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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To go round to neighbours in the morning?

224 replies

MonkeyDoodles · 09/06/2023 22:45

Because I have totally had enough.
Next door neighbours just had a loud party from 5.30PM to only now just finishing up. Loud screeching and screaming from the kids, hot tub and all the noise that comes from that, DIY also done in the middle of it all. My whole evening has been a write off because of them.
This is constant. Kids range from 4 years to 10 years and scream and holler to each other constantly for hours on end. My other family members don't want to confront them as are worried about causing an argument but I honestly feel it is having a massive impact on my mental health. Aibu to go round there and tell them it's not on even if my family disagree? It is actually unbearable and causing a lot of arguments in my own home.

OP posts:
Haugh · 11/06/2023 21:42

Learn to play the bagpipes or the trumpet. Or start playing songs badly and tape the singing. Or play hymns. Would this be illegal?

Seriously, you may just have to insulate your own home.

Rambled · 11/06/2023 22:02

Doesn’t seem too late for a party but I do understand that with this happening every day it does get too much. Our neighbours behind us have a pool so we expect some noise but the kids in there screech and shout at the very top of their voices all weekend, every weekend from morning to evening so we can’t enjoy our garden without piercing noise. This is the fourth weekend in a row so far and it’s only June. If they were my kids I wouldn’t have them screeching like that for my own sanity let alone my neighbours, it’s very selfish.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 11/06/2023 22:04

I'd hate this.We had the radio on loud this weekend as we were doing d.i.y jobs in the garden.I shouted over to next door to check they were OK with it which they were.

Theyve had get togethers which theyve messaged me in advance about and asked if the mudic was too loud.

Considerarion is needed when you live close to others imo.

AmeliaWarnerBros · 11/06/2023 22:11

I can't believe how many selfish people there are in this world, & it seems like some are on this thread, due to the mocking replies. And they'll probably raise the next generation to be the same.

I sympathize, OP; these people are awful. I also struggle as I'm naturally a very quiet person.

Also, sellers who don't disclose bad neighbours to their buyers are cu**s of the highest order.

Billyho · 11/06/2023 22:13

AmeliaWarnerBros · 11/06/2023 22:11

I can't believe how many selfish people there are in this world, & it seems like some are on this thread, due to the mocking replies. And they'll probably raise the next generation to be the same.

I sympathize, OP; these people are awful. I also struggle as I'm naturally a very quiet person.

Also, sellers who don't disclose bad neighbours to their buyers are cu**s of the highest order.

So you as a quiet person wanting to
move, would not be a cunt and disclose neighbours that you deemed noisy?

even if those neighbours were acting within the legal boundaries…. Really?

you would disclose a non issue?

Toomuchtrouble4me · 11/06/2023 22:55

Billyho · 11/06/2023 22:13

So you as a quiet person wanting to
move, would not be a cunt and disclose neighbours that you deemed noisy?

even if those neighbours were acting within the legal boundaries…. Really?

you would disclose a non issue?

Well said Billyho. The ‘noisy’ neighbours are doing nothing wrong, they are just living their lives and enjoying the kids in the garden with a bit of rare sunshine.
honestly, if you lived in some London tower blocks which are still shaking at 3am with music then you’d know that you are being precious.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 11/06/2023 22:57

Butchyrestingface · 10/06/2023 07:28

It can be changed if the OP persists down the legal route but it takes time.

If she owns her property, she'll need to declare this when trying to sell in the future. Sad

There is no legal route - they are not doing anything wrong.

KangaRue · 11/06/2023 23:03

YANBU if this is a regular occurrence. But I wouldn't be going around to confront them, both as it you're unlikely to be able to keep your cool, and for your safety, as you've no idea how they'll react. Neighbours can't impede your enjoyment of your home. There will be a council or police noise complaints phone line. Keep a diary log of when this is happening, and make recordings from your home so you've evidence.

Crumbcatcher · 11/06/2023 23:09

I'm amazed by how many people think this is okay! I have noisy neighbours and they make my life really stressful. I like hearing kids play, don't mind bbq smells, don't mind a convivial party, but constant cackling laughter and pounding music really upsets me. I'd never play music outside, it's so antisocial. I never hear other neighbours, just this one loud selfish family.

Angrywife · 11/06/2023 23:19

Our neighbours do that every other weekend 🙄
Every week during the summer. Plus the bbq that goes on just after breakfast and is on all day.

Screaming, shouting, thundering up and down stairs, ball slamming against the fence, music, ARGH, it's constant noise. Very draining and very annoying

AmberMcAmber · 11/06/2023 23:20

Record it… keep logs of it all
try to have a decent conversation with them because maybe they are that obnoxious/ignorant/naive to think no one can hear them (previous neighbours used to think because we had trees along our fence, that we couldn’t hear them???? I mean, what?)
man’s then if they continue, share with environmental health team at council. If it’s every day that will affect anyone’s mental health and it’s not on

AmberMcAmber · 11/06/2023 23:21

And then… not man’s lol fucking autocorrect

Blinky21 · 11/06/2023 23:50

I lived in a London tower block, shaking with noise at 3am, I got the neighbour evicted! The UK is way too tolerant of noise and ASB and it really can destroy people's mental health. You have my sympathy OP

Dazedandbemused0 · 11/06/2023 23:59

One persons ‘hollering’ is another person’s ‘kids playing nicely’. Kids make noise. They just do. If you don’t like the normal sounds that happy children make then maybe you need to move so you don’t have neighbours? If my neighbour came round and asked me to stop my children playing in the garden on lovely summer evenings, or to be silent while doing so, it would just make me think they were miserable and grumpy! Id not stop my kids enjoying summer.

