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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU unreasonable to ask houseguest not to use the hairdryer at 1.30 am?

377 replies

houseguesthair · 09/06/2023 09:27

I have a friend staying in my flat with her friend. Haven't seen them much as they're out visiting during the day till late and I'm at work during the day. It's a smallish city flat - 3 bedrooms.

Friend and her friend got back late last night and took long showers around midnight - I don't have an issue with that but wouldn't have done it at someone else's house if I thought they could hear and knew they were working the next day.

I then heard what I thought was the hairdryer about an hour later, I waited 10 minutes and it was still going so I got up and told friend of friend who was giving herself a bona fida blow dry in the bathroom next to my bedroom that it was too late to be using the hairdryer and that it was too loud for me and for the neighbors as she also had the window open. She grudgingly stopped and turned it off.

This morning I asked her while I was making coffee if she had slept well, she replied no in a really passive agressive way that she hadn't slept well because she had wet hair and had gotten bitten by mosquitos.

WIBU to ask her to turn the hairdryer off at 1.30 am? She seemed really pissed off with me this morning - even though I'm putting them up for free in a very expensive city for 5 days...

OP posts:
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Original poster
houseguesthair · 09/06/2023 09:30

I'm asking because if she's not politer and more pleasant this evening I'm going to ask them to leave. I'm not up for hosting a rude inconsiderate woman even if she is a friend of friend. She didn't even bring a bottle of wine.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 09/06/2023 09:33

I would be livid, and like you, I would happily ask them to leave. Fucking hell, the nerve and cheek of some people is just staggering.

readingismycardio · 09/06/2023 09:34

What a pair of CFs! Of course YANBU!!!

DifficultBloodyWoman · 09/06/2023 09:34

I’m with you.

Many moons ago, my housemate brought some mate around after a night out for a sleepover. They made so much noise whilst ‘trying’ to be quiet that it woke me up. I put up with it for about half an hour and then got out of bed and asked them if they had to work tomorrow. I certainly did!

Housemate was very pissed off and ignored me for a few days.

Don’t wake up the person who pays the rent/mortgage!

bussteward · 09/06/2023 09:34

What a rude person she is!

WhatADrabCarpet · 09/06/2023 09:34

Given the atmosphere in your home, now, I'd ask them to leave.
Sounds like their using you for free accommodation anyway.

readbooksdrinktea · 09/06/2023 09:37

houseguesthair · 09/06/2023 09:30

I'm asking because if she's not politer and more pleasant this evening I'm going to ask them to leave. I'm not up for hosting a rude inconsiderate woman even if she is a friend of friend. She didn't even bring a bottle of wine.

She's not even your friend? Tell her to get a hotel. Rude and entitled. I'd be pissed off.

Next time don't offer.

NigellaAwesome · 09/06/2023 09:38

I'd be asking her to leave.

readbooksdrinktea · 09/06/2023 09:39

I see now your friend is there too. She should have made sure this situation didn't arise IMO, bringing a stranger to you into your home.

Spidertights · 09/06/2023 09:41

I hope her mosquito bites get infected.

ginghamstarfish · 09/06/2023 09:56

Please do ask her to leave. CFs like this need telling, and to reap the consequences, as far too many of them get away with it.

Original poster
houseguesthair · 09/06/2023 09:56

@Spidertights made me laugh! To be honest the mosquitos here are absolute bastards this year so it is a possibility.

I just wanted to check because I've been seething since this morning and was wondering if I was maybe being slightly unreasonable - she does have long thick hair - but if it needs drying she shouldn't have washed it at midnight... She was also using my hairdryer ....

I'm surprised because friend has visited before with lovely people but this woman is just unpleasant - from the moment she walked in actually she barley said hello to me.

About to text friend but not sure how to word it so the message is at the same time very clear that

-Her friend is not welcome here because my home is my castle with my rulz

  • That it's basic decency to not make noise at 1am
  • That she (actual friend) is welcome back anytime with the more lovely sort of friends she usually has

It's going to be a pain in the arse for them because they won't find even a basic hotel room for under 150 a night here and they're planning on staying another 4 nights but I seriously don't care. I just found the friend of friend so ungrateful and rude this morning.

OP posts:
Codlingmoths · 09/06/2023 10:00

Wow that is ungracious of her. I’m a regular late showerer but I wouldn’t dream of doing this staying at someone’s place!! Nothing wrong with having boundaries op, Confucius say rude fuckers lose free accomodation!

SpicedPumpkinLatte · 09/06/2023 10:02

She was rude not to bring a bottle of wine and, arguably, to have used the hair dryer.

On the shower point, it would have been minging to be out in the city all day and then get into bed without showering. I understand some people do this but I think it's gross, especially if they're then getting into my guest bed!

