Hobby every weekend leaving me with step-kids?

[Roundly]

DP has DSS (11) and DSD (13) from a previous relationship. I have DS (8). DP has always played football every other Saturday and always the weekend he did not have his children. This would typically be from 8am to around 4pm, for training and then matches, and often it goes on even longer if there are drinks or socials arranged afterwards. I didn't mind this as it tied in to when my own DS was with his dad, so I would have the day free to do any leisure activities of my choosing.

At the beginning of the year, for various reasons, my stepson and stepdaughter came to live with us full-time. Since then, my DP has slowly started to play football more, and in the last couple of months has played every Saturday. He's just announced that he will be playing football again this Saturday, leaving the care of all 3 children to me.

AIBU to say I'm fed up and don't want responsibility of three DC all Saturday again, and that he needs to go back to EOW? I feel like I'm being a bit rotten as he does work very hard and does a lot for us throughout the weekdays. I wouldn't mind so much if it was just the morning, but it's literally the entirety of Saturday.

This with bells on. What a wanker he is.

I work hard and do a lot for my family during the week. I'm also the main breadwinner.

It still wouldn't even occur to me that my "payment" for that should be a full day off from all family/household responsibilities every week.

Only fair for you to disappear and do your own thing all Sunday.

He takes his kids to his football weekend activities. It’s not for you to look after them. He should take responsibility.

What are the reasons their mother can’t have them? I think this will be relevant here.

As a former weekend footballer and a step-dad, just a few observations.

1. Kids come first.
2. A minimum of 8 hours, unless there's an awful lot of travelling involved, is a very long time for an amateur match. Turning up, getting ready (a brief warm-up beforehand) and getting showered and changed afterwards is a maximum of 3 hours. Nobody 'trains' before a game, you need to save your energy for the match.

Allowing for an hour each way traveling time, it sounds to me like there's 3 hours post-match pub time included in the 8 hours. I suggest you invite yourself and the kids along one Saturday to"watch Daddy play". I think you'll find it takes a whole lot less time that day.

No way would I be ok with this.
You aren't even married to this man!

Why is it always men that move in with someone and then just assume all housework and childcare will now be sorted out by the adult with the vagina??

There's usually a reason men with children are no longer living with the mother of the children.

Agree with @Kanaloa, even if they were married and the children were all mine, no way would I tolerate my husband buzzing off playing sports every Saturday.

Not a chance.

Mind you I know a few mugs that have put up with this over the years.

Golf is a huge culprit.

Bigger fools IMO.

Nope - don’t warn him. Just make plans and go. He can take his kids with him and cut his socializing short. Later, when he gets stroppy at being left in the lurch, that is when you ask him when you became his nanny. Remind him that it is the 21st Century and you expect to be ASKED if it suits you to look after his children, and that it is absolutely okay for you to say no.

How much parenting do his kids actually need? If you are having to run them around that's not on. Otherwise does anybody need to parent them? Can't they just be left to their own devices?

I'm not suggesting you should parent them. I'm just questioning whether anyone needs to given their ages. Certainly by 13 I would often prefer to hang out at home on my own rather than do whatever my parents were doing and from secondary school age would usually get the bus to see friends on a Saturday.

But if they do require parenting it obviously shouldn't be you doing it.

So you're looking after his kids while yours is at his dads? What a piss take.
Id be replying, me and DS wont be here, have you organised a babysitter?

Do you ever leave your child with him all day?

And they're usually living there rent-free, too!

And I wonder how many of that group of 20 friends are also skiving off their parental duties every Saturday. Maybe you ought to contact their WAGs and arrange some revenge Saturday outings, sans children of course!

Why are you putting up with this ?

Good for you putting your boundaries down. It will help you but also help the step kids .

Too right OP! Personally, I'd not be impressed at all that he didn't even ask you if this was Ok, he sounds like a complete knob!

Wow he's got a cushy deal! Glad you've got plans, and I'd be arranging them every second Saturday from now on.

He just does what he wants and dumps his children on you. Very wrong. You are free childcare for entire day every week, in addition to that they are living with you full time. It’s like you’re their only parent every weekend and you’re not even technically their mother.

When does he have all 3 kids all day?

I bet the spouses of those 20 friends don’t appreciate being left in the lurch entire weekend day every week either. Parenting is not just something you do when you feel like it. His priority is his hobby instead of his children.

Not sure how it takes that long! Also you don't train on the day of a match.
My partner and I both play the same sport (not football) - Training is 2 hours weekday evenings and matches are Saturday. We travel up to 2 hours away for a game. 1 hour team talk/warm up, 1hr 10/15 for game, showers and teas after say another 1hr. Up to 2 hours travel home. So 5 -7.5 hours in total. This is playing competitively in organised leagues not against a group of mates.

Seems he is taking advantage and staying out way longer than he needs.

Has Pep called him up for the Champions League final? All other games in the UK have finished.

I wonder if he is going to play football.

You’ve presumably voiced your discontent and pointed out how unreasonable he’s being. What’s he said?