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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go round to neighbours in the morning?

224 replies

MonkeyDoodles · 09/06/2023 22:45

Because I have totally had enough.
Next door neighbours just had a loud party from 5.30PM to only now just finishing up. Loud screeching and screaming from the kids, hot tub and all the noise that comes from that, DIY also done in the middle of it all. My whole evening has been a write off because of them.
This is constant. Kids range from 4 years to 10 years and scream and holler to each other constantly for hours on end. My other family members don't want to confront them as are worried about causing an argument but I honestly feel it is having a massive impact on my mental health. Aibu to go round there and tell them it's not on even if my family disagree? It is actually unbearable and causing a lot of arguments in my own home.

OP posts:
TheLostNights · 09/06/2023 23:10

OP has clearly said several times that this is an ongoing thing.
Not sure why people are playing dumb...

JandalsAlways · 09/06/2023 23:11

LifeIsPainHighness · 09/06/2023 22:46

Hmm I don’t think a 5 hour party starting at 5pm and ending at 10.30pm on a Friday is all that bad

Oh I thought it was ending at 5am. Well of they're always screaming you could still have a word, but I agree 10.30 is reasonable. I had neighbours who would have a party every week (on a weekday) which was annoying, but they did stop at 10.00 which I thought was reasonable (well, could've been worse).

JustGeorgie · 09/06/2023 23:15

So it's the kids making the noise....screaming and being hyper excited around the hot tub. Before that was it a trampoline?

You won't get much sympathy here op

I'd go with the dart option.

Zuyi · 09/06/2023 23:16

I have twice in my life spoken to neighbours about noise. Both times I regretted it. The most recent time, I was extremely polite but the neighbour replied that they had no intention of doing anything about it. After that, the noise was about 25x more annoying. It was the same frequency and volume, but I took it personally. I used to cry with anger. It really would have been better to say nothing.

Yerroblemom1923 · 09/06/2023 23:16

Pray for rain, OP.... not sure why all the mumsnetters are saying YABU! I v much doubt they'd want it around their way! If you live in close proximity to others you and your family play by the rules, it's not difficult. It's about simple respect. A) tell neighbours you're having a party and B) invite them along - I find that's the best way to get on with your ndns.

SecretSwirrel · 09/06/2023 23:16

MonkeyDoodles · 09/06/2023 22:55

People clearly aren't reading my OP or are being deliberately obtuse. Either that or they are the sort who let their kids holler and scream in the garden every single day with no thought for the neighbours.

Most reasonable people give their kids their kids boundaries including telling them not to scream in the garden.

PrinceHaz · 09/06/2023 23:18

You could feel sone sense of control in this situation by checking out your local council’s policy on noise. Keep a diary if it’s constant and very loud.
I did this when neighbours kept having garden parties till 3/4 in the morning. The noise abatement officer write to them and it stopped.

JustGeorgie · 09/06/2023 23:18

Put Barry manilow on high , on repeat, and go out for the day

Those kids will soon be back inside on screens!

Cherryblossoms85 · 09/06/2023 23:20

They sound awful but you'll achieve nothing. They're uncouth in the first place, so you'll just get a lot of aggro for nothing and they'll probably be even louder to annoy you.

ArgosKettle · 09/06/2023 23:20

I find it so strange that people complain about noise when they have neighbours...If the sound of other people/ music/ DIY bothers you then wouldn't it be best to live rurally so you can enjoy your own peace and quiet?

Music playing for 5 hours and finishing by 10pm on a Friday night is nothing....Get over it you wet blanket!

user1021 · 09/06/2023 23:24

OP you are absolutely not being unreasonable.

Ignore anyone who says 'if you want to live a peaceful life you need to move to the middle of nowhere', they always seem to forget that saying 'if you want to live so loud and selfishly that it affects your neighbours, you should move to the middle of nowhere' actually makes more sense. And most likely they are being defensive as they know they themselves are the sort of arseholes who are obnoxious and loud and couldn't give two hoots about their neighbours.

thedogisstaring · 09/06/2023 23:25

Remaker · 09/06/2023 22:59

I would keep your powder dry on this one OP. You’ve actually got nothing to complain about when it’s a Friday night and finished before 11. If you actually want to achieve something other than just shouting at them because you’re fed up, don’t choose a time when what they did was actually perfectly reasonable. Go round when it’s mid week or they’re still going at midnight. Otherwise they’ll just decide you’re unreasonable.

I came to say the same. If you go round tomorrow it will just be about the party in their mind, and as pointed out, the party tonight alone wasn't unreasonable.
You need to go round when they are genuinely being unreasonable, midweek for example. Going round tomorrow won't achieve anything but a slanging match.

ToBeOrNotToBee · 09/06/2023 23:25

Get up super early, cut the grass, put some music on in your house and go out for the day.
Whats good for the goose.

