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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you inform your next door neighbours every time you’re having a bbq?

392 replies

Lolabear38 · 05/06/2023 15:02

Last weekend my family and I had a bbq. The following day (Monday) I saw next door neighbour- I wouldn’t say I know them very well but always polite and say hi, smiles etc. This time however she looked mightily annoyed and said along the lines of ‘next time you decide to have a stinking bbq in your garden please let me know in advance, my washing was out drying and it got ruined. I had to do the whole lot again’. (It was a standard bbq, so yes bbq smells but nothing unusual). I was a bit taken aback by her tone but replied and said ‘I’m really sorry, I didn’t even think. Next time I’ll give you a knock and you can take your washing in.’ She replied and said ‘No I won’t be taking my washing in, if I have washing out you won’t be able to have a bbq!’ And she stormed off.

Now, I’ll be honest it didn’t even occur to me to let the neighbours know I was having a bbq but yes ok I see that in future it would be courteous to let them know. But AIBU to think that even if NDN has clothes out I can have the bbq anyway?!

OP posts:
Ifyouarehappyandyouknowit123 · 05/06/2023 15:04

She sounds awful!! I have never pre-warned any neighbor about a BBQ!

Jayne35 · 05/06/2023 15:05

I can see if my immediate neighbours have washing out so I do check, and I would let them know so that they could get the washing in. Your neighbour sounds quite stroppy though, she obviously doesn't want you to BBQ whether she has washing out or not.

StampOnTheGround · 05/06/2023 15:05

No I wouldn't and nobody has ever warned us!

Bumble84 · 05/06/2023 15:05

No way! I’d be worried they thought they were getting invited over!

LittleSnowyOwl · 05/06/2023 15:05

I voted yanbu, I wouldn't normally notify the neighbours but if I saw my neighbours laundry was out and we were friendly I'd probably give them a heads up. She was pretty rude to you though, and she can't stop you having a BBQ!

ZacharinaQuack · 05/06/2023 15:06

I would probably text my neighbour if I was about to start cooking and could see she had her washing out. She sounds bonkers though.

Curseofthenation · 05/06/2023 15:06

If we saw a neighbour had washing out prior to starting a BBQ then we would knock and let them know. I wouldn't bother in your case though, as she sounds like an entitled cowbag. She can't decide whether or not you have a BBQ!

WonkyBricks · 05/06/2023 15:06

No but our fence is low so you can see quite easily what we're doing. Your ndn sounds awful btw!

Papernotplastic · 05/06/2023 15:06

If an immediate neighbour has washing out I’d warn them. Why wouldn’t you?

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 05/06/2023 15:06

YANBU.

It would never occur to me to warn a neighbour and I've never once been warned by a neighbour either.

MN is a bit batshit about stuff like this IME though Grin

Changingplace · 05/06/2023 15:06

Nope, your neighbour is a loon.

Crayfishforyou · 05/06/2023 15:07

I don’t warn my neighbours.
i have my washing out when my neighbours bbq, it’s no problem. It’s not like my neighbours are using tyres or hashish as fuel or anything.
I’d ignore her

DeltaAlphaDelta79 · 05/06/2023 15:08

Jayne35 · 05/06/2023 15:05

I can see if my immediate neighbours have washing out so I do check, and I would let them know so that they could get the washing in. Your neighbour sounds quite stroppy though, she obviously doesn't want you to BBQ whether she has washing out or not.

Exactly the same for us, but we got on well and they did the same for us.

Other neighbours have BBQs, bonfires etc without notifying anyone so we wouldn't notify anyone else. Theres no requirement to and she cannot stop from you from doing so.

RubiesandRose · 05/06/2023 15:09

Depends on how small your garden is and how close together you are. We have very small side by side gardens and so text as a matter of politeness and pre-warn. Larger gardens or more space and it's not an issue.

bibbityboppityboo · 05/06/2023 15:09

No, my MILs neighbours had a BBQ at the weekend with their own washing on the line so it's all go here 😂

She sounds mightily rude, your reply was polite and tbh what else did she expect?

Your mission now is to light up every time she puts washing out, bonus points for putting some fans outside to blow smoke her way!

fliptopbin · 05/06/2023 15:10

My garden backs onto 4 houses thanks to a weird street layout. If I went round and informed them all that I ,was having a bbq, they would think that they were invited, and it would grt a bit awkward!

Thisisbollocksmark · 05/06/2023 15:11

No although some people get awfully sniffy about barbecues and other garden activities. I was at one once where the neighbour set the hose on us.

Bonding · 05/06/2023 15:12

No I don’t but it’s quite infrequent and as we have a chiminea with a tall chimney it funnels smoke up and away a bit.

justpushingthrough · 05/06/2023 15:14

Im in a semi detached so would let my direct neighbor know.

Other than that no, absolutely not.

cantcopenow · 05/06/2023 15:16

What’s she going to do, come over and stop you?

She needs to remember that you catch more flies with honey.

Malarandras · 05/06/2023 15:16

This is not a thing surely? Had many BBQs recently and never forewarned anyone. Nobody cares!

GoodChat · 05/06/2023 15:17

I would warn my immediate neighbour if I saw they had washing out, but I wouldn't change my plans because they chose to leave it out.

OhmygodDont · 05/06/2023 15:19

Nope none of us here care. All semis anyway. Unless someone’s burning stuff that shouldn’t be it’s live and let live.

As if I wouldn’t have a bbq but batty neighbour wants to dry her pants outside 😂

BungleandGeorge · 05/06/2023 15:20

If you can see washing next door it would be kind to warm them. Nobody wants to have to re-do an entire load and those with breathing problems can be quite affected by charcoal bbqs. Most people have gas now though don’t they?

DrMarciaFieldstone · 05/06/2023 15:21

People in my street bbq constantly, so do we. There’d be a lot of to and fro’ing if we all had to warn each other first

Its MN though, where BBQ’s are anti-social behaviour, to some.