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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU unreasonable to ask houseguest not to use the hairdryer at 1.30 am?

377 replies

houseguesthair · 09/06/2023 09:27

I have a friend staying in my flat with her friend. Haven't seen them much as they're out visiting during the day till late and I'm at work during the day. It's a smallish city flat - 3 bedrooms.

Friend and her friend got back late last night and took long showers around midnight - I don't have an issue with that but wouldn't have done it at someone else's house if I thought they could hear and knew they were working the next day.

I then heard what I thought was the hairdryer about an hour later, I waited 10 minutes and it was still going so I got up and told friend of friend who was giving herself a bona fida blow dry in the bathroom next to my bedroom that it was too late to be using the hairdryer and that it was too loud for me and for the neighbors as she also had the window open. She grudgingly stopped and turned it off.

This morning I asked her while I was making coffee if she had slept well, she replied no in a really passive agressive way that she hadn't slept well because she had wet hair and had gotten bitten by mosquitos.

WIBU to ask her to turn the hairdryer off at 1.30 am? She seemed really pissed off with me this morning - even though I'm putting them up for free in a very expensive city for 5 days...

OP posts:
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FannyFifer · 09/06/2023 10:15

I think your actual friend is pretty cheeky as well.
I presume you live in a desirable area/tourist area.
How often does friend stay, does she offer money?
She had a shower as well at that time so equally out of order, knowing you are working.
What are you getting out of these people staying?

Hazelnuttella · 09/06/2023 10:15

I think that’s a good message - makes the point but still nice to actual friend.

Butchyrestingface · 09/06/2023 10:15

It's not going to work for me having her staying so I need you to find alternative accommodation from this evening.

I'm all for making them pay through the nose but is that doable?

I'd have said from tomorrow and I'm a hard ass.

EamonsPalliativeCareTracksuit · 09/06/2023 10:15

Perfect.

bibbityboppityboo · 09/06/2023 10:17

That's a really good message OP!

Also in your friends shoes, I'd have told my friend not to use the hairdryer so not to wake our host - she could have stepped in.

Hour long showers at midnight + blow drying hair in the room next to where your host is sleeping? Very entitled and inconsiderate!

Original poster
houseguesthair · 09/06/2023 10:18

@NeedToChangeName I know that asking her to leave is a big one but I'm frankly pissed off - I have houseguests maybe 60% of the time ( spare bedrooms in a city does that to you) and I usually really enjoy it and think I'm a good host, I've met amazing friends of friends and find that only perhaps 5% of people are piss takers.

Most people especially if I don't know them that well are a dream to host, use minimal towels, strip their beds, leave nice things in the fridge and sometimes even cook for me if I get late back from work - special shout out to one lovely friend of a friend who quietly knocked on my bedroom door the first morning to ask if I like coffee and then spent the rest of her week bringing me coffee in bed ....

I don't want to loose this friend and I think that our friendship (that goes back to secondary school) is strong enough to overcome. But her friend is just really really grating on me

OP posts:
PinkyFlamingo · 09/06/2023 10:19

How can someone people be so ungrateful and entitled? Don't get it

Butchyrestingface · 09/06/2023 10:20

I have houseguests maybe 60% of the time ( spare bedrooms in a city does that to you) and I usually really enjoy it and think I'm a good host, I've met amazing friends of friends and find that only perhaps 5% of people are piss takers.

Sakes alive, woman - are you charging them?? (you should be).

I quite fancy a wee city break myself...

CaptainMum · 09/06/2023 10:25

Your text sends a clear message about your boundaries to your friend. That you're happy to host, but it is at your discretion and a rude attitude will not be tolerated.

Original poster
houseguesthair · 09/06/2023 10:27

@FannyFifer I get to stay at her place in her equally touristy expensive city ...

Okay so reading here what I'm going to do is change tactics - out by this evening is a hard one and an absolute punch to the wallet ( and you're right I don't want to do that to my actual friend who did bring ma a thoughtful gift) so I'm going to say

Hi Friend,

You know that I'm always happy to host you and that we've had some amazing times. But I'm really not happy about having been woken up by CF and the hairdryer. I felt disrespected in my own home. CF also does not seem happy to be staying somewhere she can't use a hairdryer or make noise at 1am. If this is really important to her I suggest she looks for a hotel. I'm working next week too and on top of needing to sleep I don't want to piss my neighbors off. Please explain to CF that she needs to either be more considerate and make minimal noise after 10pm or find somewhere else to stay. I'd also appreciate her making an effort to at least not be rude to me in my own home.

See you this evening

Houseguesthair

OP posts:
Original poster
houseguesthair · 09/06/2023 10:28

@Butchyrestingface Don't charge them but do get to stay in all their various cities for free .... ;-)

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 09/06/2023 10:30

houseguesthair · 09/06/2023 10:27

@FannyFifer I get to stay at her place in her equally touristy expensive city ...