truthhurts23 · 12/06/2023 00:06

You sound miserable and jealous

CremeEgg1983 · 12/06/2023 00:36

truthhurts23 · 12/06/2023 00:06

You sound miserable and jealous

Miserable and jealous because she wants a peaceful evening? 🤔

truthhurts23 · 12/06/2023 01:55

CremeEgg1983 · 12/06/2023 00:36

Miserable and jealous because she wants a peaceful evening? 🤔

op can’t control what the neighbours do in their own home , her wants of peaceful evenings do not trump her neighbours wants to have parties in their own garden,

if she wants a noise free life she should live on a hill by herself

CremeEgg1983 · 12/06/2023 02:26

@truthhurts23 I disagree. Considering there is legislation against this sort of nuisance, the OPs rights do trump the neighbours.

OP can report the noise and once investigated, notices can be served. If they still don't listen, they can end up in court.

Delphinium20 · 12/06/2023 02:44

Your neighbors sound entitled and self-absorbed. It sounds miserable to live next to them. YANBU

Amore2023 · 12/06/2023 06:17

Just an observation that OP hasn’t posted since Friday!

Billyho · 12/06/2023 06:18

Crumbcatcher · 11/06/2023 23:09

I'm amazed by how many people think this is okay! I have noisy neighbours and they make my life really stressful. I like hearing kids play, don't mind bbq smells, don't mind a convivial party, but constant cackling laughter and pounding music really upsets me. I'd never play music outside, it's so antisocial. I never hear other neighbours, just this one loud selfish family.

its not illegal, that’s the point! They stopped before the cut off time of 11! Whilst you may never play music outside, clearly some people do!

Shallistayorshalligo · 12/06/2023 09:01

No advise, but I feel for you. Hug.

We live next door to a very noisy family. There are only two pensioners living in that house. But all their three grown up kids visit them nearly every day with their grandchildren (they live near by). There is a swimming pool and lots of screaming days and evenings. But we are lucky to hear very little of that due to position of our house in relation to that neighbor.
There is also a big shed between us and their swimming pool. And from nowhere in my house I can overlook their garden and vice verse.

a couple of days ago I went to visit another neighbor, who lives at the other side of the noisy ones. And OMG, only then I have realized how lucky we are with position of our house. The kids screaming from our mutual neighbors was so bad, I could not enjoy my drink. I feel very sorry for them having to put up with it every day

GlomOfNit · 12/06/2023 09:13

OP is not being unreasonable, she's complaining about consistent antisocial behaviour that happens ALL THE TIME, and Friday night was just the last straw! FFS this isn't hard to understand?

Of course it's not 'illegal' to have a one-off party that finishes before 11pm. But as part of a pattern of behaviour that demonstrates her neighbours are horrible, inconsiderate sods who don't give a shit about anyone around them ... I completely sympathise, OP.

There is so much of this sort of thing nowadays - especially now that everyone seems to have embraced the concept of 'outdoor rooms'. I live next door to people who have friends and kids around every time the sun is shining and the outside temps top about 17 degrees. It's the constant kid-screaming, hollering, multiple dogs barking, BBQ smoke (and weed smoke in the evenings...), or power tools as they're also constantly constructing yet more buildings and structures in their garden (last count, 10!!). None of it (weed aside) is illegal but it's most of the time and we similarly feel we can't rely on peace and quiet in our own garden.

To suggest that we lump it, or find some money and buy a field with a house in the middle of it, is besides the point. Yes, you expect some neighbour noise if you have neighbours, but if you live alongside people, there's a social contract on both sides. Don't be arseholes. Don't have people round EVERY weekend. Don't play your music so loud outdoors that people three doors down can appreciate it. Train your bloody dogs.... etc.

vivainsomnia · 12/06/2023 09:15

The ‘noisy’ neighbours are doing nothing wrong, they are just living their lives and enjoying the kids in the garden with a bit of rare sunshine
It's not about the noise per se, it's about almost daily disturbance and stress ones actions have on someone else.

Because something doesn't disturb you doesn't mean it won't disturb someone else. How would you feel if you worked at night, come home at 7am, and every single day, your neighbour started to play the drums -very badly- on and on all morning and you couldn't sleep and ended up sleep deprived and stressed?

They'd be doing nothing wrong but wouldn't it be reasonable to talk it through and found a way to minimise the stress?

GlomOfNit · 12/06/2023 09:18

Dazedandbemused0 · 11/06/2023 23:59

One persons ‘hollering’ is another person’s ‘kids playing nicely’. Kids make noise. They just do. If you don’t like the normal sounds that happy children make then maybe you need to move so you don’t have neighbours? If my neighbour came round and asked me to stop my children playing in the garden on lovely summer evenings, or to be silent while doing so, it would just make me think they were miserable and grumpy! Id not stop my kids enjoying summer.

Dazedandbemused0 can't you bring your children up to be responsible and considerate of the humans they live alongside, though? If they're making a lot of noise out in the garden every time they're out there, that's unpleasant for your neighbours. Not everyone loves the sound of your lovely kids, sorry.

There's normal play sounds, and then there's constant shouting/screaming/crying. I live with my own kids and I also live alongside them. I can cope with normal kids playing noises but - for instance - no child NEEDS to scream on the trampoline. No child NEEDS to spend two hours hollering at the top of their voice at their friends, not outside. It's not considerate. If you don't teach your children to be considerate of the people they live alongside, they will turn out to be horrible adults that people will try to avoid living next door to.