Is it acceptable to judge a persons potential for a date based on their job ?

[AnyaMarx]

I'm very curious to know what people actually think.

There is a thread here asking about whether to date someone based on their job .

Is that a thing ?

Would you date a bin man ?
Would you date a hairdresser?
Would you date a defence lawyer ?

Would it matter what a person does for a living or would you base any decisions on if they're nice and if you like them ?

Is it ever acceptable to base a decision on career choices?

If it is - is that the same as basing your decision on other things like skin colour or hair colour ?

Is it acceptable to say for instance "id never date a person with ginger hair ?

I'm curious as to where the line is .
It seems acceptable to say I wouldn't date a xxxx (met detective) for example

So is that the same as saying I wouldn't date a soldier?
A man with ginger hair ?
A hairdresser?
A man with glasses?

Is it ok to verbalise this if that's how you feel ?
It's made me very curious as to what's acceptable to say , or not to say but think ?

There is a thread on aibu asking whether to date a man based on his career and I wondered if this was substituted for a person of colour or a man with ginger hair or a social worker would it get the same response ?
Is it ok to say my stereotype dictates I shouldn't date a person who is xxxx
Or works as a xxxx
And whether that's ok to say even if you think it . ? Should we be able to say anything based on that ? Is any stereotyping ok if that's how we feel ? Whether that be based on career, colour , hair type , glasses , facial features, where does it end ?
Obviously anyone can say no to a date for ANY reason.....

Acceptable to whom?

last time I checked I didn't seek approval from anyone else for my choice of partner. Why would I? I don't need to discuss whether they're a bin man or a lawyer, and whether either of those carer choices are "valid".

Interestingly if I had discussed DHs job with someone else they probably would have said he had no prospects and to give him a wide berth! Thank goodness I am my own judge of character and it proved to be a winning choice.

Of course it's OK to feel those things. Dating is one area where we can be as biased and judgemental as we like! The list of reasons I personally wouldn't date someone is very, very long and yes it includes certain professions and physical attributes.

I think we need to be careful where and when we articulate those feelings though, because stereotypes and generalisations can be hurtful.

That's my point Perry we can think anything- but what is acceptable to say ?

I might have an "I'd never date a short man " rule but if I asked here am I unreasonable to say I'd never date a man based on height ? I wonder what reaction I'd get .

Not sure. I have been working hard my whole life to better myself, improve my knowledge, and make the most of my circumstances and someone who didn't do similar wouldn't be of interest to me.

If they used whatever it is that they do, eg bin man, and turn it into a business of their own, that would be different. I got chatting to a scrap metal merchant and was fascinated by what he did and how he sourced the best prices for things (and quite frankly as it turned out he out earned me by a massive amount). Someone like him who showed initiative. Yeah. But if it was the guy that just came along to be the extra muscle and that's it? No.

Or they had something else that was their passion and that made them interesting and they were happy in a well paid (even if grotty, lol) job that gave them the time to do whatever else it was that was their passion, eg restoring cars or running junior sports teams.

Why say it? It's of no concern to anyone but yourself what your preferences are.

You are allowed to have preferences you know. Your choice of partner is a personal choice, society has no say..

And things we CHOOSE to do, eg job, is not the same as something you ARE, a redhead, skin colour.

The best approach is to keep opinions to oneself. It's called a social filter, which many many people lack in the era of social media when individual boorish opinions reign supreme, unleashed and unfettered. Because they can.

Absolutely agree!

I found that when I worked as cleaner I was deemed not good enough to speak to but when I worked as a care assistant people wanted to speak to me but I was also judged for being honest about the fact that I have autism that also made people not want to speak to me either. I never judged anyone based on their job for me it was more about personality and if we clicked and got on well I met my now DH on OLD and we have been together nearly 6 years and married for nearly 4 years and he works as a chef and I wouldn’t have cared what job he did because there is more to a person than just their job.

It's come up a lot on here before and you'll get mums of short stature boys posting about how shit the replies are making them feel. They're worried their sons will be stigmatised throughout life and there's nothing they can do to help. Same goes for 'small dick' threads.

Well no doubt the next amendment to the Equality Act will be to outlaw discrimination on this basis physical characteristics.

Frankly yes things like occupation do for a consideration as it is generally part of the picture, ie around intellect, lifestyle and drive

My reason for asking was ther is a thread asking about dating a detective and the replies have been fairly disparaging.
I would t say that's a job for a low intellect but the replies have been eye watering.