WhatAmIDoingWrong123 · 09/06/2023 23:25

Remaker · 09/06/2023 22:59

I would keep your powder dry on this one OP. You’ve actually got nothing to complain about when it’s a Friday night and finished before 11. If you actually want to achieve something other than just shouting at them because you’re fed up, don’t choose a time when what they did was actually perfectly reasonable. Go round when it’s mid week or they’re still going at midnight. Otherwise they’ll just decide you’re unreasonable.

I agree with this. Tonight isn’t any sort of issue, it’s Friday and the weather is gorgeous and they had it wrapped up before half 10.

Choose another night when a complaint would be more reasonable, this isn’t it.

Cosycover · 09/06/2023 23:26

They are just living life? Using their hot tub, using their garden. I think YABU.

Go round if you like but what can you even say? Please stay indoors? You don't have a leg to stand on.

Original poster
MonkeyDoodles · 09/06/2023 23:27

Sounds like you are my neighbour @ArgosKettle .
Not sure how many times I need to say it. IT IS LIKE THIS EVERYDAY. Not a one off. Every. Single. Day.
I'm not sure why I have to keep repeating that.

OP posts:
UnfinishedUserna · 09/06/2023 23:35

The 11pm thing isn't even true so I don't know why people still spout that myth. You can complain officially if it unreasonably or substantially interferes with use or enjoyment of your home regardless of the time of day.

Although it's quicker, easier and less stress long term to just move tbh.

To go round to neighbours in the morning?
StarDolphins · 09/06/2023 23:35

It’s not breaking the law No but there’s absolutely no way I would be letting my child scream & shout at 10pm. No way. I have manners, I like my neighbours & want them to enjoy their garden too & I definitely wouldn’t inflict that on the neighbours. Just because it’s legal doesn’t make it right.

If they’re reasonable people, I would go round tomorrow & have a polite word. If they’re not, I would get up at the ‘legal’ time in the morning & whack the Macarena on full blast in the garden.

Whacker · 09/06/2023 23:36

I have CF pa neighbours so I really sympathise but no good will come of going round as others have said, as unreasonable as it is on a daily basis they are not strictly doing anything wrong which is no consolation I know. Personally I’d love a moat with alligators but I like to be near shops so…

Thisweeksname · 09/06/2023 23:42

i would borrow a huge speaker and play something loud on repeat all day. Then when they complain, say their noise bothers you too

Lilbunnyfufu · 09/06/2023 23:42

UnfinishedUserna · 09/06/2023 23:35

The 11pm thing isn't even true so I don't know why people still spout that myth. You can complain officially if it unreasonably or substantially interferes with use or enjoyment of your home regardless of the time of day.

Although it's quicker, easier and less stress long term to just move tbh.

I get the 11pm from my tenancy agreement from the council.

I haven't got it to hand right now but it says music can be played between 7am and 11pm.
It says after 11pm you shouldn't be able to hear the music outside your own property.

continentallentil · 09/06/2023 23:45

You mean it’s literally so noisy it sounds like they’re having a party every day - music, adults yelling, or just kids being noisy?

I think you can certainly go round and ask, but you need to be specific about what you want eg can you avoid them playing outside before 8am and also get them to stop actually screaming.

lemmein · 09/06/2023 23:45

Thisweeksname · 09/06/2023 23:42

i would borrow a huge speaker and play something loud on repeat all day. Then when they complain, say their noise bothers you too

I did this with PITA neighbours in the 90s. Turned my speakers to the wall - put the Teletubbies theme tune on repeat and went out for the day.

I get it's massively frustrating OP but I wouldn't choose this particular occasion to complain.

User1438423 · 09/06/2023 23:50

You are being unreasonable. We have had unseasonably good weather for weeks. The kind of weather people want to make the most of and socialise in their garden. 10:30 is when it gets dark, if's perfectly reasonable. I live in a terraced house. Sometimes my neighbours kids annoy me, sometimes their music annoys me, but equally, I'm sure I annoy them too.

Rapidtango · 09/06/2023 23:52

'if you want to live so loud and selfishly that it affects your neighbours, you should move to the middle of nowhere' actually makes more sense.

This. Absolutely this. People who are not arseholes and live their lives without impacting too much on others can live in close proximity. People who care not a jot for anyone else need to live in isolation so their selfish behaviour doesn't affect anyone else.

It's 'quiet enjoyment ', not 'it's my garden so I'll do what I fucking well please.'

The OP has as much right to expect peace and quiet to live her life in the way she would like.

Just imagine if everyone decided they were too special to follow the societal rules of decent behaviour, the rules that allow everyone to coexist peacefully - everyone plays loud music, allows their kids to scream, kick balls against fences etc etc. What a hellhole our lives would be.