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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend says I'm ignorant -aibu to think I'm not?

233 replies

aaratty · 10/06/2023 10:04

Tomorrow there is a big concert in our city.
60,000 so hotels are now all full or ridiculously expensive.
A week ago a "friend "(hasn't spoke to him in 10 years ) messaged asking if he could park his camper van on our drive tonight and my partner said yes (which okay it's fine )
Now tomorrow we are also going to this concert and I'm really excited and bought a new outfit and want to look nice.
The plan is to head into town around 1pm (we are lucky it's a 5 min walk to town and 15 to stadium )
Now he is saying they are coming inside for breakfast and a chat -I said okay no worries but in the morning il be getting ready (I want to do my hair /make up nice etc -I don't feel confident without makeup and would never be out with strangers without some make up on)
Partner has said no that's ignorant come and sit with us before you get ready and have breakfast and then quickly get ready.
I said no I'm getting ready then I'll make some breakfast -he said from what he remembers his friend likes early breakfast
Oh well -
Aibu here ?
What difference does it make if I'm getting ready whilst he is chatting with them?
I don't even know the guy

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 10/06/2023 11:38

YANBU! Why should you change your plans when he didn't even run it by you first?!
And why on earth would you be expected to make the breakfast? Why can't he?
I'd be TELLING him if he wants breakfast then take friend to a nice cafe and leave you in peace to have your bath and get ready at your own leisure. He's a twat.

Nanny0gg · 10/06/2023 11:38

aaratty · 10/06/2023 10:41

@nosyupnorth I don't feel comfortable sat with no makeup /pjs on in front of people I've never met-nothing to do with taking time out of getting ready (although don't see why I should have to change what I want to do for a random person )

I'm with you and you shouldn't

KingOfThieves · 10/06/2023 11:41

Just do you thing and pop in when you can. Sounds like they invited themselves, it’s not like you offered to host them breakfast and are now refusing to come down and chat with them

nosyupnorth · 10/06/2023 11:44

Fair enough to not want to be in pjs in front of somebody you're just meeting, but you don't have to do that -- it would take all of two minutes to put some casual clothes on so you can greet them. Refusing to even acknowledge their arrival because they are less important to you than primping says a lot about your character.

strawberry2017 · 10/06/2023 11:45

There is not a chance on this Earth I would want to meet a complete stranger in my pjs! It's your weekend too:
Just because he can't see that he's been used by this so called "friend" doesn't mean you have to pander to them! X

lap90 · 10/06/2023 11:46

Is it a daytime concert?

I'm not understanding why they even need to have breakfast at yours.

Nutterjacks · 10/06/2023 11:47

I'm like you OP I like to look nice if I'm going out and don't like rushing.

Let your partner make breakfast for his friend if he can't wait till you're ready.

YANBU

neverenoughchelseaboots · 10/06/2023 11:47

RoxyMuzak · 10/06/2023 10:14

In some regions, in informal speech, 'ignorant' can be used to mean 'bad mannered', that is, acting like someone who doesn't know how to behave properly. Very widespread in the South West where I live.

Show quote history

I agree, I see this in MN a lot. But the second meaning of ignorant is ‘discourteous or rude’. I thought that was widely used.

AlisonDonut · 10/06/2023 11:49

Dont make breakfast and come down when you want wearing what you want.

IncyWincyGrownUp · 10/06/2023 11:50

So many people on this thread more bothered that the OP isn’t doing as she’s told, rather than that her supposed partner expects her to fuck off her own plans for the day because his mate exists.

Batshit.

Thepeopleversuswork · 10/06/2023 11:51

Your boyfriend is illiterate. That’s not what ignorant means.

Also if he wants people to come over for breakfast why can’t he sort them out? Why do you need to be present at all?

JudgeJ · 10/06/2023 11:54

RoxyMuzak · 10/06/2023 10:14

In some regions, in informal speech, 'ignorant' can be used to mean 'bad mannered', that is, acting like someone who doesn't know how to behave properly. Very widespread in the South West where I live.

Show quote history

I think that the word 'ignorant' has a double meaning in most areas of the country, being used to mean bad mannered is probably more common.

excelledyourself · 10/06/2023 11:56

This is his friend. You are under no obligation to him.

As long as you are friendly in the time that you actually spend with him, I see absolutely no issue with keeping to your plans this morning.

But longer term, I'd be reconsidering the relationship, because your boyfriend sounds awful.

Andylion · 10/06/2023 11:59

OP, do what you want. If your BF wants to fuss over someone who seems to be using him for a place to park their camper, that’s his choice.

Fisharejumping · 10/06/2023 12:00

LTB…

I’m joking!

I agree with you - yanbu. Breakfast first my arse. Does your partner not know how much it takes for you to look that good?

TheSnowyOwl · 10/06/2023 12:01

I’d buy him a dictionary and do my make up.

continentallentil · 10/06/2023 12:04

Leave him to do breakfast as you like, but if you aren’t leaving till 1 that’s an awful long time to do make up, so I can see that he doesn’t quite get it.

continentallentil · 10/06/2023 12:05

TheSnowyOwl · 10/06/2023 12:01

I’d buy him a dictionary and do my make up.

Ignorant is a colloquial term for rude in some parts of the UK eg Northern Ireland

bussteward · 10/06/2023 12:07

It‘s not about the makeup or the use of the word ignorant: he wants you to forgo your one lie-in when you’re usually up at 5am (presumably to feed his cat?) so you can host his friend? Because he’s incapable of pouring some cornflakes? Your boyfriend is a turd, sorry.

margegunderson · 10/06/2023 12:07

Stand firm.
If he's agreed to the mate coming for early breakfast that's his problem to sort.
Say hello when you're ready to do that.
And consider whether this guy is worth the selfish behaviour.
Maybe learn to love yourself a bit more as well - you'll look great without the full face I'm sure!

MyFaceIsAnAONB · 10/06/2023 12:08

Merryoldgoat · 10/06/2023 10:10

That isn’t want ignorant means.

He sounds like a twit.

I was going to say the same but luckily I googled before posting - definition 2 seems to disagree with us!

OP yanbu.

Boyfriend says I'm ignorant -aibu to think I'm not?
PicturesOfDogs · 10/06/2023 12:09

Thepeopleversuswork · 10/06/2023 11:51

Your boyfriend is illiterate. That’s not what ignorant means.

Also if he wants people to come over for breakfast why can’t he sort them out? Why do you need to be present at all?

That’s not even what illiterate means

MyFaceIsAnAONB · 10/06/2023 12:10

(On that note I’ve never understood irony precisely - is it ironic that those saying he doesn’t know what ignorant means, are ignorant of the fact ignorant can mean rude? 😄 )

Freefall212 · 10/06/2023 12:11

I don't think you need to make them breakfast at all but I would pop down and say hello. It takes 30 seconds to throw on jeans and a t shirt. Not showing your face is a weird hangup you need to get over. I would also be annoyed with my partner if he refused to say hello to friends / family because no one is allowed to see his face. That level of insecurity would be a dealbreaker for me.

Wolfpa · 10/06/2023 12:13

2.5 hours to get ready is quite excessive and if I were waiting that long it would really annoy me.

If you are spending the entire time not acknowledging the friend then this is rude. Can you reach a happy middle point where you say hello part way through getting ready?

They can make their own breakfast and I see no problem with you eating separately to them.