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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU unreasonable to ask houseguest not to use the hairdryer at 1.30 am?

377 replies

houseguesthair · 09/06/2023 09:27

I have a friend staying in my flat with her friend. Haven't seen them much as they're out visiting during the day till late and I'm at work during the day. It's a smallish city flat - 3 bedrooms.

Friend and her friend got back late last night and took long showers around midnight - I don't have an issue with that but wouldn't have done it at someone else's house if I thought they could hear and knew they were working the next day.

I then heard what I thought was the hairdryer about an hour later, I waited 10 minutes and it was still going so I got up and told friend of friend who was giving herself a bona fida blow dry in the bathroom next to my bedroom that it was too late to be using the hairdryer and that it was too loud for me and for the neighbors as she also had the window open. She grudgingly stopped and turned it off.

This morning I asked her while I was making coffee if she had slept well, she replied no in a really passive agressive way that she hadn't slept well because she had wet hair and had gotten bitten by mosquitos.

WIBU to ask her to turn the hairdryer off at 1.30 am? She seemed really pissed off with me this morning - even though I'm putting them up for free in a very expensive city for 5 days...

OP posts:
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Seasonofthewitch83 · 09/06/2023 11:18

For the sake of my lovely friend I would try and start fresh this evening with a bottle of wine and dinner and hope for no more bad manners.

amusedbush · 09/06/2023 11:24

MavisMcMinty · 09/06/2023 11:15

Who TF washes and blowdries their hair before going to bed?!?!? YANBU.

I do. I'm not a morning person and no matter how sincerely I promise myself that I'll get up early and wash my hair in the morning, I will not do it. I only need to wash it once or twice a week anyway so it makes no difference to how it looks/feels.

However, the guest is a CF of the highest order. I'd go berserk if someone woke me up with a hairdryer after 1am!

Nothingisblackandwhite · 09/06/2023 11:28

Just take the hairdryer to your room . She is an entitled moo 🐮! If she carries on being rude tell her to go

Zonder · 09/06/2023 11:28

Good result from your friend. Bet she's glad she's staying with you and not away on her own with CF.

FrostyFifi · 09/06/2023 11:31

Your friend sounds lovely. I'm glad you sent the second text - you don't want to be falling out with her over a not very pleasant third party, glad she's on your side with this one.

Cosycover · 09/06/2023 11:33

You have handled this perfectly.

Hope you can have a nice night with your friend.

MavisMcMinty · 09/06/2023 11:33

amusedbush · 09/06/2023 11:24

I do. I'm not a morning person and no matter how sincerely I promise myself that I'll get up early and wash my hair in the morning, I will not do it. I only need to wash it once or twice a week anyway so it makes no difference to how it looks/feels.

However, the guest is a CF of the highest order. I'd go berserk if someone woke me up with a hairdryer after 1am!

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Well if it works for you… but in my case sleeping on just washed hair completely negates any of the careful styling/drying I’ve done and I wake up with bed hair.

spiderlight · 09/06/2023 11:36

That sounds like a good outcome from your friend - better than if you'd sent the first text booting them both out. Hopefully she'll be able to persuade her friend to sort herself out or go and stay with her cousin so you can enjoy the rest of the visit.

JaukiVexnoydi · 09/06/2023 11:37

Glad to see that your actual friend is in full agreement with you!
Good luck for tonight.

KimberleyClark · 09/06/2023 11:40

MavisMcMinty · 09/06/2023 11:33

Well if it works for you… but in my case sleeping on just washed hair completely negates any of the careful styling/drying I’ve done and I wake up with bed hair.

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Me too.

Autumntree · 09/06/2023 11:41

I would've already asked them to leave. Both of them!

monsteramunch · 09/06/2023 11:41

You and your friend both sound lovely.

I hope Mardy McBlowdry behaves better today so she doesn't cause you both any more stress.

Daffodil92 · 09/06/2023 11:42

Great response from friend-seems like you two are on the same page 👍🏻
With a bit of luck, new friend will fuck off to her cousins and leave you and your friend to have wine without her souring the atmosphere.

rainbowstardrops · 09/06/2023 11:42

Great response from your friend. It seems she's pissed off with the cheeky friend too.

