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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU unreasonable to ask houseguest not to use the hairdryer at 1.30 am?

377 replies

houseguesthair · 09/06/2023 09:27

I have a friend staying in my flat with her friend. Haven't seen them much as they're out visiting during the day till late and I'm at work during the day. It's a smallish city flat - 3 bedrooms.

Friend and her friend got back late last night and took long showers around midnight - I don't have an issue with that but wouldn't have done it at someone else's house if I thought they could hear and knew they were working the next day.

I then heard what I thought was the hairdryer about an hour later, I waited 10 minutes and it was still going so I got up and told friend of friend who was giving herself a bona fida blow dry in the bathroom next to my bedroom that it was too late to be using the hairdryer and that it was too loud for me and for the neighbors as she also had the window open. She grudgingly stopped and turned it off.

This morning I asked her while I was making coffee if she had slept well, she replied no in a really passive agressive way that she hadn't slept well because she had wet hair and had gotten bitten by mosquitos.

WIBU to ask her to turn the hairdryer off at 1.30 am? She seemed really pissed off with me this morning - even though I'm putting them up for free in a very expensive city for 5 days...

OP posts:
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LadyJ2023 · 09/06/2023 12:20

If that happened in our house I'm sorry but they would be asked to leave. No consideration for you or anybody else means they don't actually care

Comefromaway · 09/06/2023 12:21

It wouldn't bother me BUT that's only because the main bathroom and guest bedroom is the other end of the landing and when I have my bedroom door closed I can't hear anything from there.

When both of my kids (19 & 21) are home their bedrooms are opposite the main bathroom/near to each other & the guest room so we have a no showers, hairdryers, music not through headphones, kitchen appliances rule after 11pm.

EL8888 · 09/06/2023 12:31

@houseguesthair loving your work! Good on you for challenging. Who dries their hair at 1am on a work night, at someone’s else’s home with the hosts hair dryer?! Rude, annoying and CF

Isolationendurance · 09/06/2023 12:31

It's amazing how entitled people can be.

Mariposista · 09/06/2023 12:32

Is she actually 15 years old? How socially unaware can you be?!

Berthatydfil · 09/06/2023 12:34

I think your friend should have been a bit more forceful rather than allowing herself to be fobbed off by the CF hair friend, and just going to bed with headphones on.

nettie434 · 09/06/2023 12:40

For me, it's the reaction to your request that would irritate me. Using a hairdryer and having at long shower at 1am could be just thoughtlessness - especially if she lives on her own - but to react like that when she is a guest and your hospitality is saving her a lot of money is really bad manners. Luckily your friend has reacted perfectly. It will be interesting to see if makes any difference to her friend's behaviour.

SleepingStandingUp · 09/06/2023 12:41

houseguesthair · 09/06/2023 09:56

@Spidertights made me laugh! To be honest the mosquitos here are absolute bastards this year so it is a possibility.

I just wanted to check because I've been seething since this morning and was wondering if I was maybe being slightly unreasonable - she does have long thick hair - but if it needs drying she shouldn't have washed it at midnight... She was also using my hairdryer ....

I'm surprised because friend has visited before with lovely people but this woman is just unpleasant - from the moment she walked in actually she barley said hello to me.

About to text friend but not sure how to word it so the message is at the same time very clear that

-Her friend is not welcome here because my home is my castle with my rulz

  • That it's basic decency to not make noise at 1am
  • That she (actual friend) is welcome back anytime with the more lovely sort of friends she usually has

It's going to be a pain in the arse for them because they won't find even a basic hotel room for under 150 a night here and they're planning on staying another 4 nights but I seriously don't care. I just found the friend of friend so ungrateful and rude this morning.

i get she was rude, and unreasonable but i do think kicking them both out on the street after one grumpy-arse reply is a bit overkill but typical MN who places a very low value on friendships.

you asked a question, and she answered it. If i'm exhausted cos i've been awake half the night i'm probably less friendly then after a good snooze so i'd put the answer this morning down to tiredness and let it go.

If you throw your friend out today, it IS going to ruin your friendship

billy1966 · 09/06/2023 12:42

OP,

Your friend sounds nice BUT she has brought an ignorant twat to your home.

Not cool.

Your first trip away with someone should not be such a huge imposition of 5 nights in the home of a good friend IMO.

Your good friend should know better and appreciate your huge hospitality enough not to bring a disrespectful rude pig to your home!

I think you need to make that point to her.

Her friend is the type of entitled twat that thinks that being put up is nothing.
Fxxk that!

Years ago I shared an apartment and my flatmate had a friend and her boyfriend to visit and stay.

She came back a bit earlier with her friend on the first night and he stayed on in the local bar.
He came home late, left the front door wide open, clearly pissed.

I found the door open and told my flatmate, neither of us were impressed.

She mentioned it politely enough and he actually said "chill out" to her.

My flatmate did chill out, right after she told him to "get his shit together and get out of my flat".

Her friend was mortified and left with him.

They apparently had a huge row and she abandoned him and turned up at ours later.

When you are bringing someone to the house of another person, you are responsible for their behaviour.

