Hobby every weekend leaving me with step-kids?

[Roundly]

DP has DSS (11) and DSD (13) from a previous relationship. I have DS (8). DP has always played football every other Saturday and always the weekend he did not have his children. This would typically be from 8am to around 4pm, for training and then matches, and often it goes on even longer if there are drinks or socials arranged afterwards. I didn't mind this as it tied in to when my own DS was with his dad, so I would have the day free to do any leisure activities of my choosing.

At the beginning of the year, for various reasons, my stepson and stepdaughter came to live with us full-time. Since then, my DP has slowly started to play football more, and in the last couple of months has played every Saturday. He's just announced that he will be playing football again this Saturday, leaving the care of all 3 children to me.

AIBU to say I'm fed up and don't want responsibility of three DC all Saturday again, and that he needs to go back to EOW? I feel like I'm being a bit rotten as he does work very hard and does a lot for us throughout the weekdays. I wouldn't mind so much if it was just the morning, but it's literally the entirety of Saturday.

I would be annoyed if my DH (and father to our children) did this. I just wouldn’t want to be lumbered with the kids every weekend while he did something fun. There’s absolutely no way I’d be doing to look after step kids.

You lost me at “announced” op.

and there’s no training on match days btw. That’s bullshit too.

He has too many children by too many women for him to be able to have every Saturday off.

exactly, it's not just the game of football is it, he's turning it into a full day of self indulgence, to avoid spending time with his own children.
I feel sorry for the children, as well as OP.

Good luck! My DH is out every Saturday morning while I look after similarly aged DC. The difference is, they're not his kids, they're mine!

I am going to tell him that I'm not happy that it's being assumed I am okay with him playing football all day, every Saturday. He's in a group with around 20 friends, so when they aren't playing matches or training, they will book a pitch and play 5-a-side against each other all day. Including lunch and drinks, that's why it takes all day
It sounds like he's got a group of friends who all enjoy being each other's convenient excuse to opt out of parenting and family life.

You’re not unreasonable at all. However, at their ages if you go out on Saturday surely they’ll just stay at home on their own?

So I’m not against sport on Saturdays. I play a sport most Saturdays in winter, but 1) I’m not gone all day, a football match is 90 mins, he can leave after the match
2) they’re his kids my DH is looking after (he doesn’t look after step kids)
3) I sometimes take the kids with me and they hang out on the side line and play too with other kids

lastly it’s the end of the football season so why is he still playing?

He can take his children with him with the lunch he has packed for them. Sad for the children but then with them hanging around him being miserable for a few weeks, he may see the light and take time to be with them and do something they like doing every second week.

Jeez no bloody way.
Are you married?
I would be looking to separate, or live in separate houses - did you sign up to be a single mother to three? No I imagine not, personally, the minute he was able to he took full advantage of you. This is not a good relationship for you.

Get out now whilst you can.
Use bullet proof contraception in the meantime, he has seen you as an easy option to carry on enjoying his bachelor style life.

He needs to step up and be a parent to those children who for whatever reason ( and it’s really not relevant why!) have just lost access to their mother!!
And are probably feeling out of sorts at having to move from their own home, possibly to a different area and having less contact with their friends and peers than before. Whose support they might well need while going through whatever it is that prompted the move. OP I know they might be used to coming to you for weekends but the ante has just been upped for them.
I suggest a calendar/ rota with family time and hobby time for everyone clearly marked on it. Do the children not have clubs/ interests that they’d like to do at the weekend?
Wk 1 football
wk 2. time with own children ( allowing for their interests )
wk 3 family time altogether
wk 4 your hobby

or similar, or have Sundays as family time and alternate your two hobbies.

You still sound quite soft op, he will just ask you every week now if you can babysit before you have a chance to make your own plans.
He is taking the piss out of you, he has no respect so just tell him you are not childcare on ANY weekends as you have your own son EOW and still require some weekends to yourself when he is playing.

His children aren't your step kids, they are not your responsibility.

How did they end up living with you full time? Did you have any say in the matter?

Responding to his announcement with :

"I am neither your Nanny nor your Housekeeper"

Might've knocked it on the head

She's NOT married, they are NOT her children.

They are NOT her step children.

They are her partners children and she is the skivvy aupair he moved in with to raise them as he cant be arsed.

She's the poor mug he found to rear them while her own son has his childhood spoiled by a selfish waster his mother allows to use her.

Regular story on here of a man making a fool of a women, any women, to avoid parenting HIS own children.

My response would be accepting that you are now a family so I would be prepared to treat the kids like my own and do some of the care.
I would compromise and say the Saturdays your son is there you will look after the kids (and in my experience teens age 13 don’t get up until midday and don’t need much looking after!!) but would include the younger one in plans for park etc with my own son.
It the weekends your son is with his dad is your time and you won’t be available as childcare

No, unless I'm being paid, I'm not interested in being responsible for someone else's children on a regular basis, just so their actual parent can go play with his friends without a second thought, like an overgrown little boy. I'd much rather be alone than be taken for granted to such an extent.

So there is no reason on earth to continue is there? You are being used op. He has found a free 247 nanny with benefits. You get to kiss your free time goodbye and do the grunt work. I say well played to him, he has played you like a fiddle.

Expect the once a week football games to become three times a week with holidays and weekends away to follow.

I worry that you are even having to ask if you are unreasonable.

I've never begrudged him playing every other weekend, it didn't impact me and I get more time off during the week then he does. But it's every weekend that I object to, we will never have any family Saturday's unless it's pre-booked, and I don't want to be responsible for 3 children all day. His DC could technically stay in by themselves, but it doesn't seem right that they are on their own for hours every weekend either. Granted they aren't mine, but it still makes me feel bad on their behalf. They won't have much time with us as a family, or their father, they won't be able to see friends as that requires lifts etc.

At 11 and 13 do they need looking after full time? I would expect them to be able to be left home a bit/wanting to be out with friends etc. are there activities they can do that coincide with football?

@OhComeOnFFS

His time??? Did you miss that they live there??

@Roundly just tell him no, he's not playing football unless he takes his two or is happy for them to be home on their own.

they're not your responsibility every bloody Saturday.

I wouldn't mind if he's ok for them to be home alone & you just take your DS if you go to meet up with friends it's whatever. Obviously I'd take them if they're nice kids & it's something they'd enjoy.

He is a shit dad to disappear and leave them all day alone. I think they are too young to be left all day anyway.

What has happened to their mother op?
Neither parent appears to prioritise them.

Interesting how the playing football every Saturday coincided with his kids moving in full time. I would not put up with this. I would also encourage him to be a better dad. You just don't get to take a whole Saturday off every weekend from parenting your own children - you just don't. If you do it's called neglect.

He's treating you like a mug, OP.