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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend says I'm ignorant -aibu to think I'm not?

233 replies

aaratty · 10/06/2023 10:04

Tomorrow there is a big concert in our city.
60,000 so hotels are now all full or ridiculously expensive.
A week ago a "friend "(hasn't spoke to him in 10 years ) messaged asking if he could park his camper van on our drive tonight and my partner said yes (which okay it's fine )
Now tomorrow we are also going to this concert and I'm really excited and bought a new outfit and want to look nice.
The plan is to head into town around 1pm (we are lucky it's a 5 min walk to town and 15 to stadium )
Now he is saying they are coming inside for breakfast and a chat -I said okay no worries but in the morning il be getting ready (I want to do my hair /make up nice etc -I don't feel confident without makeup and would never be out with strangers without some make up on)
Partner has said no that's ignorant come and sit with us before you get ready and have breakfast and then quickly get ready.
I said no I'm getting ready then I'll make some breakfast -he said from what he remembers his friend likes early breakfast
Oh well -
Aibu here ?
What difference does it make if I'm getting ready whilst he is chatting with them?
I don't even know the guy

OP posts:
twoandcooplease · 10/06/2023 10:06

Yanbu. He should host his friend's breakfast and you can pop down with a cheery hello ONCE YOU ARE READY 😊

Whataretheodds · 10/06/2023 10:07

I'd say "you make breakfast at a time that suits you - you'll have lots to catch up on. When I'm ready I'll pop down and say hello/meet him."

If you're going into town together there will be hours to socialise together.

Whataretheodds · 10/06/2023 10:08

( I would expect to greet guests even if I then went to get changed or whatever).

But how late are you going to be?

Setting · 10/06/2023 10:08

Do what you want, you partner is more than capable of making breakfast. And I would have to get ready/dressed to meet someone for breakfast I. My house rather than walk around half naked getting ready as usual

Original poster
aaratty · 10/06/2023 10:08

I'm assuming we will be going to town with them and have a drink before they go to stadium
They are standing and we are seats so won't see them inside.
I don't have a problem with that but i want to be ready first and feel nice
Not stood there in my pjs -with hair out the couch

OP posts:
Indecisive20 · 10/06/2023 10:09

No, you're not being unreasonable. You had plans and you are entitled to stick with them. I would say yabu if you don't acknowledge the guests and at least say hello.

However, this is the kind of situation where it might be harder in reality to just leave them to get ready though, I could see me planning to do what you are and then not being able to bring myself to do it and ending up with them all morning Confused

Merryoldgoat · 10/06/2023 10:10

That isn’t want ignorant means.

He sounds like a twit.

Perfect28 · 10/06/2023 10:11

It's not ignorant but yabu for never wanting to show the world your unmade up face

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 10/06/2023 10:11

You’re leaving at 1pm. He’s coming for breakfast. Even if you have a late breakfast at 10 you will have eaten by 10.30 and you’re not leaving for 2.5 hours. How long can it take to get ready?
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with pottering around and getting ready whilst he’s chatting to your DP, but the idea that coming for breakfast is encroaching on your getting ready time to leave after lunch seems a bit far fetched.

TrashQueens · 10/06/2023 10:11

YANBU

it’s your home to do what you like and let him entertain his own friend

cocksstrideintheevening · 10/06/2023 10:11

Does he understand what ignorant means?

Notimeforaname · 10/06/2023 10:11

Yanbu.

Get ready and do your own thing.

He can entertain his own friends.

Carry on doing what you were going to do, he doesn't own you or get to tell you what to do.

If he wants to think you're ignorant, that's fine, you can disagree.

arethereanyleftatall · 10/06/2023 10:13

I'm not really understanding the timings.

Will you be spending the entire morning getting ready?

And are you saying you won't even pop down to say hi to guests in that time?

If so, then yes, I think that's rude.

RoxyMuzak · 10/06/2023 10:14

cocksstrideintheevening · 10/06/2023 10:11

Does he understand what ignorant means?

In some regions, in informal speech, 'ignorant' can be used to mean 'bad mannered', that is, acting like someone who doesn't know how to behave properly. Very widespread in the South West where I live.

ThatFraggle · 10/06/2023 10:15

Don't you know you're the little woman and it's your job to cook and be a hostess?

