you could have done is embarrass them by letting all your guests turn up and saying "Oh, we don't have much food, sorry, the girls ate most of it yesterday". Natural consequences and all that. I actually think what you did was kinder than letting the consequences of their actions play out.

femfemlicious · 11/06/2023 14:04

SilverOrchid · 11/06/2023 13:54

Well OP couldn’t do as she planned because she had to redo the shopping.

Actions have consequences, and in this instance that meant that the planned transportation was unavailable. DH wasn’t inclined to problem solve and so the trip didn’t happen.

It’s all very benign and a sensible way to teach a lesson. OP hasn’t suggested abusing/starving/throwing out DC as a consequence, the DC just started a chain of events that they then have to live with.

To the PP that said teenagers don’t listen… they become adults who don’t listen unless they LEARN otherwise. I suspect OPs DSC might listen next time they are told…

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Nope she took the car to have a coffee after shopping to make sure they couldn't use the car. She could have come back and they would have left which would have given her time alone to calm down. Its really petty. Those kids are only there EOW

HunterHearstHelmsley · 11/06/2023 14:04

Iceicebabytoocold · 11/06/2023 13:56

Sounds like you were OTT. If you have money for Nando’s, costas, use Ubers for getting about etc… you have to bough money to replace bbq food. Can’t believe you took the car as well!

I can't believe anyone would expect OP to walk to the shops to replace the food rather than taking her own car. They could have gone later. They could have taken a taxi. There were options but her DH didn't want to take them. OP was expected to just suck it up.

PuffinsRocks · 11/06/2023 14:05

YABU I would have cancelled the BBQ and told everyone that it was because the teens ate the food. What you did was passive aggressive and a bit childish. You need to budget better as a couple though. He shouldn't have been swanning off going out to Nandos if you were that close to zero in your account that you've got to choose between food and petrol, and you shouldn't be having a BBQ with lots of expensive sides when you're that broke either. And in no universe is an Uber a cost effective alternative to getting fuel.

Thebigblueballoon · 11/06/2023 14:05

Thinking about it, are you sure the girls actually ate all of the food? Could there have been a vindictive motive? On paper it reads as way too much food for two teenagers, so I’m wondering if they threw some away to antagonise you?

SophieStew · 11/06/2023 14:12

YANBU OP

I agree with PP, you have a DH problem.

Soubriquet · 11/06/2023 14:13

Good for you OP.

Goldbar · 11/06/2023 14:14

femfemlicious · 11/06/2023 14:04

Nope she took the car to have a coffee after shopping to make sure they couldn't use the car. She could have come back and they would have left which would have given her time alone to calm down. Its really petty. Those kids are only there EOW

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Being there EOW isn't a free pass to behave badly.

StormShadow · 11/06/2023 14:15

Thebigblueballoon · 11/06/2023 14:05

Thinking about it, are you sure the girls actually ate all of the food? Could there have been a vindictive motive? On paper it reads as way too much food for two teenagers, so I’m wondering if they threw some away to antagonise you?

I think DH ate some too and doesn't want to admit it.

CreamyFucker · 11/06/2023 14:16

I was thinking ywnbu until the bit about sitting in Costa so they couldn't use the car.

Yes they were in the wrong and I agree with you using the petrol money to buy food but you could have gone home after that so DH could have used his own money to buy petrol and take them out. Yes they could take an uber but that's a lot more expensive.

It sounds like you were playing tit for tat

katepilar · 11/06/2023 14:19

Sounds like the whole family could do with better communication. There seems to be a lot of resentment built up by everyone.
Also why is there eating out, activities and bbqs if money is so tight makes me wonder what else is going on and what the whole picture is.

Debinaround · 11/06/2023 14:19

PuffinsRocks · 11/06/2023 14:05

YABU I would have cancelled the BBQ and told everyone that it was because the teens ate the food. What you did was passive aggressive and a bit childish. You need to budget better as a couple though. He shouldn't have been swanning off going out to Nandos if you were that close to zero in your account that you've got to choose between food and petrol, and you shouldn't be having a BBQ with lots of expensive sides when you're that broke either. And in no universe is an Uber a cost effective alternative to getting fuel.

Why should she cancel something she is obviously looking forward to? She did budget, she budgeted and paid for all the food for the BBQ, she isn't going to budget in case her greedy step kids eat half the food she was planning to make for the BBQ. Especially as she had told them what it was for. She can buy whatever sides she likes too.

Blood hell, if my children behaved like this I would be ashamed and embarrassed that I had raised such greedy, ill mannered children. Pleased to say that mine are nothing like this.

Greatdomestic · 11/06/2023 14:21

I'm not a step parent but I do have a teenage daughter. NO WAY would she have scoffed food meant for entertaining guests.

If she'd fancied something bought for a bbq, she would have asked, and depending on what it was I might have said yes.

But here's what I think the DH expected to happen
Op says fuck all about the food being eaten
He takes his kids to their planned activity in the car
The op walks to the shops to replace all the food which has been eaten, in this heat
The op then goes home, spends hours tidying and getting the house guest ready
The husband swans home minutes before the guests arrive
The husband spends the rest of the day manning the bbq, drinking beer and playing host.
The op then does all the clearing up afterwards

littlemousebigcheese · 11/06/2023 14:23

It's a husband problem here; the fact that he let them eat the food if he was with them until 11.30pm, that he didn't step up and say girls this is for tomorrow, have something else instead. Also that you think he wouldn't have replaced the food and just gone to activity instead and that he's just let them stay in all day, moping so you're the bad guy and it's your fault. Yes it's rude that they are the food but presumably he was there and let them so it's on him, not them in my opinion. My children would absolutely try it on and try and eat the treat nice bits but that's when he should have said no!