Your friend needs to realise that.

I think she should be telling her to buck up and apologise, or leave.

Either way I wouldn't put up with such hugely generous hospitality being abused by them.

I would learn from this re what type of friends of friends come.

SleepingStandingUp · 09/06/2023 12:45

houseguesthair · 09/06/2023 10:55

Friend has replied

I'm so sorry. I got fed up of her long showering last night, I tried to interrupt her but she just went back to the shower and then I put my headphones in so didn't hear the hairdryer. She's been in a huff since this morning so I'm visiting x on my own. This is the first time I've been away with her, I had no idea how high maintenance she is. I'm slightly broke so not up for having to shell out on half a hotel with her to be honest but will talk to her before we get back and tell her I'm unhappy with her behavior and that she needs to behave better. I think she has a cousin here so if she doesn't buck up I'll tell her she needs to go and either get a hotel or stay there. Thanks for putting up with it this morning.

i missed these. good actual text and reply. enjoy tongihts wine.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 09/06/2023 12:46

So Friend is going to talk to FoF, after which OP shoulld get a massive apology from FoF. Hands up all those who thinks she'll get one.

Hollyppp · 09/06/2023 12:57

houseguesthair · 09/06/2023 09:30

I'm asking because if she's not politer and more pleasant this evening I'm going to ask them to leave. I'm not up for hosting a rude inconsiderate woman even if she is a friend of friend. She didn't even bring a bottle of wine.

Ask her to leave, this is not considerate house guest behaviour!!!

howlismoving · 09/06/2023 13:00

@houseguesthair your friend sounds great and handled this really well so far! I wouldn't even use a hairdryer at that time in my own house incase it disturbs neighbours so not sure what she was thinking! Very rude!

DelphiniumBlue · 09/06/2023 13:01

It's not so much the noise, or the helping herself to your hairdryer, but the fact that she didn't apologise and on the contrary, is causing an atmosphere .
I'd make it clear to original friend that it is the rudeness of her friend in general which is the problem.
If she had said " oh I'm really sorry, didn't realise I'd made so much noise" and been friendly the next morning, all this would have blown over. But she's chosen to make an issue out of it.

Flustercuckoo · 09/06/2023 13:08

Shameless placemark to see what happens later.

BeverlyBrook · 09/06/2023 13:10

Ooh I want to know what happens this evening!
Perfect text, and good reply from nice friend

userxx · 09/06/2023 13:15

Massively taking the piss.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 09/06/2023 13:27

It's good to see by your friends reply that she is on the same page
FOF is ignorant and disrespectful
Friend has seen FOF true colours too

1037370E · 09/06/2023 13:27

Your friend seems to be getting off lightly IMO. She's the one who brought this person into your home, also had long showers etc, so she should have said something for example, when the hairdryer went on. Perhaps by not saying anything, as the person who knows you best, she gave the impression that it was okay. If I took friend A to visit friend B and friend A acted like a CF, I would soon set them straight. Friend B wouldn't have to say a word.

readbooksdrinktea · 09/06/2023 13:51

Your friend seems to be getting off lightly IMO.

I agree a bit. I don't understand why she took a friend she'd never travelled with and didn't know that well ('high maintenance'] to another friend's house to stay for free. That's pretty risky, as she has realised. Plus, she also showered late and for a long time, you said. Her judgement seems off at least.

Lenor · 09/06/2023 13:52

Sorry to derail but goodness, I didn’t realise it was expected that you bring a gift in these situations. I’ve stayed with people regularly (and returned the favour) and always given them a thank you gift, but I don’t always turn up with it in my hands! Sometimes we treat them to a meal, buy something in the place we’re visiting. Leave flowers, wine or chocolates etc. If anything I’d give something edible on my way home so they don’t feel obliged to share it with me!

I’m cringing at everyone thinking I’m a CF because the gift isn’t apparent the minute they open the door to me.

RockGirl · 09/06/2023 13:55

Lenor · 09/06/2023 13:52

Sorry to derail but goodness, I didn’t realise it was expected that you bring a gift in these situations. I’ve stayed with people regularly (and returned the favour) and always given them a thank you gift, but I don’t always turn up with it in my hands! Sometimes we treat them to a meal, buy something in the place we’re visiting. Leave flowers, wine or chocolates etc. If anything I’d give something edible on my way home so they don’t feel obliged to share it with me!

I’m cringing at everyone thinking I’m a CF because the gift isn’t apparent the minute they open the door to me.

Yes me too. The gift normally comes at the end not the start.

HideousKinky · 09/06/2023 13:56

I would always bring a gift on arrival and also make sure I paid for dinner at least once during my stay

RedToothBrush · 09/06/2023 14:00

This morning I asked her while I was making coffee if she had slept well, she replied no in a really passive agressive way that she hadn't slept well because she had wet hair and had gotten bitten by mosquitos.

"Oh that's a shame. I heard they only bite people who have bad karma. I didn't get bitten by any. Perhaps it's because I'm letting my friend let her passive aggressive rude mate stay for free."

HaveSomeIntrospect · 09/06/2023 14:09

You and your friend sound lovely