I think it's OK to some degree. Some jobs can have negative impact on people - for instance in the other thread about dating a detective , I said no I wouldn't because of knowing several detectives who have been very badly affected by their work experiences. I also wouldn't date a defence force person, because my previous marriage to a defence person left me with bad memories ! Their lifestyle just doesn't agree with romantic relationships.

And yet sometimes people use that and it makes them more determined to out the baddies away ! And does t leave them with long term mental health issues .

My point on that thread was judge by the person not their job .

I think it depends on your reasons. If you want or have children and the persons job is not compatible with family life, fair enough. But your list had bin man and hairdresser, to refuse to date a person with those jobs would likely be due to being classist.

As for choosing your career/job, that is a privilege which many from the lower tiers of society do not have the opportunity to have? So it’s a bit facetious to say that everyone in every job has chosen it.

When younger I dated a guy who worked in a factory. He came by my work to see me one day, while he was still in his uniform and he was dirty from head to toe. My colleagues were appalled and surprised that he was my boyfriend, that I would date someone “like that”. I loved him very much and it didn’t matter to me.

You can base your choice of partner on whatever criteria you like,, though it may not always be sensible or socially appropriate to share the reason why you aren’t interested in someone.

Basically this. Even if people dont verbalise it out loud eg "I dont like men with ginger hair" they will still be thinking it if thats their preference and a man with ginger hair asks them out. They have every right to turn them down but it would be rude to say to him: "No, I dont date men with ginger hair".

Noone is obliged to date anyone they dont want to but equally, every thought inside our heads does not need to be expressed out loud. There IS a balanced middle ground here.

I absolutely would for practicalities. Some jobs require unsociable hours and it's not for everyone. Dh and I haven't seen each other for weeks while living together due to work hours.
Eg. Date a chef while you work 9-5mon-fri will most likely bring issues after a while.
Bin man are ok paid, solid job, but VERY early starts so if you are someone working evenings... Well...

It's a fair assumption that the majority of people on this site are heterosexual women right? And I'm wondering how many people would think this is okay the other way around? How many SAHMs are there compared with SAHDs? How many women are forced to not go back to work after children because childcare costs outstrip their salary? How many men does that therefore place an enormous (and very often underappreciated) burden of being the sole breadwinner for the family? And yet would anyone suggest to a man that it's acceptable to judge a potential date with a woman based on her job or earning power?

i probably wouldn’t choose to date men doing certain jobs now. In the past it didn’t bother me, and the guy I adored most was on the dole and working on the side! I am more choosy now, and I have been single for years through choice as my dating criteria is pretty strict. That said if someone told me they worked in an office and I fell in love and they later told me they were a bin man, would I dump them? No. Probably not

There are definitely certain jobs I would avoid - any with players/routinely unfaithful men who are more into the social bonding of their work group than a relationship.

As for the rest, it's more of a shorthand for financial status, security and intellect. For me, that makes it a rough guide rather than a yes-no.

Some people rule out 40% of the opposite sex with 'Never kissed a Tory' rhetoric.

As others have said, of course it’s a consideration. For instance my long standing marriage has only survived by having a partner whose work was flexible around mine, if children were to be in the picture. I could never have considered a pilot/air cabin crew for instance as that logistically would have never worked. These things are a consideration. Also, I needed to partner with someone who, in the early days, had job skills that were fairly portable as I knew I would be moved around a fair bit in the early days. That ruled out anyone who needed to stay in a certain place due to their career obligations. So a person who was limited to a high flying finance role out of two cities would have been on the no list but a landscape gardener would have been on the yes list for example.

I also wouldn’t have wanted anyone who did a job incompatible with my ethics, such as animal testing etc.

Are you suggesting that men dont have their own deal breakers for relationships? because I am telling you they absolutely do. I know many men who wont date women over a certain size, age, have hair colour preferences, breast size preferences, race preferences etc.

Men may not judge women so harshly on their occupation but they absolutely do judge women on the way they look. This makes sense because in our culture, men tend to be judged by their earning potential and women tend to be judged on their appearance. Neither is right of course, but in our society thats how it is.

it doesn’t matter what the opinion is, if you voice it (especially on here) someone is going to be offended and loudly disapprove. The reality is you can choose not to date any one for any reason but you have to be selective who you share that information with.

In terms of jobs, there are loads I would screen out if I was dating. There’s also a list of whole other personal data that would be a no for me. It is after all my life and I’m allowed be very selective who I want to have in it.