Hobby every weekend leaving me with step-kids?

[Roundly]

DP has DSS (11) and DSD (13) from a previous relationship. I have DS (8). DP has always played football every other Saturday and always the weekend he did not have his children. This would typically be from 8am to around 4pm, for training and then matches, and often it goes on even longer if there are drinks or socials arranged afterwards. I didn't mind this as it tied in to when my own DS was with his dad, so I would have the day free to do any leisure activities of my choosing.

At the beginning of the year, for various reasons, my stepson and stepdaughter came to live with us full-time. Since then, my DP has slowly started to play football more, and in the last couple of months has played every Saturday. He's just announced that he will be playing football again this Saturday, leaving the care of all 3 children to me.

AIBU to say I'm fed up and don't want responsibility of three DC all Saturday again, and that he needs to go back to EOW? I feel like I'm being a bit rotten as he does work very hard and does a lot for us throughout the weekdays. I wouldn't mind so much if it was just the morning, but it's literally the entirety of Saturday.

They aren't your step kids.

You aren't married.

You are just the mug that he's caught to be his skivvy.

Your poor son.

It's your own DC who is missing out on time just with you. Why should your DC have to share you with his kids all the time? Even if they get on OK it's bloody unfair.

Has the football season not finished? It is June after all.
So is he really playing football?

Tell him he either stays home or takes them with him!
What was your response to him when he made his announcement?

Course YANBU
He is extremely cheeky to just start leaving them with you every Saturday for the whole day. It’s not fair and it’s shirking his responsibility really. It would be different if you had both discussed it and decided you were happy with that arrangement.

Do they not have anytime with their other family at all?

Oh god people do go in pretty hard on these threads. Is he expecting it to be every weekend that he plays football on a sat or is it a few odd ones ?

Have you had a discussion with him about it and how you're feeling ?

Bit much when people start saying he's a waster and you're a mug based on so little information

I’d be pretty pissed off that he’s just assuming you’ll look after his kids every Saturday whilst he’s off out doing his hobby. The fact he’s out all day royally takes the piss. I’d be having words with him. I’m all for pitching in as one big family but he seems to think he can just dump them on you whilst he goes off.

No way, that's not on.

His kids, he can look after them. You shouldn't have to. Tell him that from now on he needs to look after them. What a joke some men are - my partner wouldn't dream of doing this!

No wonder the OP hasn’t been back, people telling her she makes them cringe, she’s a skivvy, au pair, etc, talking about her “poor son” like he’s a evacuee 🙄 OP if what you are asking for is validation that you aren’t ok with this situation - you are definitely justified in saying something to your DP and changing the arrangement to one that suits you and your son. He’s not a mind reader, just tell him it doesn’t work for you. Maybe he’s an entitled piss taker, or maybe he’s just made some assumptions and needs some communication. People saying oh a woman wouldn’t do this, well maybe we should, instead of martyring ourselves and expecting people to know what we’re upset about.

He should do most of the child care. They are his kids. He does not get a medal for that.

Hes being completely selfish Leaving you to parent while he has fun
do you get a day off a week?

Use your words: that doesn't work for me, you're being grossly unfair assuming I'm happy to watch your children week in and week out while you piss off with your friends. I'm done.

And mean it.

This would only be okay if you get to disappear off every Sunday without any DC and he takes the 3 kids as a minimum. But he will need to sometimes take a weekend off football entirely so you can have some family time. Is there some kind of arrangement you can find like that where he reciprocates so you can have days off too?

Go out before him
Take your own child but leave the step kids
He will just need to deal.

That would be a hard No you’re not going football from me.

technically his kids are there full time so he shouldn’t be going at all so you are doing a favour by saying yea to eow

Nope wouldn’t be happening, he goes back to fortnightly.

alternatively I would say ok I have all day Sunday to do what I want and you have all 3

Wow he's got you right where he wants you op. Raising all his kids whilst he gets on with life.

Do not put up with this. Fucking hell.

He really doesn’t understand they are his children and his responsibility.
You are not their mum.
He minds them or sorts childcare (not you)

I don’t agree that it should go back to fortnightly.

Once the dc came to live full time, he should have dropped his hobby and stepped up to his parenting responsibilities/ or organised suitable childcare to continue his hobby.

Why should the OP’s childfree Saturday to do her bits and bobs ever have been impacted?

Take back Saturday, OP - all of them and let him know he needs to make other arrangements for the dc. If you’re feeling generous you can drop that to EO Saturday, assuming of course that he reciprocates with a similar length of childcare for your ds, EOW (maybe Sundays so you could plan weekends away)

No. How dare he assume you will look after his children all day on a weekend, especially one when you don't even have your own child.

He didn't even ask you, just assumed that as you have a vagina that means you're default childcare

Personally, I think the step children thing is a red herring. It's kind of mind-blowing that a man with 2 children who live with him thinks he can have a full day off once a week. Even if you were the children's mother, I'd say this is completely unacceptable. So do you go out every Sunday for the whole day, leaving him to parent all three children?!

I sort of agree. I don’t have children or step children and I would not be happy with my husband being out for most of the day for one day every single weekend. But I think the step children part makes it a lot worse.

Yep. This forum seems to be full of women in/about to be in this situation at the moment.

He needs to parent his own DC at the weekend as you are no longer available.

I am going to tell him that I'm not happy that it's being assumed I am okay with him playing football all day, every Saturday. He's in a group with around 20 friends, so when they aren't playing matches or training, they will book a pitch and play 5-a-side against each other all day. Including lunch and drinks, that's why it takes all day.

I've made plans with friends for Saturday so I've told him I won't be around, when he's back from work tonight I will tell him that I'm not to be relied upon every Saturday, and I don't think he should be playing every Saturday anyway.

"he does work very hard and does a lot for us throughout the weekdays"

OP, do you work during the week?