I spent the petrol money on food

[WellNoprawnsleftthen]

So now I’m the wicked stepmother

SD’s are 13 and 15. Here EOW. This weekend the plan was dh taking them out yesterday then eating out. Today DH was taking them early for an activity they wanted to do and this afternoon a family bbq.

Yesterday morning I did the food shop for the bbq.

Got up this morning to find they had eaten about 75% of the food , were talking a massive box of strawberries, big pack of mango and pineapple , pack of meringues and ice cream. Crisps, Prawns, sausage rolls, half of a pasta salad, cheeses, deli meats and cooked the bread and had that. After having a meal out ?

Apparently they were hungry. We’re on a tight budget so I have used the money set aside today for petrol mostly (plus some for drinks snacks etc) and replaced it all. I’ve now gone out in the car for a coffee and to get away and will go back soon just before my family get there.

Im now the evil stepmother. I told DH get an Uber and use your own money if you still want to go out as I’m furious he didn’t back me up at all just said ‘well they are teenagers ! But I had SAID to everyone what fod was for today and there were other snacks available (full fruit bowl, yogurts, cereal bars etc)

I have DSC and if they did this after being told what food was being kept for a BBQ, then they would then not be eating at the BBQ. They could have the snacks that had been available for them the previous night while everyone else enjoyed the BBQ food. They had already eaten their portion. They are more than old enough understand not to eat the food you pointed out as reserved for the BBQ, but they consciously chose to eat it.

You should phone Social Services.

So you had the items that were for the actual bbq meat fish and bread buns ....
I'd of just made those and not had the extra luxuries ....

You're a way better parent than your husband and they aren't even your kids.

Screwballs · 11/06/2023 20:15
AndIKnewYouMeantIt ·11/06/2023 18:31

You make your 15 year old ask to have some of his own Easter egg?
Show quote history
We absolutely do not make them ask, they do it automatically. I'm sorry that triggers you but it comes from their mothers home so have your little go and move on.

my teenagers also still ask-even the 19yr old! More in the “is it ok? When is dinner?” way but no way would they eat all the above before asking. However the DH is the main one to blame here; but I’ve still no idea how you go out for dinner at Nando’s and then come home and eat as much as the three of them did, whether or not it was intended elsewhere-really greedy.

Utterly pathetic how much effort people go to, to make the SM the bad guy.

the facts are that 3 people scoffed all the food (bar a few uncooked burgers and some buns) for a bbq the next day

all of them old enough and compos mentis enough to know this food was off limits

the DH suggested the food he ate wasn’t typical BBQ food and he forgot? How does the massive dessert they scoffed fit into that?

@WellNoprawnsleftthen did the right thing. If these were her biological kids nobody would bay an eyelid and in fact the entire thread would be full of “you go girl!” “Good on you!” Posts

which would have been a good consequence if the BBQ hadn't been for other guests.

IMO OP did well here, and i hope her DH has stopped playing the martyr and come to his senses. And that the BBQ went well.

YANBU to be annoyed about the food. But it was really spiteful to take the car when you knew they had plans

Yep, she clearly should have just walked to and from the supermarket in this weather to replace it all because they ate it, and let them crack on with their day.

I always thought it was the opposite, boys tend to be excused far more.

"They inconvenienced me so I’ve inconvenienced them...". Yikes 😬. You're an adult though, tit for tat is not how reasonable people should sort out their differences. I get you were annoyed they ate some of the food but teenagers do eat a lot - they need to. Storming off with the only car is exactly the sort of thing a petulant teenager would do, you really need to grow up and try to have a calm conversation with your OH and SC. The teens probably wouldn't even have understood why you were in such a huff, if you'd told them instead of ruining their activity, you wouldn't be looking like the wicked stepmum.

She said she deliberately took longer as she knew it would annoy them - how petty

She said she deliberately took longer as she knew it would annoy them - how petty

She also said to get away, because she was rightfully annoyed at being forced to do the same chore she'd already done again. Absolutely fair enough.

Also - it transpires that it was her DH who instigated eating the food and blamed it on her, so this is on him. But while he was still scapegoating them, and OP had been led to believe they'd just totally ignored her telling them not to eat that food, it was absolutely right that they should face consequences. Op should not have to rush back, stressed out and pissed off so they could still have their day out unaffected.

What you need to be asking is would you have done this if it was your own children? If so you will be battling for the rest of your days!
like someone else said pick your battles. I’m not saying it should have been discussed and had a talk about not eating food saved for an occasion but it sounds like you’re more upset that your husband didn’t take your side. His not always going to do this just because you are his wife. They are his children and will always come before anyone (exactly how it should be!)

It also sounds like you stayed out purposely to make it so that their plans were ruined. You are the adult they are the children!

100% Just teaching the children to be spiteful and petty. If this is how the adults are acting then is there any wonder the children are showing no regard?!

No you were stripping and acting childish. Therefore teaching no lessons other than spite so don’t complain when this is what they show. You clearly feel unsupported by your husband and it seems you are taking this out on his children. They were there before you and it’s a fight you won’t win (rightfully so). Learn to talk and discuss like adults!

It also sounds like you stayed out purposely to make it so that their plans were ruined. You are the adult they are the children!

Yes and as the adult, this taught them the lesson they needed. If they HAD actually eaten it without dad's permission, they did not deserve a day out while OP cleaned up their mess.

But tbh it's exhausting and pointless trying to reason with someone that keeps repeating the childish argument "they came before you".

You know he sees HIS children twice in a month. Maybe he carries that guilt so let’s things slide when he does have them?!

No mine neither but it wouldn’t piss me off to the point of posting it on mums net!

Why the emphasis on "HIS"? You're making it pretty clear that you just have a chip on your shoulder about step children and that's colouring all your comments.

You are posting on on the thread though, how is that any better?

And the thread has 345 posts so plenty of people are interested.

You are misunderstanding the point!
I have four children three of which are in their late teens. In early teens they did many a things that teenagers do that pissed me off. Ie..Not paid any attention to what I said and eaten something I asked them not to because they were in their own world and not paid attention. It didn’t warrant me to post. But hey everyone’s different and as it’s now been discovered DH was the perpetrator he joined in on the feast and allowed it to happen and let them take the blame. Therefore as suspected this post was more about a shitty DH than DSD!

This thread is insane! Stepmothers are a blood sport on here.

I dare say @WellNoprawnsleftthen had plans too, that couldn’t happen cos she had to replace all the food that had been eaten

I think at that point the blame had only fallen on the kids, and it wasn’t clear that dh actually joined in on the scoffing.

I think he knew what he was doing, went all Disney dad and then when challenged threw the kids under the bus. Not nice at all

but it could be worse, he could an a step mum and therefore permanently wrong

If some of the comments on this post are genuine opinion and not trolls, I’m not surprised we have a generation of inconsiderate, obnoxious, mannerless pricks of teenagers who hang out in big crowds being nothing but general knobheads, piss on/set fire to playground equipment for laughs and nick bikes/scooters “because we’re bored” etc. The permissive ‘parenting’, this-is-what-teenagers-are-like slopey-shoulderness vibe is strong 😒