Okay so reading here what I'm going to do is change tactics - out by this evening is a hard one and an absolute punch to the wallet ( and you're right I don't want to do that to my actual friend who did bring ma a thoughtful gift) so I'm going to say

Hi Friend,

You know that I'm always happy to host you and that we've had some amazing times. But I'm really not happy about having been woken up by CF and the hairdryer. I felt disrespected in my own home. CF also does not seem happy to be staying somewhere she can't use a hairdryer or make noise at 1am. If this is really important to her I suggest she looks for a hotel. I'm working next week too and on top of needing to sleep I don't want to piss my neighbors off. Please explain to CF that she needs to either be more considerate and make minimal noise after 10pm or find somewhere else to stay. I'd also appreciate her making an effort to at least not be rude to me in my own home.

See you this evening

Houseguesthair

I think this is the better option this is what I'd send

LakeTiticaca · 09/06/2023 10:30

I wouldn't throw her out immediately but I would speak to her in a nice way to say please don't make noise at that time of night and disturb me and my neighbours. If this woman gives an arsey response then draw the battle lines immediately and tell her to pack and leave.
Btw having guests in your home 60% of the time?
You must be either a very friendly and social person or a complete doormat ( no offence intended) I seriously couldn't deal with that . I like my own space and once or twice a year would be more than enough for me!!

Daffodil92 · 09/06/2023 10:32

YANBU! Cheeky fucking bitch. You’re not an air BNB! I am mortified for her!

Bobbybobbins · 09/06/2023 10:37

Excellent message OP

Original poster
houseguesthair · 09/06/2023 10:38

@LakeTiticaca to be fair, I have a partner who lives a 10 minute walk away and am often at their place and I also travel a lot for work so if I didn't host as much I'd feel guilty for having an empty flat ... I also went to an international school then studied in different countries so it's a thing having people staying the whole time in our circles. Some of my guests leave money for the cleaning lady, some of them take me out for nice dinners, some gift me airbnb vouchers of what they would have spent so I can have a weekend away. I always make sure to block of time with no one around a couple of weekends a month, but honestly durning the week I'm out of the house pretty much from 8 am till 9pm most days because of work so it's no problem at all ( apart from the cheeky fuckers who blow dry their hair at 1am). Also, because people are so happy to be here, it means my flat is full fo peoples happy memories and thats a nice feeling.

OP posts:
Original poster
houseguesthair · 09/06/2023 10:38

Text sent.

OP posts:
Sothisisitthen · 09/06/2023 10:38

Please send that latest message, and if this woman is still rude you need to actually follow through and kick her out!

WakeMeUpWhenGoodOmensIsBack · 09/06/2023 10:40

I agree with second approach. Kicking her out immediately is the MN answer but in the real world is very harsh and would alienate your good friend.

Can you not find an opportunity to talk to your friend in person privately?

Original poster
houseguesthair · 09/06/2023 10:41

@WakeMeUpWhenGoodOmensIsBack I've sent the text and will try and catch friend alone this evening. I can see her typing a reply to text.

OP posts:
dearJayne · 09/06/2023 10:44

I would have told her to be out by that night.

How dare someone walk into your home and create an atmosphere.

SistersNotCisters · 09/06/2023 10:44

houseguesthair · 09/06/2023 10:27

@FannyFifer I get to stay at her place in her equally touristy expensive city ...

Okay so reading here what I'm going to do is change tactics - out by this evening is a hard one and an absolute punch to the wallet ( and you're right I don't want to do that to my actual friend who did bring ma a thoughtful gift) so I'm going to say

Hi Friend,

You know that I'm always happy to host you and that we've had some amazing times. But I'm really not happy about having been woken up by CF and the hairdryer. I felt disrespected in my own home. CF also does not seem happy to be staying somewhere she can't use a hairdryer or make noise at 1am. If this is really important to her I suggest she looks for a hotel. I'm working next week too and on top of needing to sleep I don't want to piss my neighbors off. Please explain to CF that she needs to either be more considerate and make minimal noise after 10pm or find somewhere else to stay. I'd also appreciate her making an effort to at least not be rude to me in my own home.

See you this evening

Houseguesthair

Now that is perfect. It gives your friend the chance to have a word and sort it out but it also lets her know that you will not be disrespected in your own home by a freeloading cheeky mare.
The other message telling them to gtfo would have ruined a perfectly good friendship.

Now the reply and the way they continue will be what settles it. Will they get to stay or will CFer be out on her ear?

Elieza · 09/06/2023 10:48

Good text OP
yeah I too would try and grab friend later just to make sure she understands it’s not just you but others also around your courtyard who are still working as usual while she/CF ate our galavanting and arriving home late. And that now they understand you hope you can all be cheery again and no grumping or bad feeling.

MiniMileaway · 09/06/2023 10:49

Urgh. What a disparaging, toe curlingly disrespectful knob!
How did you respond when he spoke so disgustingly about your mum??

Maddy70 · 09/06/2023 10:49

Terribly rude and entitled. Have a word with your friend