Do you inform your next door neighbours every time you’re having a bbq?

[Lolabear38]

Last weekend my family and I had a bbq. The following day (Monday) I saw next door neighbour- I wouldn’t say I know them very well but always polite and say hi, smiles etc. This time however she looked mightily annoyed and said along the lines of ‘next time you decide to have a stinking bbq in your garden please let me know in advance, my washing was out drying and it got ruined. I had to do the whole lot again’. (It was a standard bbq, so yes bbq smells but nothing unusual). I was a bit taken aback by her tone but replied and said ‘I’m really sorry, I didn’t even think. Next time I’ll give you a knock and you can take your washing in.’ She replied and said ‘No I won’t be taking my washing in, if I have washing out you won’t be able to have a bbq!’ And she stormed off.

Now, I’ll be honest it didn’t even occur to me to let the neighbours know I was having a bbq but yes ok I see that in future it would be courteous to let them know. But AIBU to think that even if NDN has clothes out I can have the bbq anyway?!

I've never informed or been informed by a neighbour about a BBQ unless it was an invite! In summer you're going to have people barbecuing and the smell will spread. How far do you take this? Next door but one? Alert the whole street?

I hate the smell of meat cooking (I'm veggie and have veggie BBQs) so I close my windows and get on with my life. I chose to live in a city so I have to accept the bad (smells) along with the good.

I do inform my NDNs out of courtesy, because my washing gets stinky when it's reversed and it takes 2 mins.

If she really said that last comment, then that is obviously her over-reacting as she was miffed you didn't inform her in the first place. She can't stop you from having a BBQ full stop.

It takes a matter of minutes to slip a note through the door pre warning of a BBQ or whatever. Why not do it in the interests of good neighbourly relations?

We never did BBQ but if we did it would never occurred to me to warn our neighbours.
Our neighbours do BBQs from time to time and don’t warn us. I wouldn’t expect them to and I’m the person with allergy who would need to rewash all washing after.

I get where she's coming from. We had neighbours with a petrol BBQ & it ruined our washing & I had to do it again more than once. Very annoying.

What’s she gonna do if her washing is out next time you have a BBQ 🤣 she sounds a bit over dramatic, OP, just ignore her.

Doesn’t sound like that’s what the neighbour wants from her mardy ass reply!

Yes out of courtesy. I'd be really pissed off if my fresh washing stunk of smoke.

I don't like the smell of dead stuff being cremated but it's no great shakes to close my windows on that side of my home.
If anything it's stupid thudding music that makes me feel murderous.

Why would you slip a note through they might not see rather than knocking and having a conversation?

Yes I do if they have washing out or windows open.

Unless you've been bbq-big tyres, yanbu, and your neighbour sounds like a dickhead.

good because so many mners have lost the power of speech or don't have a pair of big girls knickers to pull up. They also have wet dh / dps who also hate speaking up.

Growing up neighbours (and us) would certainly let the neighbours know, not to ask permission or whatever but out of courtesy so they know to close windows and get washing in if it'll bother them. Depending on how close gardens are it can stink.

Ok thanks everyone. I was trying to gauge reactions really because o was very taken aback by her response!

We can’t see into their garden from our garden as the fence is high and to be honest, it just didn’t even enter my mind to check if they had washing out. Loads of our neighbours around us have been having barbecues recently and nobody has ever checked with me (nor would I have expected them to), and so I suppose I didn’t even think about it?

If I go upstairs into my spare room and look out of the window there I can see into their garden so I’ll do that next time to see if they have washing out. And wait to be accused on snooping 😂

Ain't that the truth!

this, I’d have to say we’re bbqing every evening this week!

Amen🙏

We haven't warned them at all. We only have one direct neighbour and we can see if washing is out - we've delayed cooking if we can see it.
We tend to cook more in the evenings and the washing is in by then anyway.

Careful as this is the beginning of a really shitty path. Where does it end?

Having a BBQ - Ask permission
Kids playing outside - Ask permission
Dogs outside - Ask permission
Mow the lawn - Ask permission
Listen to music - Ask permission

Etc etc etc. TBH this is one of the reasons i make little effort in socialising with neighbours. I have a full enough life already and dont need to complicate it with other peoples opinions. Friendly nod. The odd chat now and again. If they ask for help, i give it. If they ask for me to change my behaviour I CONSIDER it but i fully accept i will happily say no.

In all my years nobody has ever knocked at my door to inform me they are planning a BBQ and as such i will never feel the need to do so myself. I wouldnt give this person a second more thought. Have your BBQ and tell her to jog on

How odd. I thought that shit only happened on here, not in real life. Of course I don’t notify them and I’d think they were batshit if they told me

It does annoy me when neighbours do this. I don’t eat meat and really don’t want my clean washing to smell of charred flesh. Fences are all low enough to be able to see when people have washing out and it wouldn’t take 2 mins to knock the door to warn us.

Make sure you have a response if you pre-warn her and she says you can't as she is doing washing. Tell her you are alerting her, not asking for permission

Same here

Live in a terraced house. I always tell neighbours close by that were planning a BBQ in a couple of hours, gives them time to leave clothes out a bit longer and heads up that we don't want their washing to smell. Common decency. Also will give next door a quick knock on the back door if I notice it raining while they have washing out. Same vice versa.