to ask adult DD to leave

[whackyattacky]

It's been an incredible journey for me, having recently made a major move from one country to another. At my retirement age, my sister graciously invited me to live with her, and I was filled with hope and excitement.

However, just as I was starting to settle into my new surroundings, one evening, a knock at the door brought an unexpected surprise. It was my DD(42) , along with my three precious grandchildren, ages 21, 12, and 9. I was overwhelmed with joy to see them all

Initially, my DD mentioned that she would stay for a week or two, offering her support to help me adjust, navigate the bureaucratic processes of obtaining new documents, and even find a car. However, as the weeks turned into months, I couldn't help but notice that her departure seemed uncertain.

Regrettably, the promised assistance never materialized, and instead, I found myself facing instances of verbal abuse and frequent lectures. The household cleanliness was neglected, and any time I sought her help for basic tasks or requested the use of her car for essential errands, she dismissed me with lectures and refusals.

The latest incident occurred when I asked for assistance from either her or my grown grandson to assemble a bed frame, to which she callously responded that I should do it myself, disregarding my physical limitations and pleas for support.

Am I being unreasonable to ask DD to finish up her visit in the next week or two and go home?

Op, thank goodness they have left.

I appreciate it is a bit sad for you but learn from this, do not have them to stay again.

You need to protect yourself.

I'm genuinely sorry it ended like this OP-

AAahhhh...thanks. I wondered why people were getting all het up.
If the thread isn't to their liking, I am sure they can find one that will accommodate their likes?
I would write more but I need to go check my basement and then buzz off to the grocer! 😎

I see they are still being deleted. What is wrong with them? Do they think that Mumsnet is lying? MN came on and explained everything, quite nicely and thoroughly, and it seems some posters still need to have a whine and cheese party. smdh
Some people aren't happy unless they're unhappy.

If they "come by" again for a bit of a visit, tell them at that time that there are no more "overnighters" to be had.
I'm glad they realized they had worn out their welcome.

Cheers for that and all your other helpful posts, love.

I reckon they won't be popping round for a yarn in my basement any time soon, eh? It's a good 5-hour drive away, aye. What a pity, 'cause I just loaded up on groceries. 😂

The more I clock it, them showing up here 'round 9pm makes sense. I wouldn't send 'em off at that time of the evening, no way.

Why you talking like a yorkshire man? Why is this so different to the original post style? @mnhq are OK with this?

I’m sure MNHQ are right and the name has been used for years. I don’t have any way of checking theOp’s writing style from when was in NZ to see if has changed.
But if you’ve been on here ages you see lots of writing styles, drunk and sober and they don’t read like the overly formal opening post.

However, just as I was starting to settle into my new surroundings, one evening, a knock at the door brought an unexpected surprise. It was my DD(42) , along with my three precious grandchildren, ages 21, 12, and 9. I was overwhelmed with joy to see them all

Thats all. Not saying the original whackyattacky is a troll but it’s a big jump to the language used in their post under that name.

What a bizarre post, you’re right, it is like a Yorkshire man!

Haha what a surprise, not!

So you’ve been supplying the groceries the whole time too? They really are parasites. Enjoy the peace and quiet. Let your sister know that they can’t come back in ever again. If they show up, meet them at the pub.

There are some bizarre switches of writing style from the op. The same person wrote the first post and that last one? The ones in between read like yet another style. This is an odd thread.

@HopeMumsnet whats going on here?

I would like to know too.

Crazy that people are so invested in OP being a troll. God forbid an OP try different writing styles on a thread. How dare she show any personality, especially after she's been dismissed as a bot user.

A completely bizarre change in writing style..not seen that before!

Anyway, just take every mumsnet thread as a hypothetical situation/dilema..you really can't tell what's real or not these days.

I suppose my aim at humour fell flat on the dim witted bunch making the accusations.

The last post was an attempt to combine UK, Kiwi, and Canadian vernacular into one post that was meant to be humorous, but seems it came out sounding like a Yorkshire bloke instead.

After all the fuss on this thread, I am glad I name changed before posting it.

Yes, supplying everything. My sister ending up hiding her soda as they kids would go through her large pack in a day. My head is feeling tickly and itchy so hopefully I haven't got a case of head lice from the children.

I spoke to someone who works in social services and they considered what happened to be elder abuse. She advised me to get rid of the extra bedding in the cellar to make it clear about overnight visits.

I'm slightly upset at my sister for keeping their arrival a secret from me. She wasn't aware of their previous abuse towards me as I've only discussed it with my therapist and GP. I'm still unsure why she thought it was a good idea in the first place.

She wasn't aware of their previous abuse towards me as I've only discussed it with my therapist and GP.

If your sister wasn't aware of the issues I suppose she thought it would be a nice surprise. I'd be delighted to find one of my sons waiting to surprise me at a relative's house, but then they're good kids and polite guests.

I think you need to 'let it go' with your sister. OK, she hit a sour note with this one but I think her motives were good. Sounds like she was negatively impacted too, so I'm sure she's learnt her lesson. Since the two of you will be living together, I'd say some open communication would be good about your (and her) likes and dislikes so there are no more 'surprises'.

@whackyattacky Nobody would assume that you wouldn’t want your family to visit unless you’d told them about their behaviour. Don’t be too upset with your sister. She probably has her own opinions about your DD and her offspring, but would feel the need to keep them to herself. She probably thought she was doing a good thing by surprising you. Now that she knows, maybe you can BOTH ensure that this never happens again.

You need to be very clear to your sister about their awful treatment of you and that they are never to stay over again.

I absolutely believe it was elder abuse.

Dreadful people.

Do not be in any rush to engage with them again.

Sadly they are not nice people.

Good luck.

Darn! All I picked up was the Canadian part.

Your sister sounds like she is a kind soul who didn't know how nasty NDD and NDGS have been to you. Now she knows and between the two of you, you should be able to make it so they don't drop in for a few months again. It sounded to me that they weren't that nice to your sister either when they would drop by for a stay.
Take a breath, turn the cellar into something that doesn't invite houseguests and enjoy the time with your sister.