Cooking and hosting are hard work, so he wants to outsource the work to you, while he has fun socialising.

What would happen with a normal person.

DH: Hi Fred! Great that you could make it! Sally's upstairs getting ready and will be down on a bit. I'll make us some breakfast.

Later:
You come down. Hugs/hellos with Fred.
DH: You can pop your breakfast in the microwave.

MidgeHardcastle · 10/06/2023 10:16

Who the fuck do people think they are telling their partners what to do? I can't see where the twat has even said You don't mind them staying on the drive do you? You don't mind them coming in for breakfast do you? And then to demand (not even ask) that op sits there as well. She'll probably be told to rustle up a full English next. Op, greet them in the morning and say you'll be upstairs most of the morning but whatever happens don't let them spoil your day.

Original poster
aaratty · 10/06/2023 10:17

My plan was to have a lie in till 9 (I'm up at 5am most days )
And then just have a cuppa and start getting ready
Bath ,make up hair etc then go out for dinner (he mentioned adding in a breakfast )
So then I said okay il get up early and get ready for like half 11 then make a late breakfast /brunch
He says no they will want breakfast at 8/9 but I won't be ready by then.
He wants me to just make breakfast in my pjs and sit and chat with them for a bit.
He wanted a cat -said he would look after this cat.
He doesn't ,I look after it,I book vets appointments -then get my parents to look after the cat -everything falls on me
For once I just want to do what I want to do

OP posts:
honeylulu · 10/06/2023 10:24

Why is he expecting you to make breakfast for his guest? Dors his big swinging dick get in the way of the cooker or something. He can bloody well do it especially if it's not at a time when you were willing to do it. Can't bear men who treat their partners like domestic appliances. Just tell him you're not the skivvy and if he wants to host breakfast at 8/9 he can shop for it, cook it and serve it. And that ignorant means "lacking in knowledge" so he needs to buy himself a dictionary too.

arethereanyleftatall · 10/06/2023 10:25

I don't think Yabu to do what you want to do.
But I do think you might be incompatible long term on this. Throughout my life myself and whoever was my then partner would have enjoyed breakfast at home in pjs and hair everywhere with countless guests, be they strangers for one party or not. I actually love the relaxed nature if a pj chat. It wouldn't personally suit me to be with someone who couldn't/wouldn't do that. But I'm not saying it's wrong- but incompatible.

The cat thing is a different issue and probably one thing in hundreds of things he does similar. You don't have to be in a relationship with this man op - you can end it if it's not making you happy.

DuesToTheDirt · 10/06/2023 10:25

a) strange use of the word ignorant
b) why isn't he making the breakfast?

FOJN · 10/06/2023 10:25

He wants me to just make breakfast in my pjs and sit and chat with them for a bit.

He's agreed to his friend coming in for breakfast without consulting you and now he want you to make them breakfast? If I've understood correctly then the only reasonable response is "fuck off and do it yourself". Is he always such a CF?

Maray1967 · 10/06/2023 10:26

honeylulu · 10/06/2023 10:24

Why is he expecting you to make breakfast for his guest? Dors his big swinging dick get in the way of the cooker or something. He can bloody well do it especially if it's not at a time when you were willing to do it. Can't bear men who treat their partners like domestic appliances. Just tell him you're not the skivvy and if he wants to host breakfast at 8/9 he can shop for it, cook it and serve it. And that ignorant means "lacking in knowledge" so he needs to buy himself a dictionary too.

Great post.
OP, why can’t he make breakfast and entertain his friend? I’d shout hello down the stairs when he turns up and leave them to it.

arethereanyleftatall · 10/06/2023 10:27

Also - please clarify op -is he expecting YOU to make this breakfast?!?
I missed that. That is ltb territory in one sentence for its sexism.

Summerhillsquare · 10/06/2023 10:28

Ah, he can't be arsed to make breakfast himself... Please tell me you don't prepare EVERY meal for him..

SophieStew · 10/06/2023 10:30

DuesToTheDirt · 10/06/2023 10:25

a) strange use of the word ignorant
b) why isn't he making the breakfast?

Absolutely.

Is he disabled? You get ready according to your own schedule, he does whatever he wants with the guests he invited.

Unless he is actually your boss.