Worryaboutwork · 09/06/2023 11:49

houseguesthair · 09/06/2023 10:55

Friend has replied

I'm so sorry. I got fed up of her long showering last night, I tried to interrupt her but she just went back to the shower and then I put my headphones in so didn't hear the hairdryer. She's been in a huff since this morning so I'm visiting x on my own. This is the first time I've been away with her, I had no idea how high maintenance she is. I'm slightly broke so not up for having to shell out on half a hotel with her to be honest but will talk to her before we get back and tell her I'm unhappy with her behavior and that she needs to behave better. I think she has a cousin here so if she doesn't buck up I'll tell her she needs to go and either get a hotel or stay there. Thanks for putting up with it this morning.

Just read this thread.... This is a really reasonable reply and it sounds like your friend truly values your friendship and is embarrassed and apologetic on behalf of CF.

Worryaboutwork · 09/06/2023 11:53

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

South Asians do this too! We once had a guest who complained to my aunt that my mum didn't serve them tea or biscuits when they came. My aunt said didn't she offer? That is very unlike her as she always puts on a good spread. The guest said she did but she only asked me twice and then didn't try to convince me so I couldn't say yes 🤣🤣🤣🤣 We still laugh about this!

Lacucuracha · 09/06/2023 11:56

Whose is the hairdryer? Can you confiscate it?

Original poster
houseguesthair · 09/06/2023 11:58

@Achwheesht @Worryaboutwork Not Irish! Friend is originally from China (but has been in Europe for over 20 years and is 100% European) Friend of friend is originally from Croatia but has also been in Western Europe for 15 years...

OP posts:
Coolhwip · 09/06/2023 11:58

Worryaboutwork · 09/06/2023 11:53

South Asians do this too! We once had a guest who complained to my aunt that my mum didn't serve them tea or biscuits when they came. My aunt said didn't she offer? That is very unlike her as she always puts on a good spread. The guest said she did but she only asked me twice and then didn't try to convince me so I couldn't say yes 🤣🤣🤣🤣 We still laugh about this!

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Ha! I can relate to that, South Asian here too. We just put on the spread even if the guest says no.

The converse is it's really rude to not eat or drink anything when you're a guest, so it plays havoc with my diet. I am getting better at saying no.

Original poster
houseguesthair · 09/06/2023 11:59

@Lacucuracha it's mine but I'm not up for having to hide my stuff in my home!

OP posts:
Lacucuracha · 09/06/2023 12:01

houseguesthair · 09/06/2023 11:59

@Lacucuracha it's mine but I'm not up for having to hide my stuff in my home!

You shouldn't have to but I would for the sake of 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep!

amusedbush · 09/06/2023 12:02

MavisMcMinty · 09/06/2023 11:33

Well if it works for you… but in my case sleeping on just washed hair completely negates any of the careful styling/drying I’ve done and I wake up with bed hair.

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Ah, that's the key difference - I don't do any careful styling 😅

I blow dry it straight then sleep with it in a high ponytail with a satin scrunchie to avoid dents/bumps. It always looks fine when I brush it in the morning!

SerafinasGoose · 09/06/2023 12:02

I'd have no compunction about telling CF exactly where she can go, and what to do with herself when she gets there.

If 'actual' friend objects to those boundaries, and is upset over your refusing to allow others to take liberties with your property, then she's not a friend either and as far as I'd be concerned could get on her bike as well.

If I was in Actual Friend's position I'd be mortified. I would voluntarily arrange for us both to leave earlier than planned, and would send you flowers as an apology.

SideWonder · 09/06/2023 12:12

will talk to her before we get back and tell her I'm unhappy with her behavior and that she needs to behave better. I think she has a cousin here so if she doesn't buck up I'll tell her she needs to go and either get a hotel or stay there. Thanks for putting up with it this morning.

What a lovely friend! Hopefully she’ll talk some manners into her friend. Such a shame that your generosity is being treated with contempt.

isitshe · 09/06/2023 12:16

Worryaboutwork · 09/06/2023 11:53

South Asians do this too! We once had a guest who complained to my aunt that my mum didn't serve them tea or biscuits when they came. My aunt said didn't she offer? That is very unlike her as she always puts on a good spread. The guest said she did but she only asked me twice and then didn't try to convince me so I couldn't say yes 🤣🤣🤣🤣 We still laugh about this!

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😆