I spent the petrol money on food

[WellNoprawnsleftthen]

So now I’m the wicked stepmother

SD’s are 13 and 15. Here EOW. This weekend the plan was dh taking them out yesterday then eating out. Today DH was taking them early for an activity they wanted to do and this afternoon a family bbq.

Yesterday morning I did the food shop for the bbq.

Got up this morning to find they had eaten about 75% of the food , were talking a massive box of strawberries, big pack of mango and pineapple , pack of meringues and ice cream. Crisps, Prawns, sausage rolls, half of a pasta salad, cheeses, deli meats and cooked the bread and had that. After having a meal out ?

Apparently they were hungry. We’re on a tight budget so I have used the money set aside today for petrol mostly (plus some for drinks snacks etc) and replaced it all. I’ve now gone out in the car for a coffee and to get away and will go back soon just before my family get there.

Im now the evil stepmother. I told DH get an Uber and use your own money if you still want to go out as I’m furious he didn’t back me up at all just said ‘well they are teenagers ! But I had SAID to everyone what fod was for today and there were other snacks available (full fruit bowl, yogurts, cereal bars etc)

Because they would have taken the car and fucked off for their day out making replacing the food once again OPs problem

It sounds as if that wouldn’t have happened and they’d have buggered off out leaving op to solve the problem.

You absolutely did the right thing op.

Is he normally this uncooperative?

He sounds a terrible parent. He needs to have your back and learn to say no to step children sometimes.

Where were you both when the kids were eating all that food?

Did you not smell the bread cooking?

if DH can afford meals out, days out.. maybe he should be putting more money into the joint budget so that your not juggling petrol money/food money to such a degree

I went for a coffee so I was out at the time they needed to leave

Which is just spiteful tbh.
Replacing the food is annoying,getting petrol is fine but actually staying out just so they couldn’t then use the car is awful.

I get you are angry but most of what they ate you could go without today, prawns, strawberries, deli meat etc are not important for a bbq. Yes you need replacement bread but there was a compromise

Wow. They sound disgustingly greedy and inconsiderate. I’d honestly have cancelled the barbecue. Why should they get to gorge themselves on expensive food two days in a row? A Nando’s plus all of the items you listed is pure gluttony.

in bed ! I went up at 930, dh I think came up about 1130? We are up in the loft so I didn’t smell any cooking

Fair play-natural consequences. They will think next time and hopefully make better decisions

They're not gluttons! They're teenagers who were hungry and fancied a snack. They didn't eat everything.They didn't eat all the burgers and buns. It's annoying, but that's the way it is. If you have to choose between that and petrol then you need to have words with your husband about what they are allowed to eat. Don't suggest they pay, don't punish them - hand it over to their dad and ask him to put some boundaries in place.
It's more than the food, isn't it?

They ate the whole dessert too !!!

So what's your husband doing about it?

You are making a storm in a tea cup . Teenagers eat liars so you all should have more supplies . Yes I agree they shouldn’t have eaten the picnic food but it’s nit surprising for teens . Preventing them from going by not taking the cat back on time on purpose seems over the top .

This. You are literally modelling that a sulk in Costa is how to deal with things.

They had snacks :

Full
fruit bowl full of bananas satsumas apples pears
cereal bars
yogurts
crisps and crackers , houmous
popcorn
various drinks available

They all knew what was for the bbq.

I think being out in the car at the time they needed to go out for their activity was a dick move tbh.

Instead you could have told DH to replace it all from solo funds, or something similar.

I get having your BBQ ingredients eaten would be hugely annoying, but stopping them doing their activity just seems like a weird punishment.

DH and DSDs should have gone out to replace the food before their activity.

Sounds like everyone is flouncing around at yours.

I didn’t say I was going for a coffee after, they will have assumed I was still food shopping.

What better way to teach them a lesson than to speak their language. They inconvenienced me so I’ve inconvenienced them - I had explained what food was for the bbq and they had alternatives to eat - they all need to learn a lesson dh included

There were alternative snacks they could have had, they weren't being starved for goodness sake, they decided to be selfish and have found that actions have consequences. I have done the same to my own teenager. We have x budget for food and y budget for a lovely activity and if you eat all the food then y budget goes. We do have additional funds but they need to learn that things cost money.

YANBU unreasonable. I also think taking yourself away from a frustrating situation was good too. You've shown that you were cross, they've had the consequence and now you are avoiding escalating the situation.

I’ve also let dh know that I’m doing the cooking on the bbq he can sort the house out by 2 pm so that’s a role reversal too as usually he’s sitting in the sun tending to the food while I’m tidying and I’ve had enough of it

OP the kids were completely in the wrong - of course they were.

I wouldn’t not have dreamed of eating food meant for entertaining when I was a child. Both parents would have gone mad!

Your husbands weak parenting is the problem here.

this has reminded me of the episode of Derry Girls when they raided the Christmas cupboard and got in so much trouble.

your step daughters should be punished for this bad behaviour. No pocket money - that type of thing.

they are old enough to know better

Your dh is the problem here not backing you up-they were told what food was for the bbq they ate it anyway

They’ve missed their activity so I think that’s enough. They are in general lovely girls but just so selfish in a way only teenagers can be . I feel like DH just won’t deal with anything for a quiet life