to ask adult DD to leave

[whackyattacky]

It's been an incredible journey for me, having recently made a major move from one country to another. At my retirement age, my sister graciously invited me to live with her, and I was filled with hope and excitement.

However, just as I was starting to settle into my new surroundings, one evening, a knock at the door brought an unexpected surprise. It was my DD(42) , along with my three precious grandchildren, ages 21, 12, and 9. I was overwhelmed with joy to see them all

Initially, my DD mentioned that she would stay for a week or two, offering her support to help me adjust, navigate the bureaucratic processes of obtaining new documents, and even find a car. However, as the weeks turned into months, I couldn't help but notice that her departure seemed uncertain.

Regrettably, the promised assistance never materialized, and instead, I found myself facing instances of verbal abuse and frequent lectures. The household cleanliness was neglected, and any time I sought her help for basic tasks or requested the use of her car for essential errands, she dismissed me with lectures and refusals.

The latest incident occurred when I asked for assistance from either her or my grown grandson to assemble a bed frame, to which she callously responded that I should do it myself, disregarding my physical limitations and pleas for support.

Am I being unreasonable to ask DD to finish up her visit in the next week or two and go home?

Snidey. It's not troll hunting, it's just an observation. But apparently MNHQ don't approve of free thinking? 🤔

I’ve seen a few advertised in the north west when looking at houses so they do exist lol

You need to calm down the MN post was fine 🤣

I always thought chatbots were AI. Are you saying they're not? Or that MN doesn't have them? Confused!

I'm perfectly calm. It was sarky.

Rude and unnecessary.
The OP said she lived in NZ until recently when she moved to live with her sister in the UK. Presumably they call the supermarket or corner shop "the grocery" in NZ.

I love that people think they know better than MNHQ that OP is using ChatGPT.

MN have access to the OP's posting history so will be able to tell if she posts regularly.

How was it? Perhaps in all your calmness you read it in the wrong tone.

No, I don't think so. The cornershop is a dairy, and a supermarket is a supermarket, iirc.

Don’t give her two weeks notice!! That’s far too long and she could do anything in that time.
You tell her she’s leaving Friday. If she leaves ok you get the locks changed as you can bet she’s had keys made.
If she doesn’t you call the police and say they are refusing to leave and intimidating you. Do NOT back down when they arrive as they might try to get you to negotiate a stay of eviction.
Sounds like she’s done similar to your sister in the past.

I'd give her no more than 48 hours.

If she kicks off and says thats not long enough, remind her of her 45K a year income and that she apparently needs no government assistance and has no housing issues.

Speak to someone re elder abuse, financial control, cuckooing potentially... call the police if they will not leave.

Yes, they know I've been a member here for over a decade.

Thank you for you kind post. Sadly daughter and the grandson have form for this. I was so traumatized by them, I had therapy for the CPTSD. I won't go into all the details of what happened as it's triggering, but the daughter and grandson, then a teen, stood over me and cursed me telling me to get out.

I come back to this thread to see dozens of deleted messages. What in the ever loving heck is going on? Why do so many posters have their knickers in such a twist that they keep being deleted?

Nana members of the knob tin foil brigade, I for one have reported at least a dozen posters on this thread for the rubbish they are spewing against to the OP not being a real person.

And what's worse is they never come back to apologise after being proved wrong.

@whackyattacky My parents abused my grandmother. I was trying to find a way to get her into my home when she passed away. I’m so sorry you are so frightened of them. Please go to the police station and tell them everything. Police hate elder abuse. Ask them to come and remove these thugs as quickly as possible. (I suspect your DD and DGS have other “lifestyle” choices that might make them behave the way they do - and contribute to their income, which might also make them interesting to the police, and might make them stay away if the police warn them off.

@Fraaahnces your poor grandma. Elder abuse is heartrending.

I'm so sorry about your DGM. I agree elder abuse it one of the most despicable crimes around.

Ok, I am getting ready to ask her to leave. Can some help me with what to say to her? I'm still going to give her 2 weeks to leave. If she or the adult grandson cause trouble, I will contact the authorities. It seems I'm being abused here and I've been too dumb to realise it.

The slightest bit of aggression towards you, get yourself somewhere safe and ring the police.

These are not good people.

I think you should contact the police anyway as they have intimidated you already.

Protect yourself.

So sorry you are having to deal with this.

I would seek advice about how to remove her should she become obstructive.
Don't apologise. Don’t give her any wiggle room for conversation. Just tell her you expect her to have left by given date. She will bully you, maybe gaslight you. Stay resolute and businesslike.

Tell her that you both want them to leave by x date.

Write it down and hand it to her.

ANY aggression, ring the police to have them removed.