To be sick to the teeth of bras!

[4plusthehound]

Yesterday I got dd (12) her first bra.

Last week I got one for mum (92).

I am wearing one - I am 57.

Every year of our lives, no matter what stage of that life we are in, from age 12 to when we die the SAME DESIGN is supposed to work.

Mum has the frame of a an elderly lady now- she has shrunk and is a tiny bag of bones. But her breasts are still there, and she needs to hold them in a comfortable way - a bra? The straps really dig into her, the non cotton fabrics are quite rough for skin of that age, the cotton is either extremely thin or sports thick, the elastic is unforgiving and the bloody hooks are on the back - so hard for her to manage all of that.

For me - after thousands of days wearing them I have a "grove" at the end of my collar bone where it meets the shoulder. But also, the heat systems in my body has changed, the fat distribution, everything.

And yet - in the face of all that change BRAS STAY THE SAME.

I am the only one with this problem.

I am SO uncomfortable

They sound like mine and Im decades younger than your mum!

Im thinking of trying a thin vest under some underwired bras to see if thats more comfortable and supportive for me. She could have a vest under a sports bra perhaps

@Notellinganyone This is what bra fitters have always been trying to sell me. Then gave me something that felt like a frigging cable tie and gave me side boobs. No way I will wear anything that tight.

Yes - wide straps.

Having worn the same size straps for almost 40 years my poor old deltoid muscle is begging for forgiveness.

I agree with you OP! For your mum I'd second the idea of molke and surgery bras. Also might be worth looking at Uniqlo - they have some moulded options which are intended to be softer (eg no seams) but I haven't personally tried them. What I do have from Uniqlo though are some crop tops with built in bras which I quite like under clothing - more coverage and support than a bralet.

I know there are a lot more choices now, but I think if you're outside of the mainstream - eg terms of size, sensitivity, accessibility or other needs - then it's still limited. Personally I get so frustrated when people say things like 'if bras are uncomfortable you're wearing the wrong size or style' because I usually am, but not through choice! I'm an awkward size that is hard to find, and because very few make it the style choices are v limited. So I'm usually wearing a 'sister size' because that's all I can get!

Miss Mary Smoother Bras are life changing.

Not true. Mine aren't big but they will still sag and be uncomfortable if I don't wear a bra.
Fortunately I've never has any difficulty finding comfortable bras. I have underwired for general use and sports bras for sport (obviously). Both are fine and I wear them from getting up in the morning to going to bed at night.

Thank you. All of this exactly.

It seems very hard for people to accept that it could be the product not the human....

I was measured by the bra fitter at John Lewis. On the bra they gave me to try on the band was so tight I couldn’t breathe

The only thing I'd say about Molke original bras is that they are quite tight fitting and go on over your head, so not great if your mum has any mobility issues.

She coud @bellac11

But wouldn't it be great if she/you didn't have to?

Wouldn't it be great if someone woud design for this?

I mean they came uo with botox for a wrinkles and we don't "feel" them.

I step into mine and pull it up like a pair of trousers. It would still be awkward for someone elderly I think though.
They do make a hook and eye type now but I've never tried one of those
molke.co.uk/collections/flexi-size-bra/products/cherry-lace-flexi-size-bra

Absolutely, literally feel your pain.

I've been 'heavy' since the age of about twelve, long before I was emotionally ready even for adolescence.

Hate, hate, hated the whole business until my early twenties when I read an article in Cosmo by June Kenton asking anyone contemplating a breast reduction to consider having a proper fitting, to experience for themselves the difference it can make.

I saved hard, enlisted some help from my mother and finally (sic) booked an appointment in the depths of winter. I was dressed as always to hide my shape and turned up fully expecting to need to save more for a custom made bra.

Not a tape measure in sight, the fitter who had only seen my in my puffer-style coat managed the perfect fits with the very first bra she produced. I tried a lot more on by the first really was the one for me.

I've been wearing the same model ever since, four decades later. My size fluctuates if I loose or gain weight but the model (broad straps, underwires but sits flat against my skin and is much more comfortable than going without.

I commend their fitting service to you.

https://www.rigbyandpeller.com/en-gb/appointment-booker

@4plusthehound you’re not alone, I haven’t been able to tolerate bras for about 4 years now. I don’t know why, but suddenly I just can’t bear the feeling of anything, anything at all around my rib cage. Not even sports bras or crop tops.

I’m just aware, all day long that they’re there and it drives me crazy. I think I have ADD and I’ve noticed that all my “symptoms” are much more pronounced since I hit the menopause. The sensory issues and hyper-awareness just seem much worse. I was thinking of trying those Halara dresses? They’re pretty standard designs, maxi, midi, mini etc in block colours, but they seem to be made of firm sports fabric and have cups so no need for a bra-has anyone tried them?

