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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick to the teeth of bras!

217 replies

4plusthehound · 06/06/2023 19:13

Yesterday I got dd (12) her first bra.

Last week I got one for mum (92).

I am wearing one - I am 57.

Every year of our lives, no matter what stage of that life we are in, from age 12 to when we die the SAME DESIGN is supposed to work.

Mum has the frame of a an elderly lady now- she has shrunk and is a tiny bag of bones. But her breasts are still there, and she needs to hold them in a comfortable way - a bra? The straps really dig into her, the non cotton fabrics are quite rough for skin of that age, the cotton is either extremely thin or sports thick, the elastic is unforgiving and the bloody hooks are on the back - so hard for her to manage all of that.

For me - after thousands of days wearing them I have a "grove" at the end of my collar bone where it meets the shoulder. But also, the heat systems in my body has changed, the fat distribution, everything.

And yet - in the face of all that change BRAS STAY THE SAME.

I am the only one with this problem.

I am SO uncomfortable

OP posts:
bonfirebash · 07/06/2023 13:55

It's a standard bra but if the shape suits... Elomi Matilda is my favourite bra ever. I'm a 34K and genuinely can fall asleep in it without noticing I'm wearing it
I know I can buy any Elomi plunge style and it's always perfect

Reign studio does some bigger size wireless too

Womanofcustard · 07/06/2023 14:01

I bought a Sloggi Zero Feel bra a few years ago. Now I have binned all my other bras, and have 5 Sloggis in the drawer instead. I could never wear an ordinary bra after discovering the comfort.

Original poster
4plusthehound · 07/06/2023 14:07

AliceMcK · 07/06/2023 09:51

Absolutely agree op. I have dozens of them various shapes & styles bought at ridiculously expensive prices. Not one is comfortable for more than an hour or 2. I have to change up my bras to distribute the discomfort and out right pain across my body, if it’s not straps that feel like razors, wires digging in then it’s chafing.

And because of the weight of my boobs the support is gone in no time.

I do have a few tricks, large cotton pads help with the painful wires and using a pair of straighteners on the straps before putting the bra on helps extend the strap use a bit longer.

People who don’t have big breasts have no idea what it’s like for us, we can’t just buy supermarket bras and wear our one go to bra for everything because it suites all our outfits.

I’ve been in bras since I was 9yo and come from a long line of big breasted women who have suffered. I have 3 daughters and have a savings account specifically set up that will be available for them to have breast reductions if they choose when they are older because I don’t want them suffering like myself and other women in my family.

First of all I am very sorry to hear this - living with that type of discomfort for years.

For my bra wearing life up to meno I had no problems. I had strong muscles in the breast area, my breasts 34b, bras were comfortable and I was spoiled for choice.

Menopause changed them massively, changed the skin texture, changed the size, the muscles, the fat distribution and now I understand what you have lived through.

OP posts:
Doggymummar · 07/06/2023 14:10

GoodChat · 06/06/2023 19:21

You dont have big boobs, do you?

Show quote history

I'm a 36 JJ and wear stretchy ctprop top ones and non underwired from SugarCandy which are super comfortable and ship in about a week fro Oz

Original poster
4plusthehound · 07/06/2023 14:15

TheTellTaleHeart · 06/06/2023 22:16

@4plusthehound you’re not alone, I haven’t been able to tolerate bras for about 4 years now. I don’t know why, but suddenly I just can’t bear the feeling of anything, anything at all around my rib cage. Not even sports bras or crop tops.

I’m just aware, all day long that they’re there and it drives me crazy. I think I have ADD and I’ve noticed that all my “symptoms” are much more pronounced since I hit the menopause. The sensory issues and hyper-awareness just seem much worse. I was thinking of trying those Halara dresses? They’re pretty standard designs, maxi, midi, mini etc in block colours, but they seem to be made of firm sports fabric and have cups so no need for a bra-has anyone tried them?

Maybe I should post in the menopause section because it seems to turn at that time of life?

