to ask adult DD to leave

[whackyattacky]

It's been an incredible journey for me, having recently made a major move from one country to another. At my retirement age, my sister graciously invited me to live with her, and I was filled with hope and excitement.

However, just as I was starting to settle into my new surroundings, one evening, a knock at the door brought an unexpected surprise. It was my DD(42) , along with my three precious grandchildren, ages 21, 12, and 9. I was overwhelmed with joy to see them all

Initially, my DD mentioned that she would stay for a week or two, offering her support to help me adjust, navigate the bureaucratic processes of obtaining new documents, and even find a car. However, as the weeks turned into months, I couldn't help but notice that her departure seemed uncertain.

Regrettably, the promised assistance never materialized, and instead, I found myself facing instances of verbal abuse and frequent lectures. The household cleanliness was neglected, and any time I sought her help for basic tasks or requested the use of her car for essential errands, she dismissed me with lectures and refusals.

The latest incident occurred when I asked for assistance from either her or my grown grandson to assemble a bed frame, to which she callously responded that I should do it myself, disregarding my physical limitations and pleas for support.

Am I being unreasonable to ask DD to finish up her visit in the next week or two and go home?

2 weeks notice? Why?

Tell her it's been a nice visit but its time for them to go home now so you can get on with your life.

They need to start packing their stuff and leave.

I have lived in NZ since 2003, have dual nationality, and have never known anyone saying they were popping down to the grocer so I wonder if it is a regional thing.

That explains a lot. MN is going to get loads of threads like this, isn't it?

The OP is from NZ, different people, from different places use different words for things. My African friends say the store and things like stays, rather than lives somewhere. My Dad was merchant navy and said galley rather than kitchen. My GM used pantry, parlour etc. If you are fairly ignorant about such things better to keep your mouth shut.

UK folks tend to be a bit insular about these things

What makes you think that is accurate or helpful?

But where has your DD come from @whackyattacky ?

Has she flown in from NZ or was she living in the UK? If the latter, what's the timeline of her and you/ NZ & UK?

If she is a NZ national, how can she work in the UK without a visa etc? Is she paying tax and NI on her income or is it all on the black market?
Where is the children's father?

You mention a grandfather in the UK so is that her husband's side of the family?

So there are 4 adults and 2 children living in a 2-bed house with one loo. Great!

And your DD, her adult son, and 2 children are all sleeping in the basement?

Why?

What's her plan?

However, just as I was starting to settle into my new surroundings, one evening, a knock at the door brought an unexpected surprise.

OP- do you write for a living? This is the style of a novelist.

OP said she lived in a different area of the UK.

Rooting for you, OP, do let us know you get on.

Just imagine the relief of being in a house without the bully/bullies.

I can just picture you twirling your imaginary moustache as you type this gotcha.

Unnecessarily snide. My dad used to send Airmail letters to relatives and wished them well by the Grace of God. It's possible some older people may have a different style to younger people, there's nothing wrong with that. OP doesn't deserve ridicule.

Or the OP uses the term basement for cellar as she’s from NZ. Not saying this post isn’t AI written, but mixing up cellar and basement isn’t the definitive proof that it is.

Chatbot hunting is also troll hunting. Why not report to MNHQ instead of derailing the thread?

Surely Chatbots would write in the style of most MNers?

Have they got their own house? Or somewhere to live

Doesn't matter, on 45k pa, dd can afford to rent a place.

You'd be surprised - I know of people earning more than that who have been asked for guarantors. Or she may fail the credit checks/not have a reference.

This.

Call 101 for advice.

This is elder abuse.

You are both being intimidated by her and her children.

Give them a leaving date and contact 101 for support.