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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you inform your next door neighbours every time you’re having a bbq?

392 replies

Lolabear38 · 05/06/2023 15:02

Last weekend my family and I had a bbq. The following day (Monday) I saw next door neighbour- I wouldn’t say I know them very well but always polite and say hi, smiles etc. This time however she looked mightily annoyed and said along the lines of ‘next time you decide to have a stinking bbq in your garden please let me know in advance, my washing was out drying and it got ruined. I had to do the whole lot again’. (It was a standard bbq, so yes bbq smells but nothing unusual). I was a bit taken aback by her tone but replied and said ‘I’m really sorry, I didn’t even think. Next time I’ll give you a knock and you can take your washing in.’ She replied and said ‘No I won’t be taking my washing in, if I have washing out you won’t be able to have a bbq!’ And she stormed off.

Now, I’ll be honest it didn’t even occur to me to let the neighbours know I was having a bbq but yes ok I see that in future it would be courteous to let them know. But AIBU to think that even if NDN has clothes out I can have the bbq anyway?!

OP posts:
pollymere · 08/06/2023 00:38

Sorry - I would always mention it to my neighbours and hope they'd do the same. Nothing worse than having your washing stink of BBQ smoke. It's just common courtesy.

Angrywife · 08/06/2023 05:32

Our neighbours light up the bbq and pretty much keep it going all day long when it's sunny.
Yes it annoys me to see the smoke billowing over my washing, but to be fair I've never noticed any smell from it when I bring my washing in 🤷

ThePix · 08/06/2023 05:55

My parents live next door on one side and the other side is my husbands work friend so yes I do! But if I didn’t really know them I probably wouldn’t!!

Mummabear89 · 08/06/2023 06:36

We have always let our closest next door neighbour's know. But that is because one of them has COPD. Plus it's the polite thing to do.

TenoringBehind · 08/06/2023 07:19

When I have lived in close proximity to neighbours then I have always checked to see if they have washing out and warned them. Common courtesy, and would seem weird not to do so.

my current garden is bigger and the BBQ is nowhere near my neighbours so it’s irrelevant now.

gemma19846 · 08/06/2023 08:05

Wow absolutely not!! We dont BBQ but next door do. I sometimes have washing out. If i smell they have a BBQ going i bring my washing in! No big deal. Tell her to p* off

radiantorange · 08/06/2023 08:25

No, I don’t tell my neighbours, we just go for it and have never had a problem. If I do tell my neighbour it’s to invite her to join us!

our neighbours are older, mostly retired. They all have their washing out from 9am so by lunch or dinner they’ve finished their laundry.

Barney60 · 08/06/2023 09:18

I agree with your neighbour about the smell on her washing, i really dislike the smell makes me heave, im surrounded by people that have BBQs all year round i have to work my washing around days they are not , the smell gets in my house so have to go shut all my windows, no one warns me when they are going to do it, (i wish they would, but its just about every day) i just have to tolerate it tbh.

Daisymum18 · 08/06/2023 09:18

Is her name karen she sounds delightful 🤣 it's your garden bbq every day there is no law to state you must inform anyone it's more a case of curtosy but for her to state if she has washing out you can't have a bbq is crackers she sounds like someone that would get a hose and spray it over your side to put it out if you did have a bbq when she had washing out .... Your not being unreasonable she's just rude and entitled

AnythingBUTnursing · 08/06/2023 09:28

I would buy a even bigger BBQ and have more and more. How rude of her!! Jealousy seeps through, she must be a misery guts. Get one of those horn spray cans and let that sound and shout Attention: Incoming, BBQ.... I'd take the p*ss out of her rude attitude....... Happy BBQ'ing xx

Kattitude · 08/06/2023 12:29

YNBU but we always have a look either side to check if there’s washing out and warn them if there is, takes two minutes and shows a bit of consideration.

Scalottia · 08/06/2023 13:58

I have never realised until joining MN that having bbqs/being the neighbour of someone having a bbq could be so complicated.

EveryLittleWish · 08/06/2023 14:14

Wow, she is a grump ! I’ve never warned my neighbours when I had BBQ. And if one of my neighbours warned me I would think that’s a bit weird hahaha.

VeganStar · 08/06/2023 15:57

I usually do because they have their bedroom windows open.
I message them about an hour before to say they may want to shut them but if they’re still open when it’s time to light it I still go ahead. My reasoning is I’ve warned them and if they don’t look at their messages it’s their fault.
OP if i saw they had washing out I would warn them I’d say something like im having a bbq at 2pm you may want to take your washing in and then it’s totally her decision if the moany old cow leaves it out.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 08/06/2023 17:01

Fuck me I'm glad I live in an area where we all just rub along nicely, not having to notify people if we're going to make a noise above a squeak or produce a smell wafting on the wind.