I'm on the fence about the hair dryer. It's generally white noise and I'd make accommodations for a guest.

But not bringing a bottle of wine or similar is reason enough to be pissed off.

KiwiMum2023 · 09/06/2023 10:02

No way would I put up with that in my home. Tell the pair of them to pack up and go. You’re not being unreasonable here.

Hazelnuttella · 09/06/2023 10:04

Hi friend,

I’m always happy for you to stay, and you
usually bring lovely people.

However i’m not happy for other friend to continuing staying, so she will need to find somewhere else to stay tonight.

She has been really rude and inconsiderate considering I’ve provided her with free accommodation.

BlondeFool · 09/06/2023 10:05

houseguesthair · 09/06/2023 09:27

I have a friend staying in my flat with her friend. Haven't seen them much as they're out visiting during the day till late and I'm at work during the day. It's a smallish city flat - 3 bedrooms.

Friend and her friend got back late last night and took long showers around midnight - I don't have an issue with that but wouldn't have done it at someone else's house if I thought they could hear and knew they were working the next day.

I then heard what I thought was the hairdryer about an hour later, I waited 10 minutes and it was still going so I got up and told friend of friend who was giving herself a bona fida blow dry in the bathroom next to my bedroom that it was too late to be using the hairdryer and that it was too loud for me and for the neighbors as she also had the window open. She grudgingly stopped and turned it off.

This morning I asked her while I was making coffee if she had slept well, she replied no in a really passive agressive way that she hadn't slept well because she had wet hair and had gotten bitten by mosquitos.

WIBU to ask her to turn the hairdryer off at 1.30 am? She seemed really pissed off with me this morning - even though I'm putting them up for free in a very expensive city for 5 days...

Wow. Cheeky fuckers. So rude.

BringMeTea · 09/06/2023 10:05

Get them out the horrible pair of users.

Original poster
houseguesthair · 09/06/2023 10:07

@SpicedPumpkinLatte I don't mind about the showers - I get it - but they weren't just quick wash off from the day in the city showers - I don't know who showed first but both of them together took over an hour .... Also no issue with her using my hairdryer - I would have asked though if I was staying with a friend of a friend I didn't know ... A hairdryer at past 1am in a silent flat makes a lot of noise though... I really hate the sound as well and with the windows open the whole courtyard could hear..

Anyway I'm wording my text

OP posts:
NeedToChangeName · 09/06/2023 10:09

She was ignorant / inconsiderate

But I wouldn't ask them to leave, as that would probably end your relationship with your actual friend. In her shoes, I'd be really upset with you

But this is MN, where there's an interesting mix / combination of (1) people who are quick to end friendships and (2) people who wonder why they don't have a big circle of friends

TheNoodlesIncident · 09/06/2023 10:10

Her attitude stinks. If I'd disturbed the host who was kindly offering me free accommodation, I'd be very apologetic and genuinely rueful. I certainly would never turn up empty handed in the first place, although maybe she plans on getting you something when she knows you a little better (eg knows whether you like flowers/wine/chocolates).

But she could have held off washing her hair until the morning and showered keeping it dry last night, as it was so late. I just can't comprehend being snotty about anything if I was being hosted for free. It's so entitled! I wouldn't blame you for giving her her marching orders. Awful behaviour.

Butchyrestingface · 09/06/2023 10:11

Friend and her friend got back late last night and took long showers around midnight

They both took the long showers so they are both inconsiderate mares.

Original poster
houseguesthair · 09/06/2023 10:11

@Hazelnuttella

Thanks, how does this sound

Hi friend,

I’m always happy for you to stay, and you usually bring lovely people.

However given CFF behavior and attitude I don't see us making any happy memories this time round.

It's not going to work for me having her staying so I need you to find alternative accommodation from this evening.

Hope we can catch up soon.

houseguesthair

OP posts:
CaloundraBlues · 09/06/2023 10:12

NeedToChangeName · 09/06/2023 10:09

She was ignorant / inconsiderate

But I wouldn't ask them to leave, as that would probably end your relationship with your actual friend. In her shoes, I'd be really upset with you

But this is MN, where there's an interesting mix / combination of (1) people who are quick to end friendships and (2) people who wonder why they don't have a big circle of friends

This person is not her friend, it's her friend's friend so if her actual friend ends the friendship over this, then she's not OPs friend. No way would I take long showers and put the hairdryer on in the early hours of the morning in someone else's home.

(so many friends)

LookItsMeAgain · 09/06/2023 10:15

Give them an ultimatum - they can stay the remaining 4 days but as it's your home, they follow your house rules. If they don't like the rules, they are free to leave and find somewhere else to stay.
That's fairly straightforward.

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