OP posts:
Original poster
4plusthehound · 07/06/2023 14:17

BeverlyBrook · 06/06/2023 22:21

But there are different styles.
Crop tops
Underwired
Not underwired
Sports

Underwired it depends on how your breast sits on your ribcage. I need a plunge style or im in agony.

Non wired is amazing and so many to choose from.

I suggest you get properly measured, not the add 4 inches nonsense. The ribcage should take most of the heavy lifting then the straps keep the breast in place.

If you do lots of walking you need one that supports the underside of the breast well.

Yes it is shit. But a darned sight better than corsets or no bra. I suggest you go on a bra research mission.

I am on a bra research mission @BeverlyBrook !

Hence the thread!😁

OP posts:
Original poster
4plusthehound · 07/06/2023 14:20

TheTellTaleHeart · 06/06/2023 22:36

Yes exactly, if I had a pound for everytime someone suggested getting measured and just spending more. For me, it would just be a perfectly fitting bra that I still can’t stand the feeling of. If I had the money, I’d simply have my boobs removed or at least reduced right down to a pair of cherry bakewells. I fantasise about slipping a cool cotton t shirt over a completely weightless and flat chest and skipping out the door without giving it a second thought….like a man 😤

Show quote history

I fantasise about slipping a cool cotton t shirt over a completely weightless and flat chest and skipping out the door without giving it a second thought….like a man 😤

Soooo tantalizing!

OP posts:
Original poster
4plusthehound · 07/06/2023 14:32

AMonthOfSundaes · 06/06/2023 22:37

Have you tried a cross your heart bra? I know they are old fashioned but they don't have underwire and the cross keeps your boobs separate.
https://www.playtex.co.uk/c/cross-your-heart-bra-20320/

I tried something very similar but a different brand. It made my boobs into two massive, rocket shaped cones. And STILL didn't manage to keep them fully separate, somehow. As any image of CYH I can find features models with very small breasts, I have assumed this may do the same. Sad

Me too with Cross Your Heart.

Heat and moisture.

OP posts:
Chocchops72 · 07/06/2023 14:35

Doggymummar · 07/06/2023 14:10

I'm a 36 JJ and wear stretchy ctprop top ones and non underwired from SugarCandy which are super comfortable and ship in about a week fro Oz

Show quote history

Just checked their website and the first thing I see is a recommendation from Susannah Constantine (Trinny & Susannah fame)! That's a good sign, she is very top heavy, like me.

you find they actually do separate your boobs and don't give 'monoboob'?
I'm 36 JJ too.

verdantverdure · 07/06/2023 14:44

I envy men their ease too sometimes.

At the weekends in summer or on holiday my DH puts on a pair of long baggy swim shorts with a built in "knacker net" and a t shirt and he is ready for anything pretty much

The closest I can get is a vest with a "shelf" and shorts and knickers, assuming my legs and underarms are hair free.

Or a dress, bra and knickers.

And then I probably need to accessorise whereas I don't think he has ever considered what shoes and bag to wear with an outfit.

We could probably learn from that.

I try to think minimalist but I don't think I'll ever just have one of anything.

Glastobore · 07/06/2023 14:46

I want a bra that pushes them in from the outside iyswim

And that's minimising

Hate my post meno boobs

Desperatetime · 07/06/2023 14:49

I can never find a comfortable bra so I just wear those slip on one's with no hooks etc.

Muncha · 07/06/2023 14:50

I've never owned a comfy bra. I can't wear sports tops coz my nipples show through.

WhisperingAutistic · 07/06/2023 14:52

Doggymummar · 07/06/2023 14:10

I'm a 36 JJ and wear stretchy ctprop top ones and non underwired from SugarCandy which are super comfortable and ship in about a week fro Oz

Show quote history

Oh! Those look excellent!
I'm definitely going to try one. Thank you

Desperatetime · 07/06/2023 14:53

dementedpixie if your anything like me wearing a bra causes me more sweat and irritation due to no air and sweat clinging to the bra making me itch. Also cuticura talc is good for under there.

