AIBU unreasonable to ask houseguest not to use the hairdryer at 1.30 am?

[houseguesthair]

I have a friend staying in my flat with her friend. Haven't seen them much as they're out visiting during the day till late and I'm at work during the day. It's a smallish city flat - 3 bedrooms.

Friend and her friend got back late last night and took long showers around midnight - I don't have an issue with that but wouldn't have done it at someone else's house if I thought they could hear and knew they were working the next day.

I then heard what I thought was the hairdryer about an hour later, I waited 10 minutes and it was still going so I got up and told friend of friend who was giving herself a bona fida blow dry in the bathroom next to my bedroom that it was too late to be using the hairdryer and that it was too loud for me and for the neighbors as she also had the window open. She grudgingly stopped and turned it off.

This morning I asked her while I was making coffee if she had slept well, she replied no in a really passive agressive way that she hadn't slept well because she had wet hair and had gotten bitten by mosquitos.

WIBU to ask her to turn the hairdryer off at 1.30 am? She seemed really pissed off with me this morning - even though I'm putting them up for free in a very expensive city for 5 days...

So sorry,first time here. Still working it out Thank you for your input x

@Gemigem
if you go to the top of the page - you'll see a button "Start New Thread" Click on this and off you go.

Totally agree with pp about your son

I think I know why I like Mumsnet now. Reading OPs replies gave me a window into a different life there, I feel like I was just on holiday for a bit. Hot city, frozen wine, the feel of a shower when you're grimy, communal living, cooking together. The description of the friendship was my favourite. I hope you keep a diary to remember it all OP. FWIW I don't like sleeping on wet hair (even with a towel the whole thing gets drenched eventually) but it does give me nice wavy curls if I let it dry overnight like that. I love my massive shower cap.

Thankyou ❤️

Where please

@Gemigem : go to the bottom left corner and click on "Active". Then click on the bottom right, "New". You can then choose your own thread title and which topic you want it in.

I would suggest the Relationships topic but there are others where it would also fit (like Family).

I love that a small minority of posters here give us a window into the CF mindset. Amazing how oblivious they are to their own entitlement.

@Gemigem ... at the top click the down arrow and choose start new thread option.

Where I live gets even hotter than @FelisCatus0 and I don’t have air conditioning, double glazing or heating. Winter is about 3 months long, with no real spring or autumn. The summer gets to 40+ degs C and as we move from summer to winter, we have a couple of weeks of fluctuating temps, where the weather does weird stuff as if it can’t make up it’s mind before we wake up to freezing temps of 25 degs C or below. We have about 2 months of that, then crazy fluctuating temps again, before the heat starts and then we have glorious months of clear blue sky and no rain and unrelenting heat!

I totally get the crazy temps thing but don’t assume that everyone that lives in a hot climate has luxuries like aircon. I often think of my double glazed windows that I had when I lived in the UK with pangs of longing but glass where I live is ridiculously expensive when you think that it’s a bloody island, surrounded by sand and glass is made from sand so 🤷🏽‍♀️. And literally everything apart from food seems to be imported!!

Can’t quite believe this! It’s a small flat in a big city (Paris).

Most people staying with others who have jobs and/or want a good night’s sleep I’d say there is no need to have written rules to say no long showers (but OP says she was fine with that) and hair drying (eg excessive noise) after eg 10-11pm. It’s just an unspoken rule/politeness.

For the people who say that OP and her best friend came across to CFF as leaving her out as they’re quite good friends, actually I can see how that might happen if OP and her best friend have a close relationship. But it sounds like OP was happy to meet CFF and socialise with her and her best friend. It’s also not OP’s business that CFF may have issues with employment, money etc, that’s down to her to deal with. Her best friend knows about this but how on earth s OP meant to know unless told?

For me as well. Wet hair at night is a no no so I rarely wash my hair at night but if I did I’d towel dry it as dry as I could and then either tie it up or plait.

I’ve travelled a lot in different countries with heat extremes but nowhere where I couldn’t easily wait until next day either for a shower or to wash my hair.

@ZiriForEver there doesn't need to be a soundproofing problem between flats for your working host not to want to be woken up at 1am by you making a noise. Something to bear in mind if you're a guest anywhere in future - once the host is in bed, you keep quiet.

@ZiriForEver Do you have to have rules explained to you generally? Like clear up after yourself, don't use other people's belongings without asking, use your manners when in someone else's home? Do you need these rules on a laminated sheet?

Anyway the OP's nice friend had already remonstrated (quietly as poss) with the cheeky guest, so the cheeky guest DID know that were overstepping. And carried on regardless.

just in case you are still checking and want to have the thread deleted… it has been picked up by The Mirror.
https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/my-selfish-houseguest-wont-stop-30206058

They are both getting free accommodation! Tell them you are not happy and you are tired from their noisy late night activities
if they don’t apologise, text them while you are at work and say you would prefer them to make alternative arrangements.

I feel your friend should sort this out and maybe she could stay but certainly not the other woman. You are not being unreasonable

well she turned out nice didnt she-jealo0us you have pictures up in yur own house what is she 15

But don't you think living permanently in heat means you acclimatise so the lower temps of our hot are not to you....I know when we are in the 39s last year when it cooled to 34 was heaven ....but I also think our days are different we go abroad and everything stops for 3 hours mid day we don't our days are 9 to 5 or longer with max hour break and many working through. We don't understand why jobs outside seem to take months because here they just carry on. Our kids still have an hour lunch play outside and sports day means out all morning or afternoon no shade and one bottle of water . Our system is just not geared for it.
I also don't get why you want to go to bed hot and sticky after sitting in a boiling room a shower cools you down it's 30 today I've already had 2. Nothing worse than being on a bus smelling 50 arm pits.

@FrostyFifi @AutumnCrow @GonnaGetGoingReturns

Yes, I totally agree with the general concept of no excessive noise, being polite, cleaning after myself, all fine

I just wouldn't know that drying hair counts as excessive noise. I wouldn't even think about it, as it isn't an issue in my life.
And yes, I lived in several flats under 70 square meters, there were built in different periods and it just wasn't an issue. Several hundred kilometres from Paris, not on the other side of the world.
My mum did dry her hair at night regularly, but she just closed the bathroom door, and there was no noise in the bedrooms.
Maybe we had better soundproofing, maybe we had less powerful and therefore quieter hairdryers, I don't know.

When the habits and rules are practically the same, it is hard to spot the one thing which differs.

And yes, the friend said something - when the other visitor was in the middle of washing her hair. Should she stop with shampoo on her hair? Is it so bad if she wanted to finish - and plan better for the next time?

I'm pretty sure if she got the information earlier she wouldn't make her hair wet, knowing she is uncomfortable sleeping with wet hair.

" don’t assume that everyone that lives in a hot climate has luxuries like aircon."

Not always necessary though. Look at the thickness of the walls in some old houses in Spain and Italy and houses meant for coolness.

Tell your pal to take her mate and GTF. They’re taking the P. Free digs need some respect for the host.

Maybe RTFT or at least the OPs updates ...

I consider myself duly scolded. Thank you for being so vigilant.

100% right, Get rid of

I have long thick hair and often have a before bed shower - I never use the hairdryer. She's being a bit precious if she can't sleep with damp hair (use a towel to get worst of wet off)