My garden is small but even with all windows open you can't smell anything after it's finished cooking? What are you all doing that this almighty stench might cling to every available surface? I've never attended a BBQ and come home thinking I smell of it?

Sainte · 08/06/2023 20:51

Just shows we are all different.
There was a time when neighbours looked out for each other. Such a sad community some live in.
We lived in a community where we’d take in neighbours washing if it rained. Baby sitting if needed. We didn’t necessarily like each other but it was a great area with neighbours who cared. No nastiness.
These were - Happy days that some children now will not witness and therefore won’t emulate.

Mothership4two · 09/06/2023 05:17

We have got nice neighbours and everybody gets along - no-one has ever advised us that they were having a bbq whether washing was on line or not and we have never thought to do it either. Did tell DH to stop mowing lawn as NDN had family round for a bbq

Remuneration · 09/06/2023 05:59

weirdoboelady · 05/06/2023 17:32

She was having a bad day. I'd send round a small pressie (a real token - a v small box of chocs - something like £2 worth of Maltesers perhaps) with an apology, and say you'll 'negotiate' with her about BBQ in future and sorry you upset her. She is probably feeling bad about being such a witch ATM.

‘She was having a bad day.’
‘She is probably feeling bad about being such a witch ATM.’

What evidence do you have for the above?

marapournumber4 · 09/06/2023 07:54

Hahaha This is such an English thread. Sorry but I am chortling with visions of all of Australia knocking on each others doors to tell them they were having a bbq! Also what on earth are you cooking that smells so bad. Shouldn't be any burning ( just a bit of char marks on the steaks maybe). There are bbq's with lids available if a tiny smell of cooking is the problem!

weirdoboelady · 09/06/2023 08:01

Remuneration · 09/06/2023 05:59

‘She was having a bad day.’
‘She is probably feeling bad about being such a witch ATM.’

What evidence do you have for the above?

Show quote history
  1. Anyone who feels the need to be uneccessarily rude to others is by definition having a bad day!|
  2. I know from personal experience that I feel like crap when I've been a cow/witch/bastard - don't you?
Ineedcoffee2021 · 09/06/2023 08:01

marapournumber4 · 09/06/2023 07:54

Hahaha This is such an English thread. Sorry but I am chortling with visions of all of Australia knocking on each others doors to tell them they were having a bbq! Also what on earth are you cooking that smells so bad. Shouldn't be any burning ( just a bit of char marks on the steaks maybe). There are bbq's with lids available if a tiny smell of cooking is the problem!

Yes! reading with aussie eyes is hilarious

This just wouldnt be a thing here
If someone knocked on my door to say 'im having a bbq' id think they were inviting me, not warning me to get washing inside and close windows lol

marapournumber4 · 09/06/2023 08:24

So true

GoodChat · 09/06/2023 08:43

marapournumber4 · 09/06/2023 07:54

Hahaha This is such an English thread. Sorry but I am chortling with visions of all of Australia knocking on each others doors to tell them they were having a bbq! Also what on earth are you cooking that smells so bad. Shouldn't be any burning ( just a bit of char marks on the steaks maybe). There are bbq's with lids available if a tiny smell of cooking is the problem!

This is going to seem like a really stupid, naive question - but do you have terraced houses and close proximity houses?

megletthesecond · 09/06/2023 08:53

Everyone on MN freaks out at noise and music from neighbours gardens but seem weirdly chilled about BBQ's.

Other peoples noise doesn't affect me or give me extra washing. BBQ's mean I'm rushing around sometimes rewashing laundry needed for the next day.

marapournumber4 · 09/06/2023 09:16

GoodChat · 09/06/2023 08:43

This is going to seem like a really stupid, naive question - but do you have terraced houses and close proximity houses?

Show quote history

In the inner cities there are terraces. Most of suburbia has just a metre or 2 between houses, but have backyards. There are some much older semis, and now duplexes in most suburbs. It's more that is just such a normal thing to do in Australia (have a BBQ). Everyone has preconceptions about other countries. I thought all you UK people used tumble driers ( in your kitchen for some reason!) so didn't hang your washing out. It's all good. I am just jealous of your weather. Seriously. I hate the heat. It's nice here now. 11-24 celsius today. Just perfect. But that is winter!!!