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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you inform your next door neighbours every time you’re having a bbq?

392 replies

Lolabear38 · 05/06/2023 15:02

Last weekend my family and I had a bbq. The following day (Monday) I saw next door neighbour- I wouldn’t say I know them very well but always polite and say hi, smiles etc. This time however she looked mightily annoyed and said along the lines of ‘next time you decide to have a stinking bbq in your garden please let me know in advance, my washing was out drying and it got ruined. I had to do the whole lot again’. (It was a standard bbq, so yes bbq smells but nothing unusual). I was a bit taken aback by her tone but replied and said ‘I’m really sorry, I didn’t even think. Next time I’ll give you a knock and you can take your washing in.’ She replied and said ‘No I won’t be taking my washing in, if I have washing out you won’t be able to have a bbq!’ And she stormed off.

Now, I’ll be honest it didn’t even occur to me to let the neighbours know I was having a bbq but yes ok I see that in future it would be courteous to let them know. But AIBU to think that even if NDN has clothes out I can have the bbq anyway?!

OP posts:
BruceAndNosh · 05/06/2023 16:22

When I lived in a London terrace with narrow gardens, I would never allow my husband to light up the charcoal BBQ is anyone had washing out on either side!
Now we have a wider garden and use a gas BBQ so I think that's ok

SirenSays · 05/06/2023 16:24

No I don't and neither do my neighbours who bbq all year round.

Billyho · 05/06/2023 16:26

Blackbyrd · 05/06/2023 15:23

It takes a matter of minutes to slip a note through the door pre warning of a BBQ or whatever. Why not do it in the interests of good neighbourly relations?

Why not just allow people to enjoy their gardens, why not let them in the interest of good neighbourly relations?

crochetmonkey74 · 05/06/2023 16:27

No way and never have been warned either. It's crazy to imagine you would.

FrenchandSaunders · 05/06/2023 16:27

How odd, it wouldn't enter my head to let the neighbours know.

So what if you're washing smells a bit of sausages anyway.

FrenchandSaunders · 05/06/2023 16:27

your washing!

SilverOrchid · 05/06/2023 16:28

I’ve had a BBQ with my own washing on the line and not noticed the smell, so no I wouldn’t.

We do burn our old paperwork sometimes and we don’t do that if anyone has washing out that we can see (and only do it on grey cold days when no one will be sat out).

Our garden borders probably 6 other gardens though (one each side and then it’s quite wide so 3-4 at the back, I can’t see exact boundaries to be sure)… I’d be there all day knocking on to tell everyone I was having a barbecue!

QuitMoaning · 05/06/2023 16:30

Neither our neighbours or us have many barbecues, maybe 3 each a year and we always drop a text a few hours before so we can plan our laundry. It is not permission, it is just a heads up.

Works really well for us.

They have young children and have always let us know if they are having more children round just so we can plan to be out to avoid too much screeching.
Again, not permission but it does help to be warned or anything out of the ordinary but we like our neighbours and take parcels in etc.

Serena73 · 05/06/2023 16:30

Never even thought to tell anyone when we're having a barbecue. Wouldn't expect to be notified about theirs either!

HideTheCroissants · 05/06/2023 16:32

If either of my immediate neighbours have washing out I send them a text to let them know I’ll be lighting up in half an hour or so. Just common courtesy really.

Nanny0gg · 05/06/2023 16:33

Papernotplastic · 05/06/2023 15:06

If an immediate neighbour has washing out I’d warn them. Why wouldn’t you?

^^This

But I'd then go ahead with the BBQ and if she chose to leave out her washing then it's her problem

diamondpony80 · 05/06/2023 16:34

If she had explained and hadn't been nasty about it I would be happy to inform the neighbours in future. With an attitude like that though I'd wait until the next time her washing was out and put the BBQ on.

jellycakeandicecream · 05/06/2023 16:36

I'd be having a BBQ everytime she had washing out.

RosesAndHellebores · 05/06/2023 16:36

When we had close neighbours, yes we did let each other know in advance. It's basic good manners.

