I spent the petrol money on food

[WellNoprawnsleftthen]

So now I’m the wicked stepmother

SD’s are 13 and 15. Here EOW. This weekend the plan was dh taking them out yesterday then eating out. Today DH was taking them early for an activity they wanted to do and this afternoon a family bbq.

Yesterday morning I did the food shop for the bbq.

Got up this morning to find they had eaten about 75% of the food , were talking a massive box of strawberries, big pack of mango and pineapple , pack of meringues and ice cream. Crisps, Prawns, sausage rolls, half of a pasta salad, cheeses, deli meats and cooked the bread and had that. After having a meal out ?

Apparently they were hungry. We’re on a tight budget so I have used the money set aside today for petrol mostly (plus some for drinks snacks etc) and replaced it all. I’ve now gone out in the car for a coffee and to get away and will go back soon just before my family get there.

Im now the evil stepmother. I told DH get an Uber and use your own money if you still want to go out as I’m furious he didn’t back me up at all just said ‘well they are teenagers ! But I had SAID to everyone what fod was for today and there were other snacks available (full fruit bowl, yogurts, cereal bars etc)

I agree with this.

Being out in the car when you knew they needed it was a dick move.

Well I think you were very nice about it. If my kids had done this I would have hit the bloody roof and they would have been punished by both shopping for the replacement food and contributing to the expense. No way would they have been taken to an activity. But then my kids wouldn't have dreamed of doing this despite being teenagers aged 13 and 16. Just because teenagers eat a lot does not mean they get to eat what they like. You have a DH problem who sounds like a Disney dad.

I honestly think his response was shrugging shoulders and’ hahah aren’t they hungry girls - well we are off now in the car so have fun waking to the shops to replace all the food with your own money ‘

Op, if your own kids had done this the posters needling you would say YANBU.

But because you’re a step-mum you will always be the evil step-mother.

Ignore the, you did absolutely right.

How are costs divided in terms of bills, rent, food? I hooe H pays more because of his kids?

Are you actually serious?? They are teenagers not toddlers! If they are told not to eat something they should bloody well not eat it.

Plus OP said they had plenty of snacks that they could eat.

You must have very I’ll mannered children if you think that behaviour is acceptable…

Dh could have got an Uber , he had an alternative option

Teaching a lesson? Fgs - how old? Why can nobody have proper discussions anymore?

'Everyone - I'm pretty upset, the food I got for the BBQ today has been eaten. I know people get hungry, but there are lots of snacks that you know are up for grabs and this was expensive. To put this right, please can the 3 of you go and replace the food whilst I get on. I realise this wasn't your plan, but this needs to happen. Thank you'

Well done for not letting that happen. Dick head.

Who eats a whole dessert meant for a gathering? Twats.

OP has already explained her H would have just taken the car to go to the activity rather than go shopping for replacements.

So not only would OP have to shop again, she’d have to do it without a car.

As a step parent- pick your battles and how you handle things. You have years to get through without starting war. What feels like a huge deal now won’t when you haven’t got a hot head on.
Keeping the car when they wanted to leave is not on. It’s just conflict creation and bad feelings.
Look for consequence yes, but keep it measured. Personally I’d be putting food in the fridge in carrier bags for a while with knots in them. Patronising, but harmless.
Camly tell your DH what he is replacing, give a list to get on the way home. In his hand.
Just generally accept the situation a bit more, and plan ahead where you can for stupid things and try to be calm dealing with crap. I remember getting so angry once, I can home and my Sd had tried on all my clothes and make up. I felt violated and so angry. It caused a wedge. In hindsight I’d have asked her to tidy up, with support if needed, and then set boundaries in a constructive way. What she could and couldn’t do. It wasn’t worth the upset really

Reading through some replies , I have obviously underestimated the gravitas and severity of this. There is obviously no calm and rational response or grown up way to approach this. Everyone must get very, very cross immediately.
LTB and have the teens sent to a young offenders unit.

@Lacucuracha Or this avenue wasn't explored?

It sounds to me like there is a lot more going on than teenagers eating the stuff in the fridge.
You are on a tight budget but buy coffee in coffee shops and your DH can buy dinner for them in Nando’s? Isn’t that at least £20 a head?
not quite sure how these things add up

Or could you send them up a chimney to work or beat them into submission?

If it were your own DCs who had eaten all the food OP, I bet you wouldn't even have posted.

But you threw your toys out the pram, passively aggressively replaced every single item of food and took the car they needed for a trip.

So you basically showed them? And acted petulantly and ridiculously in the process.

I get it. I have teen DCs who raid the fridge.

For future reference, what I do is post piece of A4 on the fridge which says "please don't eat <lists items> or I will fucking kill you". And that works!

Not really my kids are really well behaved , I do however have a full pantry and fridge . I also know that teens are mostly not listen first time when it comes to irrelevant ( for them ) info so the op says she told them . But did they actually aknowledge they knew that food was for something specific ?
sorry but they are not even her own kids and she is putting herself in a position of causing issues with her step kids over some food ? Doesn’t make sense to me . It’s just a bit of food , easy to replace .By all means tell them off or better send hubby to actually shop but preventing them from going is mean

I can't believe anyone thinks this is acceptable. All the pathetic excuses of "oh they are teenagers and teenagers eat a lot"!

They are spoilt greedy entitled brats. If they were really so hungry (hard to believe) they should have eaten some of the other snack food available.

I know quite a lot of teenagers and none of them would do this. I was also a teenager once as were my siblings and none of us would have done it. We had some respect for our parents and were not greedy selfish pigs.

I think spending time in Costa is fine. I would have been bloody furious and needed somewhere to go to calm down.

Get your OH to teach his children some manners and respect

So they ate most of the stuff for the BBQ & will be eating again at the BBQ?

If you’d written this as the mother not the step mother I think you’d have different responses. You told them that this food was for a party the next day, they had already eaten dinner and they had other snacks available. They thought they could get away with it.

You definitely have a DH problem. It’s his attitude that the girls are picking up on. You seem to have mostly separate finances. It’s funny how he’s fine for them to waste your joint money (rebuying food for the BBQ) but won’t put his hand in his own pocket for an Uber to get them to their activity.

That's a really good point.
Nandos is definitely not cheap and £20 x 3 covers a lot of BBQ food.

You are not the slightest bit wrong. I can't believe there are people defending this behaviour. They were selfish and greedy. Had I done this as a child there would have been no activity and no barbecue either and I would have understood why.

Actually it’s the first time in years I’ve had a coffee out ! And the bbq isn’t a weekly occurrence !

I like to stick to a budget , yes the girls going out to eat etc is money but DH only
sees them every other week so it balances out and is why we have a budget in other areas. Today was just about more than a budget it was about the fact they knew what they couldn’t have and had it and then DH didn’t back me up at all

but they are not even her own kids and she is putting herself in a position of causing issues with her step kids over some food

So it's all Op's fault?

JFC!

Have a medal for your full pantry and fridge .

What a thoughtless brag.

THEY WOUOD NOT REPLACE THE FOOD, H EXPECTED OP TO DO IT.

Yes but I’m not going to withhold a meal from them !!

Your DH needs a good kick up the arse.