Really recommend going to one of those old fashioned ladies underwear shops on the high street of small towns. I went to a peach of one where the lovely lady told me to take my bra off (in the changing room, not the shop window), took one look at me and went to fetch me a bra. No measuring, didn't ask any questions, just got a bra.

What a difference! So comfortable, made me look like I'd lost about two stone and 15 years of sagging. After a lifetime of ripping my bra off at night and saying thank feck for that, I didn't know I had it on. They weren't even expensive. I bought two the same and some matching knickers. I've since moved from that town but next week I'm going to do a 150 mile round trip to see them again as I've lost weight and need to fit myself out again.

It sounds like your wearing the wrong size/style of bra.
I recently invested in an hour long bra fitting, with a lovely lady known as the bra boss of kent. For the first time ever I spent more than a tenner on a bra and they are worth their weight in gold. Beautiful, well fitting bras for the first time in my life (I'm 43)

I agree with you @Curledupwithabook but * if you're outside of the mainstream - eg terms of size, sensitivity, accessibility or other needs - then it's still limited. *

I wonder though how mainstream women are? Maybe that is the way it needs to be looked at?

.I think the peri and menopause changes to our bodies are not reflected in any way in the product design.

What changes to make are a bit beyond me but I sure there is someone who could come up with something.

I wear the Big Bloomers cropped tops, I'm a 42GG but they keep everything under control, no slipping straps, grooves in your shoulders, no feeling like you are in a vice.

But there are different styles.
Crop tops
Underwired
Not underwired
Sports

Underwired it depends on how your breast sits on your ribcage. I need a plunge style or im in agony.

Non wired is amazing and so many to choose from.

I suggest you get properly measured, not the add 4 inches nonsense. The ribcage should take most of the heavy lifting then the straps keep the breast in place.

If you do lots of walking you need one that supports the underside of the breast well.

Yes it is shit. But a darned sight better than corsets or no bra. I suggest you go on a bra research mission.

YANBU

I’m a 30FF or 28GG depending on style. Got some nice and properly fitted bras from bravissimo. Whilst they give good support round the sides (as I was getting middle-age side boobage) and don’t massively dig in my shoulders as wide straps, I’ve still got several pounds weight being propped up by a thick band and shoulder straps, so yes I can feel it.

I have a very large selection of styles from bralettes to crop tops, in-built vest things and whilst some are comfortable, it’s not the same as not wearing one at all and for me bras are the k my thing that give decent shape and protection. I don’t consider myself to have particularly big boobs and those that do have my totally sympathy because its a pain in the arse and can be a big cost.

Hi @Ap42 . I did the same at your age. I found the perfect bra. Comfortable, great fit, good looking even, and so on.

You will find however as you climb toward late 40s - the prefect bra becomes the Holy Grail.

When you get to that point remember this thread - it will not be you, it will be them!!

Your body will change in much the same way that your peers will have changed. What WILL NOT CHANGE is the design of a bra.

You will not be accomodated.

And anyone you moan to will say - yeah but FIT....😂

Omg you A SO NBU. I stopped wearing underwires in lockdown and now find them agony even for a short evening out. I feel maddened by them and like you my shoulders have a permanent groove where they've been holding the weight for so many years.

I wear John Lewis crop top style bras now but I'm aware that they look make my big boobs look pretty terrible. I just don't think I care enough now (48). Might give the Molke a try though.

Yes exactly, if I had a pound for everytime someone suggested getting measured and just spending more. For me, it would just be a perfectly fitting bra that I still can’t stand the feeling of. If I had the money, I’d simply have my boobs removed or at least reduced right down to a pair of cherry bakewells. I fantasise about slipping a cool cotton t shirt over a completely weightless and flat chest and skipping out the door without giving it a second thought….like a man 😤

Have you tried a cross your heart bra? I know they are old fashioned but they don't have underwire and the cross keeps your boobs separate.
https://www.playtex.co.uk/c/cross-your-heart-bra-20320/

I tried something very similar but a different brand. It made my boobs into two massive, rocket shaped cones. And STILL didn't manage to keep them fully separate, somehow. As any image of CYH I can find features models with very small breasts, I have assumed this may do the same.

I think I'm going to stick with my nursing bras from now on despite not actually feeding anymore. They have no underwire and are really supportive and comfortable. Gone are the days of discomfort! They don't look amazing under strappy dresses or tops, but I don't wear those anyway.

I got a Triumph one and it’s amazing, they are so soft and only come in 2 sizes, that will tell you how soft and flexible they are. I will find the name for you now. Seriously AMAZING, no dents anymore.