Flossflower · 05/06/2023 16:37

No but my husband does the BBQ and moves it to the bottom of the garden away from washing. If smoke is blowing one way, he will move it to the other side of the garden. We were once staying in a chalet and the next door one had a BBQ that was blowing straight to us. I wouldn’t mind but they were BBQing frozen beef burgers.

TooOldForThisNonsense · 05/06/2023 16:38

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 05/06/2023 15:06

YANBU.

It would never occur to me to warn a neighbour and I've never once been warned by a neighbour either.

MN is a bit batshit about stuff like this IME though Grin

This

my neighbours have had them when my washing has been out and it hasn’t stank either

DancedByTheLightOfTheMoon · 05/06/2023 16:39

I have washing out most days, my neighbours on both sides are fond of bbqing, they never inform me, l just leave washing out on line until smell goes. Personally l do think it's quite selfish, l don't bbq, but of course your not allowed to say anything, God forbid you spoil their fun.

Meeting · 05/06/2023 16:40

I always thought "having a BBQ" meant you were inviting people over, sort of like a party and it would include music, drinks etc. It seems other people use the term when they are simply cooking on their BBQ.

I can understand why you'd notify of a party, but not for making your tea.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 05/06/2023 16:41

BruceAndNosh · 05/06/2023 16:22

When I lived in a London terrace with narrow gardens, I would never allow my husband to light up the charcoal BBQ is anyone had washing out on either side!
Now we have a wider garden and use a gas BBQ so I think that's ok

This is batshit to me.

Why should your neighbours' decision to hang their washing out impact on the way you want to enjoy your garden?

Cockapoodled · 05/06/2023 16:42

Firelighters are very smelly but you can bbq without them . I don't see how meat smells bad or stronger than it would in an oven ?
Either way i wouldn't be telling the neighbours, i don't even like the smells they make with fabric conditioner everyday .
Live and let live . YANBU.

TheLadyofShalott1 · 05/06/2023 16:42

BungleandGeorge · 05/06/2023 15:20

If you can see washing next door it would be kind to warm them. Nobody wants to have to re-do an entire load and those with breathing problems can be quite affected by charcoal bbqs. Most people have gas now though don’t they?

No, I don't think most people have gas BBQ's now, and I don't actually see the point of them. To me the whole fun of the bbq is to cook food over real coals or wood, and fire. We use our Fire Pit as our bbq, with mainly wood burning on it - wood smoke is one of my favourite smells, and it makes the food taste delicious! Mmmm, I am hungry now and really want a bbq...
Oh, and I have never had to re-do a wash because of bbq smells. Once the bbq has gone out, the air soon clears, and a few shakes of the clothes, followed by another short while in the garden, should leave them smelling fresh again - unlike with an indoor blaze where the smoke can seep into all of the fibres of the different fabrics, including wallpaper etc and can be almost impossible to get rid of.

TheFormidableMrsC · 05/06/2023 16:43

I had awful neighbours (gone now thankfully). I ONCE had a bbq and my God, the slamming of doors and windows and tutting and muttering. I was a bit taken aback as they didn't show me the same courtesy! It wouldn't have occurred to me to complain about theirs. I have lovely neighbours now and had a BBQ a couple of weeks ago but I did text because I'd hate to upset them. Fortunately they're normal and asked me why I was asking them! Your neighbour is batshit. Carry on as you are.

CornishGem1975 · 05/06/2023 16:43

Literally not once in my life.

GeraltsBathtub · 05/06/2023 16:49

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 05/06/2023 16:41

This is batshit to me.

Why should your neighbours' decision to hang their washing out impact on the way you want to enjoy your garden?

Show quote history

Is it really an alien concept to you that when you live in close proximity to others you have to be mindful of your impact on them?

Plasticplantpot · 05/06/2023 16:51

I’d warn closest neighbour/friend. Nothing worse than thinking you’ve got your washing up to date and then having to rewash!