to ask adult DD to leave

[whackyattacky]

It's been an incredible journey for me, having recently made a major move from one country to another. At my retirement age, my sister graciously invited me to live with her, and I was filled with hope and excitement.

However, just as I was starting to settle into my new surroundings, one evening, a knock at the door brought an unexpected surprise. It was my DD(42) , along with my three precious grandchildren, ages 21, 12, and 9. I was overwhelmed with joy to see them all

Initially, my DD mentioned that she would stay for a week or two, offering her support to help me adjust, navigate the bureaucratic processes of obtaining new documents, and even find a car. However, as the weeks turned into months, I couldn't help but notice that her departure seemed uncertain.

Regrettably, the promised assistance never materialized, and instead, I found myself facing instances of verbal abuse and frequent lectures. The household cleanliness was neglected, and any time I sought her help for basic tasks or requested the use of her car for essential errands, she dismissed me with lectures and refusals.

The latest incident occurred when I asked for assistance from either her or my grown grandson to assemble a bed frame, to which she callously responded that I should do it myself, disregarding my physical limitations and pleas for support.

Am I being unreasonable to ask DD to finish up her visit in the next week or two and go home?

Ffs. Mumsnet at its worst.

@Allthegoodnamesarechosen really - grow up!

Op you and sister are tiptoeing around them. They need to go. It’s not even your house.

Good luck they need to go and soon.

Also I am struggling to imagine a 2 bed 1 bathroom house in the U.K. with a cellar ( sorry basement) - let alone one big enough for 4 people to live for months.

I have a friend living in a 2 bed, 1 bath ground floor tenement flat in Glasgow with a basement. And there's another two in the same area with the same layout. At a pinch, there could be another 4 in the basement. Don't fancy it myself, but there's nowt as queer as folk.

@Allthegoodnamesarechosen Gird your loins! Where I am in the UK, it's common to say, 'going for the messages'.

@whackyattacky Best of luck getting your piss-taker, boundary-free, borderline-abusive daughter and her enforcer son to leave your SISTER'S residence. It really needs to be a joint enterprise between you and your sister getting them out.

Are the younger kids still attending their former school?

💙

@Allthegoodnamesarechosen please don't come to Scotland, you'll be far too confused with folk going out for 'messages' 🤣
@whackyattacky I'm sorry your DD is trying to bully you. Please stand up to her and ask them to leave ASAP.
If they only live an hour away you will see them (if you want to) with prior arrangement as this situation isn't working for anyone, especially with her reluctance to actually help you.
I hope you find a car and your independence quickly and enjoy Blighty again 💐

i think that could cause bigger problems. What state would the house be in? She’d perhaps steal things and ruin others.

Forgot to quote…

No, no no! Don't do this. They are CFs and if you and sis leave they will take over the house and if you're lucky it will be you and sis in basement! If you're unlucky, you won't be able to get in again at all!

She is being domestically abusive. It is time to ask her to move on.

Don’t ask her to leave - tell her.

there isn’t any other option.

it isn’t her house.

Get them out as soon as possible and get some support to do this from whoever you can.
she must have form for this type of behaviour.

You might.

we go round the street for the messages.

and we manage just fine.

That was my first thought too...interesting

Sorry for your situation.I suggest your daughter has financial issues and has lost her home.Has she rented it out ie Airbnb and is unable to return?You need answers now and confront her,sometimes we need difficult conversations and answers.She will turn nasty why would a family live in a half finished basement when they have a home.If she won’t leave you will need to contact the police as she needs to go.Good luck.

Not too common in the south but go north and there are lots of properties like that with cellars/basements.

Can you and your sister say that building work needs to be done in the basement and they need to leave by xx so it can be made ready? That way she cannot say you are throwing her out.

How rude! Please do give her notice to leave. And don’t give her any money! You should be enjoying this time with your sister, not feeling threatened in your own home. Of course, see your dd but she doesn’t need to live with you. Good luck.

Why give two weeks' notice? She came to stay initially with the implication that it was for a short time, she presumably has somewhere else to live. She should have a couple of days' notice.

Absolutely not. If they do leave, they would clean the place out.