Chocchops72 · 07/06/2023 14:56

Glastobore · 07/06/2023 14:46

I want a bra that pushes them in from the outside iyswim

And that's minimising

Hate my post meno boobs

Balcony bras with side support can do this. But I find that minimisers just push it all round the back / sides 🙄

All my meno weight gain is going up top. Bigger boobs than ever and skinny wee ankles down below.

Original poster
4plusthehound · 07/06/2023 14:59

bellac11 · 07/06/2023 08:26

Theres no back strap that can hold my breasts up, I would need a corset and Im probably not alone which is why the shoulder strap will take most of the lifting

Yup.

Aerodynamics! (although I have no clue what aerodynamics are so there is that! It sounded good though...😉

OP posts:
Blueberrycreampie · 07/06/2023 15:02

I got my very elderly mil some from Sainsburys which are mainly cotton but a bit of stretch. I think they come under sports bras but they have no fastenings, or other metal bits as they're pull ons. She is happy with them.

Original poster
4plusthehound · 07/06/2023 15:10

WeRateSquirrels · 07/06/2023 09:54

I've tried Boob or Bust, I've tried fittings in independent shops, still can't stand the things. I'm slim but with a wide, prominent rib cage and a tight band is agony. Thankfully I'm flat chested enough to get away with a bralette. Really feel for women who don't have this option.

The amount of time/money/effort expended on this one item of clothing is mad.

I've tried Boob or Bust, I've tried fittings in independent shops, still can't stand the things. I'm slim but with a wide, prominent rib cage and a tight band is agony. Thankfully I'm flat chested enough to get away with a bralette. Really feel for women who don't have this option.

So true - everything you have siad.

But it is interesting - is it not - how hard it seems to be to accept that grown women, with expertise in their breasts and in the bra buying market, are told time and time again "it is not them it is you"!

The amount of time/money/effort expended on this one item of clothing is mad.

On the issue of choice - there is indeed lots of choice but only within the structure of two straps over the shoulder. Right?

OP posts:
hamustro · 07/06/2023 15:38

I think boobs themselves are designed wrong! Giant sacks of flesh that often weigh a lot, with only a few measly ligaments to keep them in place. I'm waiting for a time when I can have cyborg-boobs and have some sort of scaffolding inserted into my chest to keep them upright without the need for a bra.

jannier · 07/06/2023 16:07

Doggymummar · 07/06/2023 14:10

I'm a 36 JJ and wear stretchy ctprop top ones and non underwired from SugarCandy which are super comfortable and ship in about a week fro Oz

Show quote history

I'd have an awful shape if I did that and I'm only a gg crop tops just flatten and squash towards your arms. Making you look fatter.

jannier · 07/06/2023 16:11

After surgery for BC I spent over £300 in 8 months trying to find something comfortable that didn't rub the scar or rads tissue one specialist company said it was too big and they could only help if I'd had a mastectomy

originalglazedsingle · 07/06/2023 16:37

hamustro · 07/06/2023 15:38

I think boobs themselves are designed wrong! Giant sacks of flesh that often weigh a lot, with only a few measly ligaments to keep them in place. I'm waiting for a time when I can have cyborg-boobs and have some sort of scaffolding inserted into my chest to keep them upright without the need for a bra.

bang on.

Boobs should be a choice, and we should be flat chested if we wanted to! 😂(without the need for surgery).

In the meantime I live in sports bras as much as I can, best support, most comfortable, and a fairly decent shape.

Chocchops72 · 07/06/2023 16:39

jannier · 07/06/2023 16:07

I'd have an awful shape if I did that and I'm only a gg crop tops just flatten and squash towards your arms. Making you look fatter.

Show quote history

I’ve just ordered two so will report back!

IanFromAccounting · 07/06/2023 16:43

I have reasonable sized boobs (30Fish so not huge but not tiny either) and wear underwired bras less than once a month. There are loads of other options about nowadays. Non wired bras, bralettes, crop tops etc.

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